fun – Page 4

The Legend Of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Well, that’s Twilight Princess for the Wii finished. And quite a spectacular game it was too. Highlights [warning: spoilers] include:

Predictably Zelda: many of the best elements of Zelda games gone by made it into Twilight Princess, so much so that the predictability of some of the plot elements will make accomplished players groan, such as the "you must collect 3 parts of this, scattered throughout the land," "you must restore power to the Master Sword," and the "if you’ve just got a new weapon, you’ll need it to escape the room you found it in and to beat the boss of the dungeon you’re in right now" cliches.
Replay value: having finished it, there are still several things I’d like to go back and do again, do better, or actually do. Disappointingly, by comparison to Wind Waker, there is no option to save progress having defeated the final boss and carry on playing: instead, I’ll have to use my just-pre-boss save game as a springboard to explore the things I didn’t get a chance to do earlier, which feels somehow incomplete, but nonetheless I’m looking forward to trying out a few extra things.
Music: yes, it’s a Zelda game. There’s not so much emphasis on musical puzzles as there was in, say, Ocarina, but there’s still some (mostly related to transforming into a wolf and howling at stones, which gets to be just about challenging enough to keep you amused, by the end of the game). As usual, the soundtrack is stunning.
Imaginatively-designed bosses: some of the monsters you’ll fight are particularly interesting. A whole selection of varied fight scenes litter the game: jousting against a monster on a boar’s back across a flaming bridge; tripping over a balrog-like beast by strategically grabbing the chains around it’s ankles so that you can reach it’s face; and swinging around – Spiderman-style – from towers in order to gain altitude on a dragon are three of my favourites, but there are plenty more great fight scenes.
Controls: the Wii release of the game makes great use of the unusual Wii controllers: typically, the nunchuck "stick", in the player’s left hand, is used to move around (or look around, in some modes), and the right-hand "Wiimote" is swung in order to move Link’s sword, or aimed at the screen either as a cursor (for choosing weapons and items from the inventory, options in the menu, etc.) or as a crosshair (for firing the bow and arrow, for instance). There’s a great variety of clever special moves to be learned, and while the swordfighting can be a little cumbersome at first, the learning curve is shallow enough. Later on, you’ll be flicking the Wiimote and the nunchuck in unison to perform advanced moves – rolling around your enemy to strike them from behind, knocking them off balance with your shield, and Link’s signature "spin attack," for example. The bait fishing puzzle is a little simplistic, but the lure fishing (which you’ll discover far later in the game), which makes use of both controllers – one as the rod, and one as the reel – is a satisfying example of the kinds of things that Wii developers will be giving us plenty of in the near future.

Stuff that wasn’t so great:

Fighting one particular boss involves swimming around in 3D space while avoiding the tentacles of a huge aquatic beast. Now that’s all fine and a great idea for a boss, but it feels somewhat clunky in implementation: it’s hard to see where the tentacles are and if you’re in range of them, as they seem to suddenly "jump" around without fluid animation.
Like all the recent Zelda games, Twilight Princess has an extended "tutorial" period, which gradually opens up into the full game, but Twilight’s feels longer than it needs to be, and it feels a little like it’s holding your hand for a bit too long. This could simply be because it’s been released on a new console which Nintendo are hoping will attract new players to videogaming, and they wanted to reduce the initial complexity of the game, of course, but nonetheless: by adding more small mini-quests in the early part of the game – things that experienced players could to in order to feel like they’re in control of their own destiny, and not just following instructions from the other characters – would have been nice. I remember playing a little Morrowind on the PC, and being pleased to find that on my way to the first destination of my quest, I was able to wander off course and help (or hurt) numerous other characters in the game world, getting back "on track" whenever it suited me. I know that’s not what Zelda’s aiming for, but even Wind Waker felt more like it was open-ended and free, even early on (although having a boat and an entire ocean of islands ahead of you will have been a major factor in that). Just a minor rant, of course.

Total playtime for me was about 43 hours, but I’ve left a few stones unturned. In any case, a highly satisfying game and very recommendable. If you own a Wii but don’t own Twilight Princess, get it. If you don’t own a Wii, consider getting one to play Twilight Princess.

