Stuck in a Lift

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I was a small child the first time I got stuck in an elevator. I was always excited by lifts and the opportunity for button-pushing that they provided1, and so I’d run ahead of my mum to get into a lift, at which point the doors closed behind me. The call button on the outside didn’t work for some reason, and I wasn’t tall enough to reach the “open doors” button on the inside. As a result, I was trapped within the elevator until it was called from another floor.

Dan, aged ~4, stands on a railway station platform alongside his mother, yawning, on a bench. It is overcast and drizzly.
The lift I got stuck in as a child wasn’t here at Liskeard Station in Cornwall2. This photo is just to provide a sense of scale about how small I once was.
That time as a small child is, I think, the only time I’ve been stuck in a lift as a result of my own incapability. But my most-memorable getting-stuck-in-a-lift was without a doubt a result of my own stupidity.

How to brake break a lift

Y’see: it turns out that in some lifts, the emergency brakes are sensitive enough that even a little bit of a bounce can cause them to engage. And once they’re locked-on, the lift won’t move – at all – until the brakes are manually released by an engineer.

As I discovered, way back in March 2004.

Screengrab from the third episode of Russian Doll, showing Alan (Charlie Barnett) and Nadia (Natasha Lyonne) standing in a lift whose red emergency lights have come on.
Contrary to what TV and movies will teach you, it’s actually incredibly difficult to make a lift “drop” down its shaft.

On behalf of Three Rings, I was speaking at the 2004 Nightline Association conference. While there, I’d bumped into my friend Fiona, who was also attending the conference3 The conference was taking place on the upper floor of the Manchester University Students Union building, and as the pair of us got into a lift down to the ground floor, I noticed something strange.

“Woah! This lift is really spongy, isn’t it?” I asked, noticing how much the cabin seemed to bounce and sag as we stepped into it.

“Yeah,” said Fiona, shifting her weight to give it an experimental jiggle.

The elevator started to descend, and as it did so we both gave it another gentle bump, mostly (in my case at least) with an experimental mindset: did it only wobble so much when it was stopped at a floor, or did it do it at all times?

It turns out it did so at all times. Except when it bounced between floors, as we were now, the emergency brakes detected this as a problem and locked on. The lift jerked to an immediate halt. We were stuck.

Touchscreen interface for operating a smart lift, housed in the lobby.
I was reminded of my 2004 capture-by-a-lift in a dream the other night, which in turn was probably inspired by Ruth sharing with me her recent experience of using a “smart” lift she found in Dublin.

We shouted for help from people passing on a nearby floor, and they were able to summon assistance from the lift’s maintenance company. Unfortunately, we were told, because it was a weekend we’d likely have to wait around four hours before anybody could get to us, so we’d have to amuse ourselves in the meantime.

The first thing I learned about Fiona that day

That’s when I made the first of two discoveries that I would make, this day, about Fiona. I learned… that she’s mildly claustrophobic. Not enough to stop her from going into a lift, but enough that when she knows she can’t get out of a lift, it’s likely to cause her a problem. I realised that I should try to find a way to distract her from our situation, so I suggested a game.

“How about I-Spy?” I asked, half-jokingly, knowing that this game could surely not occupy us for long within the confines of a small metal box.

“Sure,” she agreed, “You go first.”

Three-storey building on a city street.
The Manchester University Student’s Union building. Image courtesy Peter McDermott, used under a CC-By-SA license.

“I spy with my little eye… something beginning with… N!” I said. If we were going to be stuck here playing I-Spy for several hours, I might as well pick something deviously tricky. Embedded into the corners of the floor were four recessed hexagonal nuts: my word was nut. That’d keep her occupied for a while.

I forget what she guessed and when, but she eventually guessed correctly. It probably took less than 5 minutes. Now it was her turn.

The second thing I learned about Fiona that day

Fiona thought for a little while, looking around our tiny prison for inspiration. Eventually, she’d found something:

“I spy with my little eye,” she said. Then, after a pause: “Something beginning with… S.”

“Screw?” I asked, assuming immediately that she’d have chosen something as devious as I’d thought mine was, and noticing that the button panel was secured with a quartet of recessed flat-head screws. Nope, Fiona indicated.

“Shoes? Oh! Soles?” I suggested, pointing to the bottoms of my shoes, which were visible as I sat on the floor of the lift. Nope.

“Shirt? Socks?” I glanced at myself. I wasn’t sure there was much inside the lift that wasn’t me or Fiona, so it seemed likely that the thing I was looking for was on, or part of, one of us.

“Step?” I gambled, indicating the metal strip that ran underneath the closed doors. No luck.

“Umm… shaft? Can you see part of the lift shaft somehow?” A smirk and an eye roll. I was getting further from the right answer.

Finger pressing a lift button.
It turns out there’s not much to I-Spy in a stopped elevator. “Six? Seven? No… wait… there aren’t that many floors in this building…”

“Ssss….sliding doors?” “Slit?” “Slot?” Still nothing.

This continued for… three… hours4. Fiona sat, self-satisfied, smugly enjoying my increasing frustration right up until the point at which the lift engineer arrived and began levering open the doors on one of the two floors we were between to allow us to wriggle our way out. I must’ve inspected every square centimetre of that tiny space, of myself, and of my gaming companion. Clearly I was alongside the world grandmaster of I-Spy and hadn’t even known it.

