Ice and Lemon

I recently finished reading a novel called Ice & Lemon, which was given to me by my mother for Christmas (my reading list is quite long at the moment; I’m only just getting close to catching up!). I could tell you about what I liked about the book – and I will, in a moment – but before that I’d like to mention what makes this book personally so spooky to me, as a reader.

Ice and Lemon, by Pete Hartley
Ice and Lemon, by Pete Hartley

My mother got it for me because the coincidences apparent on the front and back cover appealed to her:

  1. The author’s name, Pete Hartley, is remarkably similar to my father’s name, Peter Huntley.
  2. The strapline contains a date, and that date is my mother’s birthday.
  3. The protagonist of the story is called Daniel, which is – prior to that point in the late 1990s when I started going by Dan among virtually everybody – my name.
  4. The front cover shows a picture of a baby’s hand, and Ruth‘s expected delivery date of New Year’s Eve was thus a hot discussion topic for us all around Christmas-time.

Okay, so – that’s a handful of quirky coincidences, certainly, but I’m sure if you looked at every volume in a bookshop – in the right frame of mind – you’d find a dozen other novels that seemed similarly fortuitous. But as I began to read the story, I discovered that I shared a lot more in common with the story’s Daniel than I could have possibly predicted. It was almost as if I were reading an alternate-history version of my own life – it’s incredibly easy to see how believable choices made in the early 2000s could have lead to a reality that even-more closely paralleled with my own:

Dan with a golden banana nailed to a stick.
In 2006, I won an award of dubious value for my stand-up act: a gold-plated banana nailed to a plank of wood hewn from the funniest tree in town.
  • Daniel’s partner is called Claire. In 2005, when the story is set, I too had a partner called Claire.
  • Daniel grew up in, and lives in, Preston, near to the football stadium and his local supermarket, the Deepdale Road/Sir Tom Finney Way Sainsburys. I grew up in Preston, and my parents houses are both within sight of the football stadium. My father used to, and my mother still does, do their shopping at the Deepdale Road/Sir Tom Finney Way Sainsburys.
  • The story begins with Daniel travelling back from a trip to Spain. I too spent time in Spain in 2005.
  • Daniel is a stand-up comedian and a veteran of the Edinburgh Fringe. I had an incredibly-short career as a stand-up comedian, and of course I too have a history with the Fringe.
  • Some time after an apocalyptic event takes place, Daniel joins a group of survivors who call themselves “Camp Q” (no explanation is given for the choice of name). Some time after the date of the event as it appears in the story, I changed my surname to Q.
The Sainsburys on Deepdale Road/Sir Tom Finney Way, in Preston.
Before the apocalypse, Daniel did his shopping here. Before I moved to Aberystwyth, so did I.

There are about a hundred smaller coincidences in Daniel’s story, too, but after a few of them you stop looking objectively and you can’t help but see them, so I’ll spare you the list. If I wanted to, I’m sure I could find plenty of things that definitely didn’t fit me: for example, Daniel’s significantly older than me. That sort of blows the alternate history idea out of the water. But nonetheless, it was a disturbing and eerie experience to be reading about a protagonist so much like myself, travelling around a post-disaster area that I personally know so very well. I feel like I ought to reach out to the author and check that he’s not just pranking me, somehow. His son features in the book, but somehow the coincidences that naturally occur as a result of this are less-impressive because they’re pre-informed.

The book itself is pretty good: a soft science fiction story full of a thorougly-explored post-apocalyptic grief. Very human, and very British, it exemplifies that curious sense of humour that we as a nation exhibit in the face of a disaster, while still being emotionally-scarring in the sheer scope of the tragedy it depicts. The science of the science-fiction is… questionable, but it’s not explored in detail (and it’s only treated as being speculative by the characters discussing it anyway, who aren’t scientists): this is a story about people, suffering, and survival, not about technology nor futurism. There are a handful of points at which it feels like it could have done with an additional pass by a proofreader; while occasionally distracting, these typos are not problematic. Plus: the book contains the most literal deus ex machina I’ve ever encountered (and thankfully, it doesn’t come across as lazy writing so much as general wasteland craziness).