It Couldn’t Be You

Following up on my Lottery Winners Counter JavaScript toy, and on Andy‘s recent blog post about trying to rig the lottery using statistics, I decided to write a new software toy to help demonstrate exactly how impossible it is to do as he suggests and guarantee a profit through the strategic purchase of large numbers of lottery tickets. Even at it’s most statistically optimistic, using obscene rounding (i.e. 49.999% is "unlikely", 50.001% is "likely"), you stand to lose over £2M every time you play. Try out my calculator now.

If that’s not in itself enough to convince you, have a look through this stunning Times article on why "our national gamble stinks". It compares the National Lottery to casinos, which have a significantly higher payout rate, and argues that if you’re doing it for the charities, you should just give one a quid – they get to claim 28p gift aid that way too.

Just my £13.9M worth.

Top Ten Worst Domain Names

Do you think that the Italian power company, PowerGen, were actually thinking of how else their domain name could be read when they registered powergenitalia.com? And there’s at least nine more equally badly-chosen domain names.

Oh, and happy new year.

Synopsis For Harry Potter Movie

From an e-mail. Original source unknown.

Hemi-Demi-Semi-Drabbling

You’re probably already familiar with the concept of a drabble (if not, where were you in February?), a piece of fiction of exactly one hundred words. Today, I was introduced to the concept of a hemi-demi-semi-drabble: that is, a piece of fiction totalling exactly twelve-and-a-half words. Seeing as, no matter how I try, I can’t ever seem to write a piece of fiction totalling more than seven or eight thousand words, this appeals to me. Surely I can manage twelve-and-a-half?

Here’s my first:

The Goddess

Seeing her there, I finally understood how beaut- no; she was a goddess.

And here’s another:

Courting Disaster

Coldly, the judge made his verdict: guilty. Disconsolate, the defendant cried out, “Noo…”

It’s harder than it looks. Give it a go.

You Can Hang Out With All The Boys

This made me laugh out loud. Thanks to Faye for finding and sharing it.

Wii Have A Problem

Found this website – Wii Have A Problem – which is a blog dedicated to problems that people have had with their new Nintendo Wii as a result of “the human factor” (what we’d call PEBKAC if it were a desktop device with a keyboard).
In any case, it’s funny: the most commonly-occuring problem people seem to be having with their Wii is that they or their drunken friends let go of the controller (or the strap breaks) sending it hurtling into something expensive and breaking it… like their TV screen.

Let that be a warning to you all for when Claire and I get our Wii next week.

Tasty Meat Dispenser

My Cat Built A Shrine To Andrew Lloyd Webber

I’ve discovered the most fun free game on the entire internet. At least, this week. Here’s some filler to warm you up:
Did you ever play Eat Poop My Cat? No; well, you’re not entirely alone, but I have found myself having to describe the game several times so far today. It’s a bit like Chinese Whispers bred with that game where you each write a line of a story and they had a child that looked suspiciously like their friend Pictionary but Chinese Whispers swears she was faithful. Basically, the first player writes a line: the more bizarre the better: such as “eat poop, my cat.” The second player has to draw a picture to represent this notion. The third player, given only the second player’s picture, has to describe it in a line of text. The fourth player draws their interpretation of what the third player wrote, and so on, until eventually you have an interpretation of a picture that has nothing to do with the original premise. Hilarity ensues.

Well; there’s an online version called The Sentence Game. It’s free, doesn’t require confirmation of an e-mail address, and great fun. Here’s two of the five games I played today: Dan reinterprets microphone/mermaid marriage; Andrew Lloyd Webber becomes Elvis’ mustache.

Give it a go.

How To Camp

Adam provides a very practical, (well-manicured) hands-on guide:

How To Camp

A Real Eye-Opener by C. Waltham

Mr. Westwood’s new book provides an intelligent look at the problems that face many modern men when it comes to camping. The book answers key questions (such as “How do I hammer in tent pegs with a limp wrist?”) in informal language, and is a perfect complement to your favourite gay or metrosexual man’s bookshelf.

The section on dealing with unwanted bears – who can advance upon your camp without warning – is also a must-see. Great value.