“Okay, I give up,” I said, at last. “What the hell was it?”

Soon, I would make the second of the two discoveries I would make about Fiona that day. That she’s quite profoundly dyslexic.

“Circle,” she said, pointing at the lit ring around the alarm button, which we’d pressed some hours before.

Dan, touching his temples, a pained look on his face.
I don’t think it’s possible for a person to spontaneously explode. Because if it were, I’d have done so.

I’d like to think that when Fiona got stuck in a lift a second time that same Spring, it was karma.

Footnotes

1 My obsession with button-pushing as a child also meant that it was hard to snap a photo of me, because I always wanted to be the one to press the shutter button. I’ve written about this previously, if you’d like to see examples of a photos I took as a toddler.

2 The photo is, specifically, Platform 3 of Liskeard Station, which is distinctly separate from the other two platforms, requiring that you leave the main station and cross the road. This is a quirky consequence of the way this section of the Liskeard to Looe branch line was constructed, which necessitated entering Liskeard at right angles to the rest of the station.

3 If I remember rightly, I first met Fiona on a bulletin board when she volunteered to help test Three Rings. She later visited Aberystwyth where she and Kit – who was also helping with the project back in those days – fell in love. It was very sweet.

4 I’d love to say that the three hours flew by, but they didn’t. But it was still infinitely preferable to being stuck in there alone. And, in fact, there are plenty of people for whom I’d have rather been stuck alone than stuck with.

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WCEU23 – Day 2

My second day of the main conference part of WordCamp Europe 2023 was hampered slightly by a late start on my part.

Dan, sweating, with an actively-used dancefloor in the background.
I can’t say for certain why I woke up mildly hungover and with sore knees, but I make an educated guess that it might be related to the Pride party I found myself at last night.

Still, I managed to get to all the things I’d earmarked for my attention, including:


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WCEU23 – Day 1

The first “full” day of WordCamp Europe 2023 (which kicked-off at Contributor Day) was busy and intense, but I loved it.

This post is basically a live-blog of everything I got up to, and it’s mostly for my own benefit/notetaking. If you don’t read it, nobody will blame you.

Seen from behind, a very long queue runs through a conference centre.
Six minutes after workshop registration opened its queue snaked throughout an entire floor of the conference centre.

Here’s what I got up to:


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WCEU23 – Contributor Day

Among the many perks of working for a company with a history so tightly-intertwined with that of the open-source WordPress project is that license to attend WordCamps – the biggest WordPress conferences – is basically a given.

Dan, wearing an Automattic "Let's make the Web a better place" t-shirt, stands in front of a banner welcoming attendees to WordCamp Europe Athens 2023.
So yeah, right now I’m in Athens for WordCamp Europe 2023.

It’s frankly a wonder that this is, somehow, my first WordCamp. As well as using it1 and developing atop it2, of course, I’ve been contributing to WordPress since 2004 (albeit only in a tiny way, and not at all for most of the last decade!).

A table placeholder labelled "WP-CLI". It and s handful of Coke cans and disposable coffee cups are picked-out in colour on an otherwise monochrome and blurred picture.
If you already know what WP-CLI is… let’s be friends.

Today is Contributor Day, a pre-conference day in which folks new and old get together in person to hack on WordPress and WordPress-adjacent projects. So I met up with Cem, my Level 4 Dragonslayer friend, and we took an ultra-brief induction into WP-CLI3 before diving in to try to help write some code.

Dan takes a selfie from a round table covered in laptops, with people hacking at them.
Contributor Days are about many things, but perhaps their biggest value comes from lowering the barrier to becoming a new contributor to an open-source project by sitting you right next to somebody who already knows it well.

So today, as well as meeting some awesome folks, I got to write an overly-verbose justification for a bug report being invalid and implement my first PR for WP-CLI: a bugfix for a strange quirk in output formatting.

Screenshot showing a user running `wp plugin update --all --no-color` but the output putting the word "Success" in green.
The bug I fixed is slightly hard to describe (and even harder to explain why it matters), but here’s a summary: when you run a WP-CLI command that first displays a table and then the result, the result is likely to always appear in colour even if you specify --no-color.

I hope to be able to continue contributing to WP-CLI. I learned a lot about it today, and while I don’t use it as much as I used to in my multisite-management days, I still really respect its power as a tool.

MacBook showing an Automattic "Work For Us" web page, alongside a bottle of Corona Extra. A rooftop terrace garden and swimming pool can be seen in the background.
Did I mention lately how awesome my employers are? I promise my blog’s not always gonna be me shilling for them… but today it is.

Footnotes

1 Even with the monumental stack of custom code woven into DanQ.me, a keen eye will probably spot that it’s WordPress-powered.

2 Perhaps my proudest “built on WordPress” moment was my original implementation of OpenID for WordPress, back in 2005, which is completely obsolete now. But I’ve done plenty of other things, both useful (like the multisite installation used by the University of Oxford) and pointless (like making WordPress a CMS for Gemini, Gopher, and Finger) too over the last 20 years.

3 WP-CLI is… it’s like Drush but for WordPress, if that makes sense to you? If not: it’s a multifaceted command-line tool for installing, configuring, maintaining, and managing WordPress installations, and I’ve been in love with it for years.

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