Fantasy Terrorist League

You know what’s become quite popular among the masses since the take-off of the Internet? Fantasy leagues. Yes; that’s right – those things previously reserved for pub regulars and geeky play-by-mail types. Now, the internet is full of Fantasy Sports Leagues, Fantasy Share Trading, and so on.

For those of you not in the know; when playing in a fantasy league you are allocated a number of points (frequently represented by pseudo-currency). These points can be spent on, for example, famous football players, or companies, or whatever, and as the perceieved values of these commodities change (e.g. the footballer scores more goals, or particpates in more winning matches… or the companies share value changes), the value of your team/portfolio adjusts accordingly. You can then sell the successful players or shares (ideally at their “market peak”) in order to finance the purchase of others, plus a small profit for yourself. Some fantasy leagues take this to it’s logical extreme, and actually play gambling for real money (with the values of the commodities scaled down by a factor to accomodate the wallets of the participants, of course – few people carry around enough spare cash to finance a premier league football team).

So; here’s my idea: Fantasy Terrorist League. It’s a web site where, once you’ve signed up an account, you’re given a number of ‘points’ which you can invest in the many terrorist organisations that are active the world over. The value of these terrorist groups decreases gradually over time, unless they get media attention. Value of groups goes up as they are featured in the news. Value of groups rises dramatically as they perform other acts: for example, taking a hostage might be worth 5 points per hostage taken (2 bonus points for a successful execution); detonating a car or truck bomb might be worth 10 points (with bonus points available for damaging foreign embassies); a toxic gas attack or biological terror might get a group’s value up by 15 points; a plane hijacking could increase a group’s value by 20 or 30 points. The points weightings will be variable, too, based on difficulty (it’s a lot more difficult now to hijack a plane than it used to be, apparently) and popularity (“Oh great; HAMAS did another suicide bombing… by the time the PLO get around to detonating one it’ll be worth nothing! I knew I should have invested in those Chechen rebels…”). Of course, I wouldn’t run such a site as a real gambling site (last thing I’d want is somebody with, how shall we put this – insider information – using it to gain a profit to support their activities), but I think it’d be a fascinating social experiment to run as a true “fantasy league”.

If you think this is in bad taste: fuck off. o_|/ It amused me for awhile when I thought of it.

Geeky Winnage With Bluetooth

Geeky winnage! This evening I wrote a pair of applications enabling me to use my new Bluetooth-enabled mobile phone as a remote control for WinDVD, the DVD playing software I use on my computer.

Not just a geeky project, this is fuelled by a genuine need: every Troma Night, when the pizza arrives, we end up scrambling for the keyboard in order to pause the film, or I find myself wandering back and forwards, trying to set the volume to an audible-to-all but not-deafening level. With the aid of this new funky toy, I can do this from my seat. Toy.

I’m looking forward to other ideas for uses for this technology. Tools already exist to allow you to control your media player and PowerPoint presentations using a Bluetooth mobile phone, but I’m sure that there are more useful applications that I can use in order to improve my own, personal geeky life.

Toy.

Our Web Developer’s “Line Of The Day”

Yet again my concern for the value of an Internet Computer Science degree from UWA is raised, as a dippy co-worker with two years of such a degree behind her asks me for help:

“Dan,” she begins, “How do I make a table in PHP?”

For those of you that don’t know quite as much about web design as she should, PHP is a programming language used, amongst other things, for developing dynamic, flexible web sites which integrate with other data sources. This weblog, for example, is powered by PHP. It is most frequently used to output HTML, the language of the web.

“I think you mean HTML,” I reply, seeing what she’s trying to achieve – the alignment of two text fields with their corresponding labels. She’ll need a simple two-by-two table. The code for this is as follows:

<table>
  <tr>
    <td>
      Top-Left Text
    </td>
    <td>
      Top-Right Text
    </td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <td>
      Bottom-Left Text
    </td>
    <td>
      Bottom-Right Text
    </td>
  </tr>
</table>

What are they teaching them these days? I remember learning this at about age 14, using Netscape’s examples. This young woman has been studying Internet-fucking-Computing at degree level for two years and hasn’t been shown this?

Don’t even get me started on the fact that she shouldn’t be using a table for the purpose she was trying to use it for.

Update 2023-12-07: In hindsight, I made a knee-jerk reaction in writing this blog post. I should have treated this junior developer as what I’d now call “one of the lucky 10,000” and been more-supportive and a better teacher. We’re all learning, and back in 2004 I clearly had a lot of learning still to do.