Good, but not great by bookworm331

Like many men, I’m already familiar with Adam’s work. I’ve been eagerly awaiting my pre-ordered copy of his new book for some time. Like his previous “how to” books, Getting Ahead By Giving Head and How To Pack Fudge, and his autobiography, A Gay Man Trapped In A Gay Man’s Body, this book brings big answers into a tight space and expresses it all through Adam’s friendly, approachable style.

He genuinely wants to help people get the most out of their camp experience, bending over himself to cover every angle of this homo-unfriendly pastime. I’ll certainly be keeping Adam between my pillows next time I’m in a tent.

My only criticism is that it’s a little on the heavy side, and if I’m in bed it can be hard to keep it up for more than a few minutes. Perhaps the upcoming soft-cover version will be a little more manageable. In the meantime, I’ll be looking out for his supplementary volume, Camping Within Tent.

i dont get it by whiner

DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK!!!!11 I bought this book for my nephew and was shocked when I casually fingered the first few pages: the authros confession is clear – he was never a boy scout.

how can we trust in his integrity? as a straight white GOD-fearing man (never mind as an expert on all things camp-related) if he was never part of our nations most valuable anti gay youth movement. i repeat DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK

Competitive Week Naming

Turns out that last week was both British Sausage Week and National Vegan Week. How cool would it be if they’d both tried to book the same venue to stage their events. If I was the venue owner, I’d let them, if only to see the fight ensue.

Who’d win in a fight between sausage-fanatics and vege-freaks? We have to take several factors into account before placing bets, I feel:

Sausage-fanatics almost certainly get more protien and are quite possibly more muscular than their vegetarian arch-nemeses.
On the other hand, people who eat sausages for a living are more likely to be overweight than the veggies: the inevitable side-effect of a well-balanced diet taken too far.
People who enjoy sausages are almost certainly more numerous than people who don’t eat meat or animal products at all. Who doesn’t like a good sausage from time to time?
But then, vegans – particularly those who organise conferences – are significantly more likely than almost any other group to consist of militant nutters.

Other questions are raised, too: if the fight came down to the position of just one conference stand, and that stand belonged to a company that made vegetarian sausages, which side of the fight would they find themselves on? Or would they end up being equally-hated by both sides?

In honesty, I think the strong sausage-suckers would have it, easily kicking the collective arses of the lefty leaf-lickers. But they’d probably suffer heavy casualties themselves, mostly a result of cholesterol-induced heart attacks among the more portly members as they try to chase down retreating vegetarians with frankfurter forks.

What do you think?

One In A Thousand

Next up for review is Claire‘s new autobiography:

One In A Thousand

5 Stars A Real Eye-Opener by C. Waltham

Claire’s story is moving: a young girl, dragged into a the cult of an unwinnable game. From her early involvement in this “harmless” pursuit, we begin to see the true horror of what she went through and how it affected her ability to live her life. A particularly moving part is where, towards the end of the book, she successfully walks by a multi-storey car park without feeling the need to walk around it. Inspiring.

4 Stars Good, but not great by bookworm331

Most people who pick up this book will never before have heard about Consecutive Number Plate Spotting (CNPS) or CNPS Addiction Relapse Syndrome (CARS), but this is a real problem that affects a significant minority of people. I myself was diagnoses with CNPS addiction several years ago, and this book was a great reminder of the kinds of things I had to struggle through.

The biggest problem for many CNPS addicts is how alone it can feel. I’m sure if I’d had this book when I was actually a sufferer, I could have recovered a lot sooner.

Of course, with the introduction of the new British number plate styles, number plates suitable for CNPS are becoming rarer, and the disease will slowly disappear too. This book, while an inspiring story, comes a few years too late to help people suffering from CNPS addiction today. In addition, it lacks information on CNPS withdrawal symptoms, which caused me difficulty for some time after I was “cured.” Still, a great story.

1 Stars i dont get it by whiner

GOD knew that number plates would be dangerous when he wrote Revelations 13:16-18 and warned us all about this mark of the beast I really feel for the poor souls who have been trapped by this dangerous cult and pray for them every day but unless they repent then GOD will strike them down and they will answer to S*TAN!

