Impact – Certain!

I take it you’ve all heard about asteroid 2004-MN4, which NASA have been having a field day over, because recent estimates have said that it’s chance of impact with the earth (on Friday 13th April 2029) could be as high as 1-in-37 (2.7%)… well; I’ve just found a well-hidden page on NASA‘s Near Earth Object Program that makes an impact estimate that’s terrifyingly higher… see a scary estimate (the server’s a little unreliable, you may need to try to connect a few times)…

Also, why not play with Arizona State University‘s Impact Effects Calculator, which estimates the damage that would be done by an asteroid impact with the parameters you provide.

That was funny. Made you look, didn’t I?

A Merry Little Christmas

All in all, that was a fantastic little Christmas Day – less disasters, fights, fires or cats-eating-decorations than a typical Christmas with my family, but no less fun for it.

Our landlords, who run the cafe below our flat, were kind enough to lend us use of their kitchen over the festive period (mmm… catering-grade cooking gear…), which actually enabled us to meaningfully cook a Christmas dinner – just trying to fit a joint of turkey into our (borrowed]) mini oven, here, would have been a joke, never mind the stuffing, potatoes, parsnips, and pigs in blankets (which I’ll demonstrate to Paul is a British colloquialism, not an American one, as he claimed yesterday)! The three of us – Paul, Claire and I, managed to finish all of the sherry while preparing food, and began on the strawberry wine not long thereafter… a very drunk Christmas was had by all.

Gifts were exchanged… Claire’s been spending a good deal of time playing with her new concertina and has taken a ten-minute degree. I’ve been learning how to deal with a zombie invasion and discovering the 50 crappest towns in the UK (impressively, Preston comes in at number 30 – more crap than both Bedford and Croydon). On other gift-related notes, it looks like the pair of us are going to be particularly busy next June – with Claire’s birthday on the 16th, an REM concert in Manchester (40th crappest) on the 17th, then a Green Day concert in Milton Keynes (35th crappest) on the 18th. Non-interesting factoid: I’ve just noticed that both Green Day and The Goo Goo Dolls use Slender Fungus as their web designers for their official sites.

Oh; and a special thanks to Kit and Fiona, up in Scotland – also spending their first respective Christmases “away from home” for the home-made soaps, which we’re trying to identify (mostly by smell) now. By our reckoning, mine’s mint, Claire’s is poppy-seed, and Paul’s is lime. Lucky guess?

So; despite the fact that we made enough food to be a feast for six, which made the three of us very full, and that Claire got horribly drunk on wine in the evening and didn’t even survive the entirety of our special Troma Night Christmas Edition, it was still a great day. And better yet, I’ve just noticed that there’s one caramel bell left hanging on the tree… mmm… breakfast…

Claire & Paul

Why do Paul and Claire find it so impossible to get along? This evening, Paul’s cooking: right now, Claire’s preparing some vegetables for him, and they’ve begun arguing. Paul wants Claire to do things a particular way, and Claire doesn’t feel that Paul is giving her enough information to justify doing it. So Paul gets defensive, which Claire doesn’t feel answers her question, so she goes on the offensive, hiding behind a veil of being reasonable while actually trying to score as many blows as possible. This sends Paul spiralling into an agressive position. “Why don’t you do it, then?” Paul shouts, visibly exasperated…

…it’s all fine: within an hour, they’re okay again, laughing and joking and smiling… but I always end up feeling like I’m in the crossfire. And somehow, I don’t seem to be all swings and roundabouts as fast as the combatants themselves.

Grr.

Tequila And Television

Claire went out on a work Christmas bash last night, so Paul and I decided to have a quiet night in with various retro TV shows (thanks UKNova) and drinks. All we had in in the latter category, however, was half a bottle of tequila, half a bottle of white rum, and a handful of other, less digestible things…

So, we thought, we’d wander out to Threshers, buy some more tequila and some orange juice and some grenadine, and have a tequila sunrise or ten. By the time we’d reached the bottom of both bottles of tequila we were feeling quite merry, but that didn’t stop us from continuing to mix drinks, substituting white rum instead. Drunk, Paul was heard to say, “Yeh… you can do a tequila sunrise with rum… they call it… <thinks> a tequila sunset…” Umm… okay.

Anyway, we watched Stressed Eric and Ban This Filth and a rental copy of Adaptation, one of my favourite films. JTA turned up with “Ruth, and were eventually followed by Ruth’s brothers, Owen and Robin, who sat and drank beer and watched bad TV with us.

