£20 for a boiled egg, one piece of toast and a mug of tea?

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Egg and toast

£20 for a boiled egg, one piece of toast and a mug of tea?

The story of a modern London cafe…

(Read to end of thread before commenting!)

An amazing thread well-worth reading to the end. Went in expecting a joke about hipsters, millennials, and avocado-on-toast… finished with something much more.

Review of The Rusty Bicycle

This review of The Rusty Bicycle originally appeared on Google Maps. See more reviews by Dan.

Visited today for the first time. Discovered when I came to order that special offers (e.g. £5 lunchtime pizzas) on the menu aren’t actually honoured when you come to order unless you agree to install their “app”. Their app is appalling: currently averaging 1.7/5 on the app store, and I can see why!

By the time I’d looked at the app’s privacy policy, I decided it was better to pay full price rather than use it: the app requests permissions to access virtually all of your phone’s data and the privacy policy states that your use of it grants them the right to track your GPS location from then on (seriously!). No thank you!

Cocktails were okay. Food was pretty good, but not quite good enough to take away the sour taste left by the “app” experience. I’d visit again… but only if they moved towards honouring the special offers they advertise… WITHOUT the precondition that you agree to give all of your personal data to them first.

Map of 51.7428743,-1.2341773

What Kind of Person Steals Their Co-workers’ Lunch?

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For the past month or two, my place of work (this very website) has been plagued by a relatively harmless but deeply mystifying figure: the phantom lunch thief. What’s happened since has followed a trajectory sure to be familiar to anyone who’s ever worked in an office with more than, say, 30 employees: a menacing, all-caps Post-It note was posted, instructing the thief: “PLEASE DO NOT TAKE FOOD THAT DOESN’T BELONG TO YOU.” The appropriate authorities were alerted. The authorities sent out slightly mean emails about how we’re all adults here, and even those of us who didn’t do anything wrong were embarrassed. For a few days, no lunches were stolen. But then, just when you thought it was safe to leave an Amy’s frozen burrito in the shared fridge for 12 days, the lunch thief struck again. Collectively, and publicly — all wanting to make very clear that we were innocent — my colleagues and I wondered: who does this? What kind of person steals lunch from people they work with, and why?

To find out, I had to identify one such person. First, I offered my own office lunch thief immunity (or, well, anonymity) if they came forward to tell me their life story, but nobody took me up on it. I asked Twitter, where many people expressed outrage over the very idea of lunch theft, but again, no actual thieves surfaced. I even made a Google Form about it, and nobody filled out my Google Form. I was very nearly too dejected to continue my search when I remembered: Reddit. If not there, where?

On Reddit, I found a few lunch theft discussion threads, and messaged about 15 or 20 users who indicated that they had stolen, or would steal, lunch from a co-worker, several of whom sounded very pleased with themselves. I told them I was a reporter, and asked if they’d be willing to elaborate on their experiences in lunch theft. Unfortunately, most relevant postings I found were from, like, four years ago, and again it seemed no one would come forward. But then someone wrote me back. Eventually he agreed to speak with me, and we arranged a phone call. His name is Rob, and he’s a programmer in his early 40s. Together we decided there are probably enough programmers in their 40s named Rob that divulging this amount of personal information was okay.

As a non-lunch-stealer, I’ve never understood the mentality either (I’ve been the victim once or twice at work, at more-often way back when I lived in student accommodation), and this interview really helped to humanise a perpetrator. I still can’t condone it, but at least now I’ve got a greater understanding. Yay, empathy!

On This Day In 2005

I normally reserve my “on this day” posts to look back at my own archived content, but once in a while I get a moment of nostalgia for something of somebody else’s that “fell off the web”. And so I bring you something you probably haven’t seen in over a decade: Paul and Jon‘s Birmingham Egg.

Paul's lunch on this day 13 years ago: Birmingham Egg with Naan Bread
Is this honestly so different from the kind of crap that most of our circle of friends ate in 2005?

