The Knights Of Gaerog

Chapter I: The Knights Of Gaerog

Once upon a time, long ago, there was a large and sprawling kingdom with a great number of citizens, spread across a country of rolling hills and open flatland: the kingdom of Academia. The kingdom of Academia, which had for a long time been untroubled by war or famine, dedicated a large proportion of it’s time to study, learning, and self-advancement. It was surrounded on all sides by a larger republic with whom there was much trade, and who protected them from invaders. The two shared a currency, and a common tongue – most of the time – and only occasionally disagreed, usually on the value of a good education, which the kingdom of Academia prized, but the surrounding republic did not.

Academia was broken up into many small fiefdoms which were each ruled by a baron. The baron would frequently compete with other barons on matters of the education provided to their peasants, but this was not the only service the benevolent barons would provide. Most would also provide a church building – on the land of the fiefdom – and allow the people to ordain a bishop, who would ensure the spiritual happiness of the people. The church provided a place for people to relax after a hard day’s toil, and would represent them in matters concerning the baron. The bishop and his chaplains would attempt to support the people, where they could, and would also organise and fund number of diversionary activities and sports for the peons to participate in.

In the fiefdom of Gaerog, like many others, there resided an order of knights. The Order of the Knights of Gaerog were a spiritual organisation who drew money from the church to fund their activities. In these times of peace, there was never a need for the knights to fight, but instead they spent their time helping the people of the land deal with their day to day problems. They worked with the people, and alongside the people, and stood up to their ideals of helping people to solve their own problems, and to their nebulous seven “Knightly Virtues” – the principles of their knighthood.

The knights put a great deal of effort into making sure that the people of the land were content: providing a listening ear onto which they could offload their troubles and woes, a sounding post against which they could bounce ideas, and well-researched information about how best to make use of the resources of the land.

Despite their spiritual nature and their shared dedication to the happiness of the populace, a somewhat rocky relationship had evolved between them and the church had over the last two dozen years. On several evenings, tucked into the quiet of the knights’ lodge, the chaplains had asked the knights to share with them who they had helped today, or even what problems they had helped people with. The knights had always felt that to tell the church such information would be unfair on the people they had helped, and would violate the sacred principles of their order. However, things came to pass that with each new bishop there began a new period of both change and stagnation in the church, and by and by, things made their way onwards into the history books. The people of the land were a travelling folk, and few of them stayed in the same place for long, and within a given half dozen years the entire population could appear different to the one that preceded it, so nobody really noticed the long-term difficulties that any given bishop could be bringing about.

Chapter II: The Bishop’s Dilemma

One day, the baron of Gaerog got into a particularly vicious squabble with a neighbouring baron. The details are unimportant, but the result was that the baron of Gaerog decided to prove the value of his territory to the whole kingdom. From the king’s castle in the centre of Academia were despatched lawyers, tax collectors, census-takers, and an executioner: to perform a census on Gaerog and report back to the king of it’s value, so that the kingdom might know of it’s greatness once and for all. The baron spoke to the bishop, saying, “Be sure that thy ducks are in a line, aye, for verily, we art all beset to be right fucked if thou dost not.”

And the bishop was scared. Having been newly ordained less than a whole change of the moon ago, he did not want to anger the baron by failing the census-taker’s tests. He knew that they would exact great punishment upon those who could not account for everything that their organisation had done, and how, and so he looked to the chaplains to aid him. “Turn thy eye to those things for which thee appear responsible,” they advised, “But which thou cannot control.”

The bishop did this, scanning his ledgers and his records to find any things that might alert the attention of the king’s census-takers. The thing that worried him the most was the Knights of Gaerog, who had for a long time been financed and supported by the church, but would not provide any evidence of their good deeds. Even their indoctrination program – through which budding squires earned their white belts and golden spurs – was shrouded in mystery and steeped in tradition, and the bishop had to admit he knew little about the knights activities and nothing about their numbers (when not serving, the knights would dress as commoners and mingle with the people, unseen). How could the bishop vouch for the services the knights provided without even being able to prove that those services were justified? How could the bishop claim that his affairs were under control when he did not even know what these knights were doing?