Anyhow, Paul doesn’t seem so good this morning. =o)

The Story Of Apple’s Graphing Calculator

There’s a fascinating story behind Apple’s “Graphing Calculator” application. Here’s an extract:

In August 1993, the project was canceled. A year of my work evaporated, my contract ended, and I was unemployed… …I was frustrated by all the wasted effort, so I decided to uncancel my small part of the project. I had been paid to do a job, and I wanted to finish it. My electronic badge still opened Apple’s doors, so I just kept showing up… …they asked, “Who do you report to? What group are you in? Why haven’t we seen this earlier?” I explained that I had been sneaking into the building and that the project didn’t exist. They laughed, until they realized I was serious.

Go read it. It’s a great story.

Conversation Of The Day With A Client

Fictional, of course. None of our clients are actually this stupid, and I wouldn’t be silly enough to publish a real event like this on my blog, ever.

A client phones up and asks to speak to me.

Client: “I’m using the ‘Data Export’ tool in… [part of application I wrote, new version recently deployed to him] …it was my understanding that it always used to export Excel files.”
Me: “Umm. Yes. Well, actually, it exports CSV files – that’s Comma Seperated Values. Excel will open them, and if you have it installed, it becomes the default application for opening such files.”
Client: “Mm-hmm. It seems to think they’re text files.”
Me: “Text files? You mean they’re opening in Notepad?”
Client: “Yup.”
Me: “Ah; okay – well, we just have to tell it to open them in Excel, then. Right-click on the file, and select ‘Open With…’: ‘Excel’.”
Client: “It’s not there.”
Me: “Oh. That’s odd. Okay then, just open Excel from the Start Menu.”
Client: “I can’t find it.”
Me: <thinks> “Which computer are you using?”
Client: “The server.”
Me: “Do you have Excel installed on the server?”
Client: “No.”

Thanks to Task Tracker, SmartData‘s funky in-house timesheeting tool, and it’s drill-down reports, I’m able to look back over the last year and work out exactly how much more work I’d have gotten done if our clients were even slightly computer-literate and didn’t need to keep calling up for help with trivial things every ten minutes. Ah well.

Statto Plays With Blacklight

Statto has an article on his blog about using his digital camera to take infared pictures which is worth a look, if you’re even vaugely interested/bored/geeky/a physicist/all of the above. He’s taken some fascinating pictures of infared remote control beams and things through filters, and provided a little bit of an informative background as to why it all looks like it does, too. Go look.

Man And The Machines

There’s a fascinating article on LegalAffairs.org (the self-styled “magazine at the intersection of law and life” on artificial intelligence and legal/ethical/socialogical considerations relating to it. Despite disagreeing with a few of it’s points, it’s well-written and excellently-presented. Go read it.

In case the site stops publishing the article, I’ve made a copy, below. Click on the ‘next page‘ link to read it here.

Scoville Units For Dummies

For the benefit of they that asked: a Scoville Scale worth seeing. I’m impressed that I own a bottle of the hottest sauce they do that’s actually intended for consumption.

If I had £140, I still wouldn’t spend it on a bottle of Blaire’s 6A.M.… when a pepper sauce is contains three times the capsaicin level of police-grade pepper spray, it’s not designed to be used as food. I mean, really.

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Bug In Internet Explorer… But How Do I Tell Anybody?

This morning, I found a bug in Internet Explorer. I wasn’t using it, of course, but I’d sent a Macromedia Flash file to a colleague by e-mail, who opened it in IE, but couldn’t.

It turns out that Internet Explorer can’t cope with opening Flash (.swf) files from the local file system, if the filename contains an apostrophe (e.g. “Dan’s Pictures.swf”). Crazy little bug, but I’ve tested it a little and it seems that this really is the case. But how do I report it?

Microsoft‘s web site, despite a redesign, is a sprawling mess. Eventually I gave up and submitted it as a ‘feature request’. I submitted PNG-support as a feature request, too, because it would be nice if sites like Abnib looked as good to the unwashed masses of IE users as it does to users of real web browsers.

Which D&D Character Are You?

I Am A: Chaotic Neutral Elf Mage Druid

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral characters are unstable, and frequently insane. They believe in disorder first and foremost, and will thus strive for that disorder in everything they do. This means that they will do whatever seems ‘fun’ or ‘novel’ at any given time.
Race: Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.
Primary Class: Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.
Secondary Class: Druids are a special variety of Cleric who serves the Earth, and can call upon the power in the earth to accomplish their goals. They tend to be somewhat fanatical about defending natural settings. (could equally be secondary class: Bard)
Deity: Azuth is the Lawful Neutral god of wizards and mages. He is also known as the High One, and is the Patron of Wizards. His followers believe that a systematic approach to magic is the best, and they strive for calm and caution in order to avoid accidents. They wear shimmering robes, and are well-versed in magic, as well as typical priest spells. Azuth’s symbol is a hand with a raised, glowing index finger.

Which D&D Character Are You?

I still loathe D&D.

