Turns out that last week was both British Sausage Week and National Vegan Week. How cool would it be if they’d both tried to book the same venue to stage their events. If I was the venue owner, I’d let them, if only to see the fight ensue.
Who’d win in a fight between sausage-fanatics and vege-freaks? We have to take several factors into account before placing bets, I feel:
- Sausage-fanatics almost certainly get more protien and are quite possibly more muscular than their vegetarian arch-nemeses.
- On the other hand, people who eat sausages for a living are more likely to be overweight than the veggies: the inevitable side-effect of a well-balanced diet taken too far.
- People who enjoy sausages are almost certainly more numerous than people who don’t eat meat or animal products at all. Who doesn’t like a good sausage from time to time?
- But then, vegans – particularly those who organise conferences – are significantly more likely than almost any other group to consist of militant nutters.
Other questions are raised, too: if the fight came down to the position of just one conference stand, and that stand belonged to a company that made vegetarian sausages, which side of the fight would they find themselves on? Or would they end up being equally-hated by both sides?
In honesty, I think the strong sausage-suckers would have it, easily kicking the collective arses of the lefty leaf-lickers. But they’d probably suffer heavy casualties themselves, mostly a result of cholesterol-induced heart attacks among the more portly members as they try to chase down retreating vegetarians with frankfurter forks.
What do you think?
The cannibals win. They can have vegan sausages without feeling guilty.
Did you find the key?