This post was removed shortly after its publication after a misunderstanding by the sender of the card lead to anger from their side of the family. I tried to pacify them, acceding
to their every request (explaining my thinking, sending an apology, removing this post, and eventually removing the comments they’d published to the post) but they nontheless cut off
contact with me and I haven’t heard from any of them since. They also cancelled their plans to attend QParty. Ten years later, I’ve restored the post: I’m not willing to censor myself
on behalf of somebody who refuses to talk to me for a decade even when I do exactly as they ask. See: all censored posts.
Sometimes my brain runs a little too fast for itself and comes up with explanations for things that are deeper than what is most likely the truth. For example, Claire and I received in the post this morning a card.
The card’s purpose is to accept our invitation to QParty, which starts in… eek… 520 hours! It’s a “thank you for inviting us, we’re coming” card.
But up until now, every card I’ve seen of this type has said “thank you,” on the front. This is the first one I’ve ever seen that says, simply, “Acceptance.”
And so my brain runs away without me: why “acceptance?” Is there a hidden meaning here – is the sender subtly saying that they don’t fully approve of QParty (perhaps they were holding out on a wedding), but that they have come to accept that this is what was invariably going to happen with me? And even if it wasn’t intentional, perhaps that’s a subliminal message; perhaps that’s what the sender was thinking when this card – this particular card – caught their eye in Paperway or The Post Office or wherever it originated from.
On the inside, there’s a space to write what it is that they’re accepting an invitation to, and rather than writing QParty, the sender has written “Bit of a Do.” What does that mean? Why would they re-title it in their own words? Is “a bit of a do” more or less significant than whatever (by this point I’ve convinced myself) they’re comparing it to: no doubt a more conventional engagement and marriage.
And by this point, my brain just starts itching to try to do something that they wouldn’t be able to accept, like turning up to QParty in drag with a harem of partners in tow.
Then I realise that I’ve run offon a tangent. Of course this isn’t what the sender (who you’ll notice I’m not naming – I’m at risk of offending them enough as it is and for that I apologise) means. They’ve very kindly replied by post to our invitation with a beautiful card and a kind message. They genuinely care for our happiness and respect our choices, and they’re delighted to share in this celebration of Claire and I’s love. Everything is fine.
Isn’t it?
Edit – 19 September 2017: After spending most of its life offline after a knee-jerk reaction by family members who haven’t spoken to me in the intervening decade, this post has been restored to the Internet.
Yes Dan, everything is fine.
Stop worrying!!! That is an order.
That is a weird card but it seems unlikely there is a deeper meaning. it’s not like it says ‘Begrudging acceptance’ on the front ^_^
I hate it when brains do that. Feel bad I didn’t send a pretty card now haha, ‘bit of a do’ is slightly disparaging though but I’m sure they didn’t mean it.
You were in my dream last night ;), see blog.
I think you’re worrying too much. Q Party is going to be great, even if it was just ‘meeting in the ship and castle for a drink’ affair it would be great so you have nothing to worry about! :) I’d give you a hug but you’re over there ——-> (miles away)
Do you have an outfit yet? I have nothing to wear and no money with which to buy anything nice and new, I’m sorry if I end up looking like a tramp!
x X x
Dan coming from a former english student I think you are over analysing. It’s all lovelyful! Can’t wait to see you all!
Jen
I read you comments about the acceptance card that my wife sent to you, they were pointed out to me by a third party.
This was after I found my wife in the kitchen with tears in her eyes, very very upset. I will not comment too much here about your actions, only to tell you that we will not be attending you function and that you have managed to alienate your closest relatives by your actions.
Edit – 19 September 2017: This comment was removed shortly after it was posted, at the request of the poster. It has now been restored. For more details, see the top of the post.
I think there’s been a misunderstanding, which I’ll be trying to correct as soon as possible.
Edit – 19 September 2017: This comment was removed shortly after it was posted, at the request of the person to whom it was addressed. It has now been restored. For more details, see the top of the post.
Try removing the whole offending article.
Edit – 19 September 2017: This comment was removed shortly after it was posted, at the request of the poster. It has now been restored. For more details, see the top of the post.
I’d rather come to an understanding of why it’s offensive, because if I’m able to cause so much upset without even knowing why, I reckon that I’m liable to do it again: unless you help me, I can’t learn from my mistakes.
I’m in the process of removing the article now, but I’d appreciate it if you’d e-mail or call me and we’ll work it out. I’ve already sent an e-mail to Anne to apologise and to invite comment.
Sorry again.
Edit – 19 September 2017: This comment was removed shortly after it was posted, at the request of the person to whom it was addressed. It has now been restored. For more details, see the top of the post.
Remove all of this rubbish and leave me and mine alone.
Edit – 19 September 2017: This comment was removed shortly after it was posted, at the request of the poster. It has now been restored. For more details, see the top of the post.
By the request of a commenter, all of the comments above belonging to that commenter and to myself have been removed.
Edit – 19 September 2017: These comments have now been restored. For more details, see the top of the post.
Hey; don’t want to upset your relatives, but I thought I’d just say that I still like you, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.
I’ve changed my mind; I’m willing to risk offending your relatives.
Mr Armstrong: Your actions are very unfair in this. If you knew Dan at all, you’d know that he tries very hard to avoid offending or upsetting anyone. He’s a good person. You, on the other hand, seem quite willing to say things which are potentially hurtful and definitely rude (it’s an opinion – just because you don’t agree with it doesn’t make it “rude”).
I’m sorry you found something upsetting in this post about how pleased Dan was at the possibility that you might be ok with him being who he is. And I’m very sorry that your wife was upset, there’s nothing more horrible than seeing the people you care about being unhappy. But I don’t see why you aren’t willing to try and talk this through, figure out what went wrong, and make peace.
If you’re considering just disregarding this in anger as you did Dan’s attempts to calm the situation down, I’d like to ask you to think again. I know we’ve never met and I have no right to ask anything of you, but even though I don’t know you, I know Dan well. And I can promise you he didn’t mean to hurt you or yours.