Nightmare Day, Part Two

The horror continues:

1. Still no fix for Andromeda. SmartData‘s web site is currently a temporary holding page I knocked up, and everybody’s e-mails come to my desktop to be sorted and delivered to them by hand. The hosting provider still hasnt gotten back to me with anything but excuses, despite my calling them every hour to “remind” them to pull their collective fingers out.

2. I have a killer headache, which is making thinking through this morning’s problems somewhat more difficult than it should be. And I haven’t even started the work I need to get done today, yet.

Nightmare Day, Part One

1. Andromeda (Smartdata‘s main online server) goes down, taking our web site and e-mail with it.

2. The hosts are slow and arsey and aren’t much help at all. “I can ping it,” says one. “Yes, well I can ping it too,” I reply, coldly, “But apart from that, it doesn’t seem to have any purpose other than to help keep your building warm!” I finally persuade them to go and look at it.

3. Oh yeh – did I mention that this happened, taking (as I said) our web site down, just as we launch some national publicity? My boss doesn’t look happy.

4. Why do letters with windows in them so rarely contain, like, Christmas cards and other fluffy things? Mine, today, was from the council, insisting that, no, really, I do have to pay them one-and-a-half people’s council tax for the next two and a half years.

Kittens Are Cute

Kittens are immensely cute. See below.

Three Sleeping Kittens

That aside, and now I’ve gotten the attention of all of you, I’m not going to write about kittens at all. As those of you who read Abnib (or otherwise read both Bryn and my blog), we had a little kerfuffle yesterday about the Welsh language. I thought I’d probably get a chance to post first, before he did, but I’ve learned very well not to post when drunk, and waited ’til this morning… by which time he’d written his own. In any case…

On The Value Of The Welsh Language

I agree entirely with Bryn that Welsh is indeed, not, definitively, an old dead language. In fact, I was surprised to find that usage of the language is increasing in many areas of Wales (which, to be fair, I find hard to understand the reasons for – I would have always have suspected it of being a language in decline). Statistically speaking, Welsh usage in Aberystwyth has fallen in the last 10 years (source: 1991/2001 census), but this can be attributed to the fact that the survey methods used between these two censuses has changed – for the first time, in 2001, students were counted by their term-time address (which is, to be fair, typically where they spend most of the year), rather than their home-time address. A deeper look at the statistics shows that the number of Welsh speakers in Aberystwyth has increased pretty much in-line with the population over the last decade. A great demonstration of what can be ‘proven’ with statistics.

In any case, Bryn’s blog entry meanders around the topic a little – if his post is directed (as I assume it is) to me, then he makes the mistake that I am comparing the Welsh language to British English, a dialect of English spoken by approximately 15% of English speakers worldwid… and, in fact, we spent a little while later in the evening finding fault with English – which, let’s face it, with it’s non-phonetic structure, crazy spellings, inconsistent double-letters, and double-meanings [right?], isn’t difficult – at which point the comparison came between Welsh and other phonetic languages; in particular Russian (which uses the nightmare Cyrillic alphabet) and Latin (which really is a dead language, sadly), and – kind of – Esperanto.

In the end, I think it’s important for Bryn to realise that it was not him I was trying to spark a debate about (which, in the end, is my only aim when launching with a contraversial point such as the one I made), but a language which he happens to speak (and which, given any kind of free time in my life, I’d still love to learn – something I’ve been promising myself for about four years now, but the most I’ve managed is a brief, free introduction). English is the third-most common “first language”, but then, Windows is the most common “first operating system”, and I don’t think that Bryn would have walked out if I’d have said that the operating system he uses was “old and dead” – to the contrary, this would probably have led to a lively debate about the relative merits of various operating system choice.

It seems that somehow my attack on the Welsh language was seen by Bryn as an attack on him, which it wasn’t. And perhaps more importantly, it doesn’t mean that what I implied is what I mean, only that this could get people thinking and talking about things they might not otherwise think twice about.

On ‘The Video’

Not one to split things into multiple posts if I think of them at the same time, I thought I’d also say a word about the video Bryn mentioned: sorry about that, but again – it’s not you or what you do, it’s just a bit of fun that I think got out of hand amongst the Troma Night troops. Not that that’s going to stop me showing next week’s mini-video (which I don’t think features you, Bryn).

Sorry there, old man. While I stand my ground on the Welsh language icebreaker, and I apologise profusely for letting ‘the video’ get out of hand, I still ought to have thought about your feelings, too. And you shouldn’t have walked out.

Aren’t kittens brilliant? There’s one more for you to look at, here.

SmartData On BBC News Online

From an article on the BBC:

Aberystwyth TechniumSmartData UK aims to create software and database solutions.

Company spokesman Gareth Hopkins said: “The move to Technium Aberystwyth has facilitated an expansion of the company and we believe this opportunity will open up a whole range of possibilities.

“The package offered by the Technium will assist us in creating more jobs and expanding into the international market place.”