It’sunder £3 in ebook format, and if I didn’t already own a paperback copy, I’d be happy to pay that for it. Even if it didn’t make me feel like I was looking at an alternate version of myself.

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Dan Q found GLDZMFHN Kinkering Congs Their Titles Take

This checkin to GLDZMFHN Kinkering Congs Their Titles Take reflects a geocaching.com log entry. See more of Dan's cache logs.

Fanatic cache and a wonderfully fun puzzle. Was unclear to begin which bit of the numbers I should have been using, but a little trial and error sussed it. TNLN, TFTC!

(I did keep worrying that I could be seen from a nearby flock of bats, so I took care as I rustled around in the cache’s nosey little cook)

Dan Q found GLDZMN2R Oxford Snark Hunt (Fit the 2nd) – Botanic Gardens

This checkin to GLDZMN2R Oxford Snark Hunt (Fit the 2nd) - Botanic Gardens reflects a geocaching.com log entry. See more of Dan's cache logs.

Stopped by on my way back from lunch. Thankfully this morning’s foul weather has kept the tourists away, so I didn’t have to contend with too many muggles as I undertook my brief search. Thanks!

Geohashing expedition 2014-04-21 51 -1

This checkin to geohash 2014-04-21 51 -1 reflects a geohashing expedition. See more of Dan's hash logs.

Location

A gap in a hedge just to the side of a lane running from Kidlington to North Yarnton, near the level crossing on the line that connects Oxford to Banbury.

Participants

Team Greendale

  • Dan Q
  • His partner Ruth
  • Her baby, Annabel

Expedition

Geohashpoint 2014-04-21 51 -1A Easter Bank Holiday weekend: what a perfect time for geohashing: and not just because of the warm weather and the fact that you can plan your expedition an extra day in advance, thanks to the exchange closures! No, it’s a great time especially because today’s hashpoint was a mere 300 metres from my house, as the crow flies (though the crow, at least, didn’t have to work his way down to to the bridge over the canal in order to get there).

The hashpoint turned out to be in a gap in the hedge, half-way between down the road connecting a canal bridge to a level crossing. We saw a squirrel.

On the way back, Dan insisted that Ruth (and Annabel, who didn’t get much say in the matter) came with him to find nearby geocaches GC3P0QK and GC3P0RJ on the way back home, before they spent the day out in the sunshine exploring Oxfordshire in general.

Tracklog

Gallery

Dan, Ruth, and baby Annabel at geohashpoint 2014-04-21 51 -1
Dan, Ruth, and baby Annabel at the hashpoint
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Dan Q found GLDZ1P1C BIKERZ – Baldon Lane

This checkin to GLDZ1P1C BIKERZ - Baldon Lane reflects a geocaching.com log entry. See more of Dan's cache logs.

Found with fleeblewidget and her baby after a trip to the Arboretum. Great work with a clever (if easy!) hiding place: I’m gonna learn from that. Saw some motorcyclists, but none of them stopped, but as we drove away (after picking up the car from across the road) we saw two other cachers hunting for it. We waved from the car but I’m not sure if they heard/understood what I was saying! TFTC

Dan Q found GLDYYY6M Route Canal – Bridge View

This checkin to GLDYYY6M Route Canal - Bridge View reflects a geocaching.com log entry. See more of Dan's cache logs.

After an extended search, it was my partner fleeblewidget who, despite being encumbered by the baby-carrier harness, first spotted this well-concealed little cache. Feels like the difficulty should be 2 stars to me, but maybe I’m just going soft. TFTC.

Dan Q found GLDYAZQV Church Micro 3420…Kidlington

This checkin to GLDYAZQV Church Micro 3420…Kidlington reflects a geocaching.com log entry. See more of Dan's cache logs.

Out for a walk with fleeblewidget and her baby, took a look for this cache on the way past. Nice little cache! Took the Scottish Football 2 travel bug; see if I can find it a new home somewhere…

Horoscopes

A little over a third of my life ago, when things were very different, I was dating a girl who had an unusual approach to horoscopes. During the period that we lived together, each morning, I’d see her perform a peculiar dance (at the time, I thought that it was things like this that defined her particular insanity: later, I learned better).