Knowing that the church had to distance itself as far as possible from the knights before the king’s men came to assess them, the bishop acted quickly: and, perhaps, a little rashly. A message was sent to the Order, demanding that they disband… or risk excommunication from the church. This took the knights by surprise, and they were confused. They scrambled to gather as many of their number together as they could, and also called upon the help of their old friend, the wizard. The wizard had been a knight for many years, long ago, and still kept a watchful eye over – and a respectful distance from – the Order, observing from afar from his tip of his tower. The knights, accompanied by the wizard, and other allies of their order, banged against the door of the church and demanded an audience with the bishop. Eventually their calls were answered, and the bishop – along with one of his chaplains – met with seven of the knights and the wizard.

“What is this trickery?” demanded a knight who had been elected to this purpose. The other knights looked nervous. “For what purpose do you seek to end our good deeds.”

“This is what must be done! Thou hast ne’er provided us with even an inkling of faith that thou canst fulfil thy claims! Thy goals, thy training, and thy results – they’re all a mystery to us, and we must have such information if we are to allow you to continue your work,” replied the bishop.

“Then perhaps betwixt our argumentative tongues we can find room for some compromise. For too long have we been distrustful of one another. Now may be our chance to forge an alliance anew: mayhap we can provide you with the information you need, if you let us know what needs to be fulfilled. We can let you know about how our order works, and tell you, in general, how many people we have aided in in what way aid can be given. But in exchange, we would need thy word that we can continue our work in helping the people of this land.”

The two – knight and bishop – stopped their conversational manoeuvrers and counter-manoeuvrers, and, sensing the approaching stalemate, began to talk frankly.

“Mayhap we may build a new bridge from this point,” the bishop said, eventually. “Within the week we shall provide you with a list that shall detail the terms of such an agreement. We will tell you what oaths we would need from you, and we shall see if a compromise can be reached.” And both the men of cloth and the men of the sword left that table smiling. And the men of learning carried on as they always had, working under the sun as the shadows grew longer and climbed the hill towards the knights’ lodge.

Chapter III: Anger And Injustice

A week passed, and still no word had been heard from the bishop and the church. The wizard used his scrying ball to espy the bishop, and saw that he was extremely busy. The knights heard of how busy the bishop had been, ensuring that everything else was ready for the imminent arrival of the king’s men, but they were still concerned that they had not yet been written to. Some of the knights began to worry that their trust in the bishop may have been misplaced, while others argued that it was exactly this attitude that had brought about the breakdown in trust between the Order and the Church in the first instance.

Eventually, the day came that a message was delivered from the bishop to the knights. The knights were anxious: if the proposal did not comply with their seven virtues, they could not possibly accept it, and would have to argue against it. But such an argument may end in disaster: being able to find agreement in this proposal might be their only chance to continue their great work.

As they unwrapped the scroll, the hearts of the knights and the wizard sank. This was not the proposal that they had expected, at all. There were no requests for information, no demands on conduct, no new oaths of fealty to the church… nothing of the sort: nothing close to what the knights had prepared themselves for.

The scroll read:

“It is proposed, with immediate effect, that the Order of the Knights of Gaerog be immediately disbanded and disassociated with the Church. All of the knights are asked to turn in their belt and spurs and to instead report to Sam, the charitable nobleman in the Gaerog town centre. Sam will allow you to continue doing work to help the people of Academia, and also people from elsewhere.”

“We can’t work for Sam,” said one knight, upon reading this, “The work we’ve done as knights of the line is not even remotely comparable to the charity that Sam provides!”

“That’s true,” said the wizard, “The service the knights provide is quite unique and quite special. There is nothing that can replace it. But the bigger question remains: do we carry on and fight – and risk losing everything – living as outlaws in order to continue to help the people in the way that we know is best… or do we give up, now, and do what we can to make Sams work provide the best it can for the people who they can.”

And the wizard looked across the faces of the knights, and saw that whatever decision was made, there would be those that would object. If the knights disbanded and worked with the noble Sam and the bishop towards helping people as best they could, they would at least be guaranteed the chance to help those who needed it. But if they fought on, risking all, and won, they may yet be able to once again give everything they could to the people around them – but if they lost, they would have lost any chance of providing aid to the people of Gaerog. Yes, he thought, there would be those that would object to – and perhaps even those that would split off, and go their own way, in protest – the decision made. Which decision was best? Many knights thought they knew, but not all agreed.