It was a simpler time: a time when YouTube was a new “fringe” site (which is probably why I don’t have a surviving copy of the original video) and not yet owned by Google, before Facebook was universally-available, and when original Web content remained decentralised (maybe we’re moving back in that direction, but I wouldn’t count on it…). And only a few days after issue 175 of the b3ta newsletter wrote:

* BIRMINGHAM EGG - Take 5 scotch eggs, cut in
  half and cover in masala sauce. Place in
  Balti dish and serve with naan and/or chips. 
  We'll send a b3ta t-shirt to anyone who cooks
  this up, eats it and makes a lovely little
  photo log / write up of their adventure.
Birmingham Egg preparation
Sure, this looks like the kind of thing that seems like a good idea when you’re a student.

Clearly-inspired, Paul said “Guess what we’re doing on Sunday?” and sure enough, he delivered. On this day 13 years ago and with the help of Jon, Liz, Siân, and Andy R, Paul whipped up the dish and presented his findings to the Internet: the original page is long-gone, but I’ve resurrected it for posterity. I don’t know if he ever got his promised free t-shirt, but he earned it: the page went briefly viral and brought joy to the world before being forgotten the following week when we all started arguing about whether 9 Songs was a good film or not.

It was a simpler time, when, having fewer responsibilities, we were able to do things like this “for the lulz”. But more than that, it was still at the tail-end of the era in which individuals putting absurd shit online was still a legitimate art form on the Web. Somewhere along the way, the Web got serious and siloed. It’s not all a bad thing, but it does mean that we’re publishing less weirdness than we were back then.

I Made My Shed the Top Rated Restaurant On TripAdvisor

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Once upon a time, long before I began selling my face by the acre for features on VICE dot com, I worked other jobs. There was one in particular that really had an impact on me: writing fake reviews on TripAdvisor. Restaurant owners would pay me £10 and I’d write a positive review of their place, despite never eating there. Over time, I became obsessed with monitoring the ratings of these businesses. Their fortunes would genuinely turn, and I was the catalyst.

This convinced me that TripAdvisor was a false reality – that the meals never took place; that the reviews were all written by other people like me. However, they’re not, of course – they’re almost all completely genuine. And there was one other factor that seemed impossible to fake: the restaurants themselves. So I moved on.

And then, one day, sitting in the shed I live in, I had a revelation: within the current climate of misinformation, and society’s willingness to believe absolute bullshit, maybe a fake restaurant is possible? Maybe it’s exactly the kind of place that could be a hit?

In that moment, it became my mission. With the help of fake reviews, mystique and nonsense, I was going to do it: turn my shed into London’s top-rated restaurant on TripAdvisor.

Review of Gloucester Green Market

This review of Gloucester Green Market originally appeared on Google Maps. See more reviews by Dan.

The weekday market offers the best multi-cuisine street food experience you’ll get almost anywhere: stalls as far as the eye can see serving Italian, Japanese, Indian, Goan, Ethiopian, Spanish, Chinese, Vietnamese… the list goes on. Take an explore and try something new on a Wednesday or Thursday soon.

The non-food stalls are a mixed-bag. If you know what you’re looking for, you might find it. If you don’t, you might find something anyway, but don’t hold your breath.

Map of 51.7540632,-1.2617061

Review of Alpha Bar

This review of Alpha Bar originally appeared on Google Maps. See more reviews by Dan.

Delicious salads made to order plus a mixture of different hot and cold foods served daily. Always includes a great vegetarian selection, so long as you get there before it sells out! Often incredibly long queues at lunchtime, and prices are a little high for what you get, but otherwise a great lunchtime venue.

Map of 51.7529490,-1.2567446

Review of Gurkha Village

This review of Gurkha Village originally appeared on Google Maps. See more reviews by Dan.

Delicious food whether eating-in or at home, but beware the long wait times: routinely 45 to 90 minutes for a delivery, and sometimes a little slow even if you’re sitting at a table in the restaurant!

Worth it, so long as you aren’t in a hurry. And if you order using Just Eat or a similar service, be sure to follow-up with a phone call to make sure they noticed it!

Map of 51.8157170,-1.2820259

Review of Mission Burrito

This review of Mission Burrito originally appeared on Google Maps. See more reviews by Dan.

Good value, lovingly-made fast food. The best burrito in Oxford. A variety of fillings available including occasional specials and always a vegetarian option. Try a taster of their different salsas and pick the one that suits you, and consider asking them to add some ‘spicy onions’ if you’d like an extra kick!

Map of 51.7535227,-1.2591286