JUST LEARNED THERE ARE 16 OUNCES IN A POUND

 

JUST LEARNED THERE ARE 16 OUNCES IN A POUND AND I AM FUCKING LIVID

SIXTEEN???

WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NUMBER IS THAT

i have had no reason to actually look into imperial measurements until now and frankly i immediately regret it finding this out it makes some sense though because a pound is defined as being 7000 grains so that makes each ounce a nice round...

437.5 grains

and then, oh my word, oh my fucking actual god
GUESS HOW MANY POUNDS THERE ARE IN A STONE

you'll never get it, it would be fucking impossible to guess this

THERE ARE FOURTEEN POUNDS IN A STONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT'S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FUCKING NUMBER! FYI!!!!

THERE'S LITERALLY NO WAY TO KNOW HOW MANY OUNCES ARE IN A STONE!! NO-ONE CAN KNOW THIS "but innes you can just multiply up the fourteen by sixteen and you'll g-"

NO

MATHS HAS CLEARLY ABANDONED US. NUMBERS MEAN NOTHING AT THIS POINT

WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF ANTIQUATED JOKE SYSTEM ARE PEOPLE WORKING WITH

my mum: wow count yourself lucky you only need to learn your 10 times tables, when i was a kid we had to go up to 12

me, a child: oh, for weights and stuff?

mum, a liar: sure

TURNS OUT NO-ONE ON THE PLANET IS TRAINED TO WORK WITH THESE FUCKED UP NUMBERS. THEY JUST MAKE STUFF UP. NO-ONE KNOWS HOW MUCH A POUND IS BECAUSE IF THEY'D EVER USED THIS BULLSHIT SYSTEM THERE WOULD BE RIOTS

and then how many ounces go in a cup?

WHICH FUCKING CUP, AMERICA

HOW DO YOU ALL OWN THE SAME SIZE OF CUP

WHO HAS A MONOPOLY ON THE ONE GOOD CUP SIZE

PRESUMABLY THIS IS JUST STRAIGHT UP BULLSHIT TOO TO COVER FOR THE FACT THAT NO-ONE KNOWS HOW MANY ANY QUANTITY OF ANYTHING IS

me: so, the recipe calls for 2 lbs 3 oz of flour, you got that?

you: uhhhh, sure. yeah. that's like... 3 cups, probably. this is a great system.

AND THEN

THEN WE HIT THE BIG NUMBERS

PRESUMABLY. I ASSUME THAT'S THE ORDER WE'RE GOING IN

though judging from american dates IT IS KINDA HARD TO TELL

so what's heavier, a ton of feathers or a ton of gold?

IT'S THE TON OF GOLD BECAUSE UNDER IMPERIAL MEASUREMENTS THESE ARE COMPLETELY FUCKING DIFFERENT SCALES

SEE ALSO: WOOL, COINS, MYSTERY ENGLISH ILLEGAL POUND, MISCELLANEOUS

THE ONE JOKE WHICH MAKES IT CLEAR THAT MASS IS A UNIVERSAL METHOD OF COMPARISON REGARDLESS OF MATERIAL HAS NO BEARING ON THE FUCKED UP BIZARRO WORLD OF YESTERDAY THAT IS THE IMPERIAL SYSTEM

I AM 30 YEARS OLD

I'VE GONE MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE BELIEVING THE IMPERIAL SYSTEM WAS DIFFERENT, SURE, BUT I THOUGHT IT HAD AT LEAST SOME GROUNDING IN REALITY

but NO

I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW

I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'VE DONE THIS TO ME

go on

say it

but if anyone tells me anything other than one hundred here I am tearing this entire fucking place to the ground

Have you ever wondered how many pounds are in a hundredweight? That's an actual name of an actual measure. Go on, guess.

oh my sweet jesus

OF COURSE

OF FUCKING COURSE IT DOES

WHY WOULD WORDS MEAN ANYTHING ANY MORE

I HATE ALL OF THIS, AND I HATE ALL OF YOU FOR MAKING ME KNOW IT

THIS IS WHY IM NOT TAKING ANY OF YOUR SHIT WHEN YOU TRY AND TELL ME FAHRENHEIT IS A MORE LOGICAL SYSTEM

HOW MANY FAHRENHEIT ARE IN A CUP

i cant take this right now im going for a fucking walk

everyone is just saying terrible number conversions at me i hate this

no-one has even mentioned oxgangs though so you're all fired

trying to get to sleep but all i can hear is your voices chanting "pints a pound the world around" over and over in my brain

Pints A Pound The World Around

i still don't entirely know what it means but I am 100% fucking sure it's not even true

im not sure anything is true any more