As for the wizard; he promised to support the knights who comprised the democratic majority, whatever decision they made.

And he promised to support the knights in the minority, too.

To be continued…

Peekaboom!

This game is so much fun: Peekaboom!

You are paired up with a random other player. For each round, one of you is a “peeker” and the other is “booming”. The boomer has a photograph in front of them and a word that associates with it (e.g. “balls”, “men”, “cooking”, “elephant”). They can click on parts of the picture to expose them to the peeker. The peeker has to guess what the thing depicted is. If the peeker gets it right, both players get points. The less of the picture was exposed, the more points the two get.

As the peeker makes guesses, the boomer can rate them as “hot” or “cold”, giving feedback to the peeker. The boomer can also pass limited clues in the form of “noun”, “related noun”, “verb”, etc. to the peeker. The players are against the clock to score as many points as possible before time runs out.

The really clever thing about this fun little online game is that it is being used as artificial intelligence research to teach computer algorithms how to spot the “important” parts of a picture: the bits that can be used to determine what the picture is of.

Give it a go, and contribute towards some AI research while you’re at it…

Nia’s Back

Nia, the Technium receptionist who became badly injured after falling from Constitution Hill over six months ago, is on her feet again and well enough to come back to work. She’d only just started a permanent contract with the Technium when she sustained her injury, and now she’s back.

Minus a few physical changes (weight loss; presumabley during her coma), she’s still the “same old Nia”; happy, bouncy, fab.

A good pick-me-up to start what could be a busy and complicated day.

Microsoft SQL Server Versus FTP

This is a geeky post. You have been warned.

Microsoft SQL Server is one of those funky advanced database management systems that supports replication. One of even fewer that supports merge replication – where data edited and updated at two separate databases can be merged on a schedule and the changes reproduced at both ends, and any conflicts (for example, two different operators on different sites changing the same record in different ways) can be brought to the attention of an operator. This is very good.

Sadly, it’s not terribly well thought-out as far as anonymous internet replication is concerned. You see, it works wonderfully if the replicating servers are on the same Windows domain, but that isn’t always possible.

We’ve got a set-up where a client’s database engages in merge replication with a separate database on our web server. As the two servers are on different Windows domains, and because of restrictions in the firewall configuration, we’ve set up Microsoft SQL Server 2000 to perform the replication over the FTP protocol. Therein lies our first problem.

There is a bug in Microsoft SQL Server 2000 that prevents anonymous internet merge replication from working over FTP… unless you install Service Pack 3 or above… What the fuck? It took until the third service pack before they fixed this?

In any case, having fixed this, another problem rears it’s ugly head. Back in the dark ages (well, 1985), when FTP was first invented, we didn’t have firewalls. Not anything like the ones we do now, anyway. And so it made perfect sense for various technical reasons to make the FTP protocol work as follows:

Client connects to Server
Client: Hi there, Server.
Server: Hi there, Client.
Client: Can you send me file XYZZY, please?
Server: Sure can. Where to?
Client: Send it to my IP address, 1.2.3.4, on port 1026.
Server: It’s on it’s way…

When the internet suddenly became a nasty place, full of firewalls and NAT and proxy servers and restrictions, this didn’t work any more, because many clients wouldn’t accept incoming connections – they would say “send me it on port 1026”, for example, and would then refuse to listen on port 1026 (or a computer between them and the server would refuse for them). So we invented “passive FTP“, and renamed the old version “active FTP“, retrospectively. Passive FTP works like this.

Client connects to Server
Client: Hi there, Server.
Server: Hi there, Client.
Client: I’m a passive FTP client, by the way.
Server: That’s fine with me, so long as you aren’t also homosexual.
Client: Can you send me file XYZZY, please?
Server: Sure can. Because you’re passive, I’ll need you to connect to my IP address, 5.6.7.8, on port 1098.
Client: Am doing that now.
Server: It’s on it’s way…

And that works through even the most stubborn firewalls and all sorts of other restrictions. Wonderful.

For some reason known only to Microsoft, Microsoft SQL Server will not use passive FTP. And our client has a restrictive firewall. How Microsoft could have neglected to write into their program this most simple and fundamental bit of the FTP protocol is beyond me (Internet Explorer and several other Microsoft programs support passive FTP flawlessly).

Grr.