Programmer’s Day

Programmer's Day - old boxen and classic games.Apparently it’s Programmer’s Day, so Paul, Bryn, Claire and I put together an old low-end Pentium into a dual-booting Red Hat/Windows 98SE box, and racked up some classic games of the 80s and 90s. Fab.

There’s actually some debate about whether Programmer’s Day should be included as a Wikipedia entry… as there’s not a lot of evidence that anybody actually supports it, except for a few hardcore geeks (most of whom discovered it on Wikipedia or a site that uses it as a source) and some Russians who started a petition.

In any case, we had a lot of fun, and we’ll be doing it next year.

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JavaScript Random Quote Generator

A friend sent me an e-mail yesterday asking if I knew of a simple random quote generator that she could embed on her web page. So I’ve written one, and I’m making it available here on the off chance that anybody else wants it too. It’s implemented in JavaScript, and works simply by including a separate .js file within the document. The ZIP file contains both the .js file (which will need to be edited in a plain text editor such as Notepad, to insert your own quotes) and a .html file, which provides an example of it’s usage. Unzip both to a folder and double-click on the HTML file to see it in action.

Download QuoteGen (ZIP file, 1.07KB).

A.I. Nuts, Again

Do you remember a week or two ago I wrote about a guy who patented the “Ethical Rules Of Artificial Intelligence”? Well – it looks like he’s read my article and placed his own comments. I’m quite surprised and impressed that he took the time (away from his heavy schedule of philosophising or book-signing or whatever) to come and read my counter-arguments to his ideas, and placed comments of his own (albeit mostly pre-fabricated stuff).

Here’s to you, John LaMuth.

Sick And Wrong Use Of Emacs

I’ve been made aware of an easter egg in emacs, a text editor.

Fire up a copy of emacs, hit meta-X (alt-x), then type doctor to talk to an ELIZA-like chatbot. Better yet, type psychoanalyze-pinhead to… well… you’ll see…

Have my two-tone, 1958 Nash METRO brought around..
I don’t understand.
So this is what it feels like to be potato salad
Do you really think you might want to be a potato?
Don’t SANFORIZE me!!
Are you frightened by that?
It’s OBVIOUS.. The FURS never reached ISTANBUL.. You were an EXTRA in the REMAKE of “TOPKAPI“.. Go home to your WIFE.. She’s making FRENCH TOAST!
Possibly your sex life is related to this.
I feel partially hydrogenated!
What makes you think you feel partially hydrogenated?
What I want to find out is — do parrots know much about Astro-Turf?
Earlier you said you would like to be a potato?
Well, I’m INVISIBLE AGAIN.. I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES ROOM..

Etc.

World’s First Room-Temperature Plastic Magnet

New Scientist reports that researchers at the University of Durham have created the world’s first plastic magnet to work at room temperature (previous plastic magnets worked only at extremely low temperatures, typically measurable in double-digit Kelvins).

I’m sure I’m likely to be corrected on some minor point by any of the physicists who read this blog, but – for dummies:

Traditional (and naturally occuring) solid-state ferric magnets work by having their composite atoms aligned to all ‘face the same way’: the difference in potential between the ends of the atom causes a magnetic field, and the combined action of these is what makes the magnetism. These can be created by heating the metal (freeing the movement of the atoms) and then exposing it to another magnet (aligning the atoms) before allowing it to cool. More on magnets from Wikipedia.

Conversely, these counterpart plastic magnets are composed of a two-part polymer and the magnetism is induced by the alignment of free radicals within the plastic.

Plastic magnets have applications in computer magnetic storage, mechanical medicinal implants, and other fields.

Troma Night Website Integrates With Abnib

Woo and indeed hoo! I’m really starting to enjoy programming RSS feeds into my web sites now. I’ve just done a little bit of recoding of the Troma Night website to allow the newly-relaunched Aberystwyth weblog aggregator, Abnib, to syndicate it. Now, Abnib will show the details of the next upcoming Troma Night… and not a moment too soon – if you’re viewing this post on Abnib, you’ll see the announcement of tonight’s Troma Night just below it. Yay!

Abnib’s Back!

Abnib Journals button

(much thanks due to Gareth)

Abnib, the Aberystwyth Weblog Aggregator (bringing you niblets of the best of Aber’s weblogs) is back online, after months of absence. Take a look and see who you recognise.

Haven’t quite gotten around to putting everybody’s ‘mugshots’ in there (as I’m having some difficulty with semitransparent PNGs), but Gareth’s made a good few to get us going. Yay! Hooray for Gareth! And Aberystwyth! And Abnib! And RSS!