Man Love For Dummies

Not to be beaten to press by Grow Some Balls And Quit, Gareth and Jon push forward the publication date of their own non-fiction volume:

Man Love For Dummies

5 Stars A Real Eye-Opener by C. Waltham

I’ve always been curious about my sexuality. Am I gay? Am I straight? I just don’t know. This book has helped me a lot: seeing how an “out” couple like Gareth and Jon express themselves to one another through the physical act of lovemaking has helped me to realise my potential as a mincing shirt-lifter, and the illustrative pictures on the full-colour foldouts in the middle of the book are breathtaking. If, like me, you’ve ever wondered about man-on-man sex, this is the book for you.

4 Stars Good, but not great by bookworm331

I’ve been in a sexual relationship with a man for several years now, and to be honest, I didn’t think this book would do anything for us, but boy was I wrong. The authors’ – who are a genuine gay couple – frank advice revamped our sex life: more sex, better sex, and we’ve even discovered a new-found love for “toys” (thanks Chapter 6)

The down-to-earth tips in this book may seem crude to some, but if you’re new to the Man Love Scene (MLS) or if you’re just looking for a way to spice up your Man Love life, this is an invaluable guide.

My only criticism is that the middle section, which is filled with photographs of the authors themselves engaging in various sex acts, is uninspiring: if I really wanted to see two men lie head-to-tail and slap each other in the face with their penises, I’d go down the pub. This book delivers lots of useful knowledge, but, just like Jon in Chapter 7, it doesn’t go the extra mile.

1 Stars i dont get it by whiner

how can people even pick up this discusting book of sin! homosexuality is an ABOMINATION AGAINST GOD and they are going to bURN IN HELL for what they have done. If only these FAGS would pick up a real good book (hint: it’s the Bible!!!) for once in a while they wouldnt feel the need to force their vile urges upon schoolboys. I have not bought this book and neither should you.

Grow Some Balls And Quit

Jimmy‘s first book deal:

Grow Some Balls And Quit

A Real Eye-Opener by C. Waltham

Until I read Carter’s book, I had no idea that I was being so pathetic. Grow Some Balls And Quit showed me that I was just being a whiny pussy and that I could take my life into my own hands without having to resort to stupid measures like personal therapists and life coaches. Thanks, Jimmy!

Good, but not great by bookworm331

This book is full of great ideas about how to pull your finger out and fix your own problems, rather than just complaining to the rest of the world about how “it’s not fair,” or how you just got unlucky. Jimmy Carter compels us to take responsibility for our own problems and not ask other people to solve them for us.

I find it slightly hypocritical how he shuns self-help books, despite this being one, and more than a little sexist that he implies that the only way we can become self-reliant is to “grow some balls”: of course I realise this is a metaphor for courage, but the point remains the same.

I’d highly recommend this book to anybody: even if you’re not a liberal shithead you can lend it to your friends who are.

i dont get it by whiner

How can people think that this book will solve all of their problems???! i have lots of problems and this book hasnt helped 1 bit!!! I was given a copy by a friend who said that it would help me pull myself together but all it does is insult me and tell me that i am useless. the only way to realy solve your problems is to put your trust in to the lord JESUS CHRIST.

Dear $agony_aunt;

Dear $agony_aunt;

I am an intelligent graduate with a low-paid but satisfying job writing computer software for businesses. I am a very rational person, taking things as the evidence presents them, unaffected by superstition and trusting in my own senses and morality. I am an atheist. I am a non-vegetarian, and, in fact, particularly enjoy red meat that still bleeds when I spear it with my steak knife. I read the popular science books. I carry an MP3 player that isn’t made by Apple. I can program a VCR, but I wouldn’t stoop to doing so in this increasingly digital world. I am an exemplary model of the boot-wearing geeky white male engineer that has become such an icon for everything I stand for. If I were born twenty years earlier I would have owned a slide rule and a pocket protector, and been shunned by society. Instead, I carry a camera phone and tell jokes down the pub after a curry with my friends.

Recently, while working on the website of a client of ours, an abbatoir, I found myself momentarily squeamish at the stack of corpses depicted in some of their publicity. Just momentarily, and I still fully understand how irrational this was – I’m no stranger to the way that food is prepared, and I’d quite happily kill animals myself in order to eat them – I wasn’t at ease.

Does this mean I’m gay?

Sincerely,

Confused.