Cold Dead Badge

Those who (for reasons of their own) enjoyed the cold dead fingers wallpaper I produced a week ago are invited to buy, if they wish, a Cold Dead Fingers badge!

Cold Dead Fingers badge

£1 to anybody who wants one. All proceeds will be donated to a local volunteer-run nocturnal telephone listening service. 14 available. The box is by my PC, so if you want one, just take it (and leave a shiny pound coin in it’s place, for those telephone stars).

If you don’t understand the reference, just ask, and I’ll tell you that I can’t tell you why I can’t tell you what it’s about. Just buy one, and wear it proudly, knowing that you’ve done A Good Thing.

Abnib v2.2

Abnib now supports “feed hiding” of the “community” feeds (RockMonkey, Troma Night, Gallery). Just click the “hide feed” link at the bottom of a post of the type you don’t want to see. This feature by demand of Jon.

In other news, Blue Dragon is proving somewhat popular, with 7 registered players (plus me, but I don’t play on account of the fact that sysops who play their own games tend to do well, even if they’re not cheating, and get accused of cheating regardless of how well they do), and a couple more about to sign up. If you’ve not given it a go yet, there’s still time to get in and cause some damage before the “top players” pull too far out of reach… and if you are playing, you’ll see that a few new areas just became available to you…

Legend Of The… Blue Dragon

Following up my thoughts earlier about old-school online games, I did some investigation into what became of fab old games like Legend Of The Red Dragon. It turns out that there was an effort to revive this particular one as a web-based game called “Legend Of The Green Dragon”. Well; as it was open-source I took a copy and adapted it with heaps of suitable “Aberisms”. It’s Abniberific.

Click here to play Dan’s “Legend Of The Blue Dragon”

Feedback appreciated. Usual address.


Additional: In answer to a much-anticipated question – when playing Blue Dragon, you’ll only have so-many turns in which to do things each “day”. However, there are two Blue Dragon “days” in each “real world” day: midnight in Blue Dragon will be occuring at (about) midnight and mid-day (GMT) each day, and between those times you have all the turns you need to do things in the game world.

What Is A Door And Why Do I Care

Geeky post with little value to most people: ignore if you don’t want to learn a little about the history of the BBS, “Doors”, and the subculture around them. This post is written for folks like Ruth, who seemed interested, and others, who seemed possibly-interested.

Before about 1994, even the few of us who had been on the internet hadn’t had much exposure to the (young, at the time) world wide web, but for a decade or more before then, there stood a great remnant of what had come before. And for years to come, still, when internet access was still something for which you paid both monthly and for your call time, and probably to a “local” rather than a “national” ISP, there was another option for getting your “fix” of cyberspace.

That fix was the network of independent bulletin board systems (BBSs) that existed across pretty much every Western country. The US was full of them – pretty much every small town had a young geek somewhere with a spare computer in his parents’ basement. And here in the UK, small BBSs flourished as their members logged on and off and passed files around over now long-dead protocols.

BBSs were small, usually-local, centralised computers with one or more modems (or even acoustic couplers – primitive modems that connected to existing telephone handsets using little rubber suction cups and “spoke” analogue signals to one another across the telephone lines), often operated by hobbyists. To connect to one, you would need to know it’s phone number, and lists of these could be found wherever geeks talked. You’d simply configure your dialler software to “connect” to the specified number, and, a few pips and squeaks later, you were in. A short registration process would give you access to message board, file trading facilities (ah; all that – ah; all that porn), live chat (on the bigger, multi-line boards), and sometimes even internet access – e-mail, newsgroups, etc. Later, some of the more successful BBSs would become ISPs, and some of these maintained a BBS, too, that provided software that you could use to connect to their systems. BBSs had all the benefits of the internet at the time – albeit with a smaller user base – but frequently also had a distinct local feel and a “community” sense of belonging.

Another feature that became quite popular on BBSs were the so-called door games. These were pieces of software installed onto the BBS server computer – usually games – which could be interacted with by the BBS server software through one of several standardised interfaces (e.g. Fossil, DOOR32). It’s almost certain that the writer of Wargames had seen door games in action before he wrote his “Global Thermonuclear War” game into the film script. A majority of these games – like the one in Wargames – allowed a single player to play against the computer, online, with perhaps a shared, centralised scoreboard that all players can access. Later door games allowed a degree of interactivity, sometimes even “live” interactivity, between the players who were playing the game simultaneously.