Reb and Dan with Snowflake, Sarah, and Becky.
Trying to date this photo? Those kids in the background are my sisters.
Trying to date anybody IN this photo? Tread carefully…

She’d get up and check her horoscope on Teletext (again: if you needed any clue as to how long ago we’re talking, there it is): that was usually her first port of call for her astrological guidance. She’d sit there, waiting for Scorpio to load (at the end of the second page of Teletext horoscopes)… and then decide whether she liked it or not. And if she didn’t like it: if that particular horoscope didn’t suit her – she’d reject it. She’d go and check her horoscope in the newspaper, and see if that one was better. And failing that, she’d go onto the Internet and find a horoscope online; and so on, until she found one that she wanted. (I wonder what she’d have done if she’d have found a fortune cookie that she didn’t approve of? Eat another?)

Reb swinging around a lamp post.
Given my description of her in this blog post, this crazy-face-picture might be a more-fitting photo of my ex-.

At the time, I mocked her for it. But over time, I’ve come to see that “choosing your own horoscope” is no less-insane, and perhaps a little saner, than believing in the power of horoscopes to begin with. To argue against her behaviour on the grounds that she’s choosing a horoscope rather than using the ‘correct’ one, one must first accept the legitimacy of the process of assigning people personality characteristics based on the relative positions of the Earth, Sun and distant stars at the time of their birth. You can argue against her on the grounds that she’s crazy, of course, but I think we can agree that somebody who reads several horoscopes and chooses one isn’t any more crazy than somebody who reads just one horoscope and then accepts that as legitimate.

@SelinaWilken: Sometimes I'll read horoscopes, and just go down the list until I find the one I like best. This month I'm Aquarius.
Your horoscope for this week: you will choose a different zodiac sign and use that, instead.

The craziest thing about my ex-, in this particular quirk, though, was that she tried to justify her logic when I challenged it. My friend Selina once tweeted that she would select her favourite horoscope from the list of 12 zodiac signs available to her from a single source. I think that’s marginally more-sane again, than my ex-: while my ex- used to read the same star sign from several different media (demonstrating that she harbours a belief in astrology to begin with, but that she finds things made by humans to be flawed), Selina’s actions show that she’s able to take the whole thing with sufficient sarcasm that it almost doesn’t matter.

A yet still saner option might be to write one’s own horoscope, rather than funneling yourself into “one of twelve”. It’s still a little bit silly, but at least you’re taking responsibility for your own destiny. Furthermore, writing your own horoscope might be considered akin to an affirmation, which can act as an effective method of self-help. For example, if my ex- were to write her own horoscope, every day, which read Scorpio: you will no longer read horoscopes nor believe in the power of astrology”, then eventually she might come to fulfil her own prophecy.

Japanese blood type personality chart
A not-uncommon Japanese superstition is that your blood type is an indicator of your personality. Which is, I suppose, marginally more-likely to be true than star signs, because at least it could hypothetically have a basis in science. Still wrong, but at least you can see what they were thinking.

Many, many years ago, I found a service online that allowed you to change your star sign, for free. You basically filled in a form with your name and your chosen new-star-sign, and it’d give you a certificate that you could print out (or some HTML code to put on your GeoCities page or whatever… did I mention this this was a long time ago). I used the service, and for years afterwards joked that I had never been comfortable in the body of a Capricorn (I mean: financially prudent, pragmatic and mature‽) and was far better suited to my adopted sign of Aquarius (humanitarian, inventive, head-in-the-clouds – sound more like somebody you know). My ex- countered, saying that it wasn’t possible to change one’s star sign, and couldn’t see the hypocrisy of the statement.

Recently, somebody using my Free Deed Poll website asked me if they can use a deed poll to change their date of birth (hint: no, and don’t be stupid), and I was reminded of the change-your-star-sign website from so long ago. It’s gone down, now, but I have a half-hearted urge to recreate it. Perhaps for April Fools’ next year, or something.

Or maybe I’ll have forgotten about it and moved on to some other crazy idea. Aquarians, eh?

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