How Google Could De-Throne AIM, And Other Geeky News

There’s an article on how Google could overthrow AIM/ICQ (link removed; apple-x.net now seems to be occupied by domain squatters), and perhaps even MSN Messenger, from their dominant positions in the instant messenger market, and improve internet standards usage and accessibility, by releasing their own instant messenger tool powered by the (wonderful) Jabber protocol. It’s a lovely idea, but (sadly) not one which is likely to happen.

On similarly geeky news, there’s a new web site, BrowseHappy, which aims to help everyday users make the switch away from Internet Explorer to safer, simpler, faster, better browsers. If you’re still using IE, take a look. If you’re already enlightened, show it to your unenlightened friends. It’s a very approachable site in nice, easy language.

And finally, there’s apparently a new worm doing the rounds, “Peeping Tom”, which, upon infection, turns on the victim’s webcam and microphone, and begins broadcasting to the world. What a lovely idea for a novelty virus.

Thanks for listening

A.I. For Deluded Nutcases

Some goon (sorry: Californian counsellor) has patented Inductive Inference Affective Language Analyzer Simulating Artificial Intelligence (including the Ten Ethical Laws Of Robotics). It’s nothing but unintelligible babble, interspersed by (inaccurate) references to artificial intelligence theory. The author (who also writes a book on family values with a distinct evangelic slant, from which most of the text of the patent seems to be taken) appears to know nothing about A.I. or computer science. In addition, I find his suggestion that ‘wooly’ and ‘vague’ rules and ‘commandments’ are sensible choices for A.I. safeguards –

While a meaningful future artificial intelligence may be more than capable of understanding rules set out in a way that a human might like to express it – indeed, for some machine intelligences (artificial or not) this capacity to understand human speech and expressions could be a very useful feature – this is not the level at which safeguards should be implemented.

While I appreciate the need for ‘safeguards’ (the need is that humans would not feel safe without them, as even early machine intelligences – having been built for a specific purpose – will be in many ways superior to their human creators and therefore be perceived as a threat to them), I do not feel that a safeguard which depends on the machine already being fully functional would be even remotely effective. Instead, such safeguards should be implemented at a far lower and fundamental level.

For an example of this, think of the safety procedures that are built into modern aircraft. An aeroplane is a sophisticated and powerful piece of machinery with some carefully-designed artificial intelligence algorithms pre-programmed into it, such as the autopilot and autoland features, the collision avoidance system, and the fuel regulators. Other, less sophisticated decision-making programs include the air pressure regulators and the turbulence indicators.

If the cabin pressure drops, an automatic system causes oxygen masks to drop from the overhead compartment. But this is not the only way to cause this to happen – the pilot also has a button for this purpose. On many ‘planes, in the event of a wing fire, the corresponding engine will be switched off – but this decision can be overridden by a human operator. These systems are all exhibiting high-level decision-making behaviour: rules programmed in to the existing systems. But these are, in the end, a second level safeguard to the low-level decision-making that prompts the pilot to press the button that drops the masks or keeps the engine on. These overrides are the most fundamental and must crucial safeguards in a modern aircraft: the means to physically cause or prevent the behaviour of the A.I..

Let’s go back to our ‘robots’ – imagine a future not unlike that expressed in films like Blade Runner or I, Robot, in which humanoid robotic servants assist humans with many menial tasks. Suppose, for whatever reason (malice, malfunction, or whatever), a robot attacks a human – the first level of safeguard (and the only one suggested by both films and by the author of the “Ten Ethical Laws“) would be that the human could demand that the robot desist. This would probably be a voice command: “Stop!”. But of course, this is like the aeroplane that ‘decides’ to turn off a burning engine – we already know that something has ‘gone wrong’ in the AI unit: the same machine that has to process the speech, ‘stop’. How do we know that this will be correctly understood, particularly if we already know that there has been a malfunction? If the command fails to work, the human’s only likely chance for survival would be to initialise the second, low-level safeguard – probably a reset switch or “big red button”.

You see: the rules that the author proposes are unsubstantial, vauge, and open to misinterpretation – just like the human’s cry for the robot to stop, above. The safeguards he proposes are no more effective than asking humans to be nice to one another is to preventing crime.

Whether or not it is ethical to give intelligent entities ‘off’ buttons is, of course, another question entirely.

Additional: On further reading, it looks as if the author of the document recently saw “I, Robot” and decided that his own neo-Christian viewpoint could be applied to artificial intelligences: which, of course, it could, but there is no reason to believe that it would be any more effective on any useful artificial intelligence than it would be on any useful ‘real’ intelligence.