When I ran Dice BBS (from my bedroom at my mum’s house), I had a selection of door games running on it, selected for their inter-player interactivity: P:TEOS (space trading sim), Legend Of The Red Dragon and it’s underrated sequel (all from Robinson Technologies, who still write computer games to this day), and a MOO (an object-oriented MUD [multiplayer text-based adventure] often with an emphasis on social interaction [like a MUSH]). Later, after Dice BBS’s closure (the internet had become too ubiquitous; too cool; there was no need for it any more), I hacked Legend Of The Red Dragon 2 to pieces and wrote a Pascal front-end to allow it to be played in a protected network environment, developed L2:PC, and deployed it to the Preston College network, where it became so popular that several players rarely did anything else, and one person was even thrown off their course, their grades suffered so badly.

Nowadays, door games are a bit of a forgotten breed. The MUDs and the MUSHes grew up into the MMORPGs of today (think “World Of Warcraft”, “Everquest”, “Ultima Online”, “Puzzle Pirates”). The need for the other games to be played in a centralised manner was negated by high-speed internet links and modern, multiplayer games. But there are still special places where BBSs run (usually adapted in such a way that you can reach them using the telnet protocol, over the internet), and there will always be a home for them in the hearts of those of us that lived aboard them.

Thanks for listening to a bit of nostalgia.

Further reading:

Another Meme!

Don’t you hate those tried-and-tested “quiz” memes and things. Well, here’s a variation on the theme.

1. Post this meme to your weblog or journal.

2. Stick a nail bomb in a rucksack.

3. Blow yourself up on a London bus two weeks after I do.


“These aren’t suicide bombers – they’re just cry-for-help bombers!”


This content shamelessly stolen from the london_hurts LiveJournal community.

An Interview With Gary McKinnon

There’s a stunning interview you can listen to on BBC World Service with Gary McKinnon, the Briton who hacked into US military and research computers in order to hunt for evidence of UFO activity. In the interview he talks about how he did it, what he found, and how he was caught, as well as his feelings over the fact that he may be extradited to the US for up to a 70 year prison sentence for something which, in the UK, he couldn’t get more than four years. It’s well worth listening to. You’ll want a copy of Real Alternative installed (like Real Player, except good).

Thai, Catan, And Gantz

Claire and I cooked thai food for Ruth, JTA, and Bryn last night. Paul, too, but owing to a communications breakdown he didn’t know about it, so he missed out. Unable to decide between making a sweet red Thai chilli and a black bean dish, I decided to make both, which immediately compounded into a problem when I realised that I was cooking both meat (for us normal people) and a vegetarian dish (for Ruth) of each.

So, hot-desking (hot-hobbing?) six pans later on, we all got fed – about 40 minutes late. Got to steam some pak choi over the noodles: I’m not sure that I’ve ever knowingly tried pak choy before – Claire pointed it out in Morrisons and said, “what’s this?” and I had to confess that I didn’t know, save from what it said on the packet (“ideal for stir-fry”). A quick scout around the web revealed what to do with the thing. Anyway; it turns out to be a fab-tasting vegetable.

After this, Bryn left, and the remainder of us had a game of Settlers of Catan, which Ruth won. Again.

My torrent of the entire first series of Gantz, a wonderfully destructive anime series we’ve been watching at Naruto Night, has been making good progress over the weekend. The numbers keep fluctuating, but we could have a copy of it within as little as the next 30 hours or so. It feels a bit of a waste having to download the entire series just to collect the two episodes I’m missing, but this was the only working torrent I could find that included these episodes at all.

I’m kinda impressed how tightly the TV series hugs the comic books (I’ve gotten hold of them, too). Dialog, framing, everything. Not so impressed as I was, though, by the stunning Sin City I had the joy of seeing last week, which didn’t even have the benefit of being animated to help the director to get the feel of the hand-drawn work from which it stems. See Sin City.

Meandering now, but should be working.

War Of The War Of The Worlds

Last night’s Troma Night was War of the War of the Worlds night, in which we’d planned to listen to the War of the Worlds radio play, watch the 1953 film (which is very, very good for it’s age), listen to the Jeff Wayne musical adaptation (which, in my opinion, remains most true to the original story), and watch the new (2005) version of the film. Not many, if any, people took up Paul‘s offer to read the H. G. Wells book in advance.

Was it just me; or was the pizza particularly good last night?

Running out of battery power on Paul’s MP3 player during “Dead London” (close to the end), in the Jeff Wayne version, threatened to end the night early. Quick thinking from Paul enabled us to get “back on track” with freshly-downloading copies of the final three tracks within a few minutes, but we were still unable to watch the final, new, film. Perhaps some other time.

Claire and Ruth had a little too much to drink, one suspects, which is at least partially responsible for them wittering through some of the second half of Jeff Wayne’s musical, until Paul and I got pissed off enough to tell them to stop (bad), but, much later on (after we’d run out of Troma Night material) collapsed into a happy drunken post-tickle fight giggling heap on the sofa(better). The absinth(e) my sister Sarah brought back from Benidorm smells like aftershave and tastes like petrol. But if you knock back a shot of it, it’s impressive how quickly it hits.

We drank plenty of the absinth last night, too, at Geek Night. JTA found it difficult to count how many sheep he was trying to trade (Settlers of Catan), before going home and bashing out a drunken blog entry. Paul watched from afar, ocassionally stopping to add a little to the RockMonkey page on Absinth, which remains, complete with spelling mistakes and other messy bits. I got excessively giggly, and ended up debating with Ruth the merits of snorting spirits (thankfully we had the sense not to try this with absinth(e)). And Ruth, despite spending most of her time laughing the small stuffed toy pig I keep on my desk, managed to pip me to the post and win the game just before I executed my master plan. The bitch.

Claire’s dad was visiting this weekend, but hasn’t come to see us this morning: instead, he’s gone straight home, and we’re not sure why.

Rain in Cambrian Place

Looking at the weather, I think the chance of a barbeque tonight is somewhat reduced. Any other suggestions are welcome.

Next Week’s Terrorist Attacks

Here’s our predictions:

  • Terrorists detonated a pollen bomb this morning in Birmingham City Centre, spreading chaos amongst hayfever sufferers throughout the area. Four people have been treated with antihistamines, one of also has asthma. “I was scared for my life,” she said in an interview with our correspondent.
  • Simultaneously, two suicide bombers from different terrorist factions attacked one another in a field in Cornwall. A cow was injured in the resulting explosion, and police have sealed off the area.
  • In an unexpected attack this afternoon, a terrorist group has let all of the air out of the tires of the buses in Daventry bus station. This is believed to be the a follow up attack to the brutal assault on Daventry police station last week, in which seven police officers found their shoelaces tied together. Chaos has ensued in Daventry: at least one guinea pig went hungry as his owner, who was due to bring home some broccoli on the bus, was delayed by four hours.
  • And we’re just receiving word that the missing garden gnomes from Mrs. Evan’s garden in Hampshire is being treated as a kidnapping. A tape delivered this evening stated that the group responsible was going to execute the gnomes and send recordings to news agencies.

Shit Happens

But while there’s a job to be done, those of us that care will hang on and will pick up the pieces and will fight and sweat and will put things together again and we will make things work.

And on that note, here’s one of my favourite poems:

The Low Road, by Marge Piercy

What can they do to you?
Whatever they want.

They can set you up, bust you,
they can break your fingers,
burn your brain with electricity,
blur you with drugs `till you
can’t walk, can’t remember.
They can take away your children,
wall up your lover; they can do
anything you can’t stop them doing.

How can you stop them?
Alone you can fight, you can refuse.
You can take what revenge you can
but they roll right over you.

But two people fighting
back to back can cut through a mob
a snake-dancing fire can break a cordon,
termites can bring down a mansion

Two people can keep each other sane,
can give support, conviction,
love, massage, hope, sex.

Three people are a delegation
a cell, a wedge.
With four you can play games
and start a collective.
With six you can rent a whole house
have pie for dinner with no seconds
and make your own music.
Thirteen makes a circle,
a hundred fill a hall.
A thousand have solidarity and your
own newsletter; ten thousand
community and your own papers;
a hundred thousand, a network
of communities;
a million our own world.

It goes one at a time.
It starts when you care to act.
It starts when you do it again
after they say no.
It starts when you say we
and know who you mean;
and each day you mean
one more.