Claire & Paul

Why do Paul and Claire find it so impossible to get along? This evening, Paul’s cooking: right now, Claire’s preparing some vegetables for him, and they’ve begun arguing. Paul wants Claire to do things a particular way, and Claire doesn’t feel that Paul is giving her enough information to justify doing it. So Paul gets defensive, which Claire doesn’t feel answers her question, so she goes on the offensive, hiding behind a veil of being reasonable while actually trying to score as many blows as possible. This sends Paul spiralling into an agressive position. “Why don’t you do it, then?” Paul shouts, visibly exasperated…

…it’s all fine: within an hour, they’re okay again, laughing and joking and smiling… but I always end up feeling like I’m in the crossfire. And somehow, I don’t seem to be all swings and roundabouts as fast as the combatants themselves.

Grr.

Tequila And Television

Claire went out on a work Christmas bash last night, so Paul and I decided to have a quiet night in with various retro TV shows (thanks UKNova) and drinks. All we had in in the latter category, however, was half a bottle of tequila, half a bottle of white rum, and a handful of other, less digestible things…

So, we thought, we’d wander out to Threshers, buy some more tequila and some orange juice and some grenadine, and have a tequila sunrise or ten. By the time we’d reached the bottom of both bottles of tequila we were feeling quite merry, but that didn’t stop us from continuing to mix drinks, substituting white rum instead. Drunk, Paul was heard to say, “Yeh… you can do a tequila sunrise with rum… they call it… <thinks> a tequila sunset…” Umm… okay.

Anyway, we watched Stressed Eric and Ban This Filth and a rental copy of Adaptation, one of my favourite films. JTA turned up with “Ruth, and were eventually followed by Ruth’s brothers, Owen and Robin, who sat and drank beer and watched bad TV with us.

Anyhow, Paul doesn’t seem so good this morning. =o)

The Story Of Apple’s Graphing Calculator

There’s a fascinating story behind Apple’s “Graphing Calculator” application. Here’s an extract:

In August 1993, the project was canceled. A year of my work evaporated, my contract ended, and I was unemployed… …I was frustrated by all the wasted effort, so I decided to uncancel my small part of the project. I had been paid to do a job, and I wanted to finish it. My electronic badge still opened Apple’s doors, so I just kept showing up… …they asked, “Who do you report to? What group are you in? Why haven’t we seen this earlier?” I explained that I had been sneaking into the building and that the project didn’t exist. They laughed, until they realized I was serious.

Go read it. It’s a great story.

Conversation Of The Day With A Client

Fictional, of course. None of our clients are actually this stupid, and I wouldn’t be silly enough to publish a real event like this on my blog, ever.

A client phones up and asks to speak to me.

Client: “I’m using the ‘Data Export’ tool in… [part of application I wrote, new version recently deployed to him] …it was my understanding that it always used to export Excel files.”
Me: “Umm. Yes. Well, actually, it exports CSV files – that’s Comma Seperated Values. Excel will open them, and if you have it installed, it becomes the default application for opening such files.”
Client: “Mm-hmm. It seems to think they’re text files.”
Me: “Text files? You mean they’re opening in Notepad?”
Client: “Yup.”
Me: “Ah; okay – well, we just have to tell it to open them in Excel, then. Right-click on the file, and select ‘Open With…’: ‘Excel’.”
Client: “It’s not there.”
Me: “Oh. That’s odd. Okay then, just open Excel from the Start Menu.”
Client: “I can’t find it.”
Me: <thinks> “Which computer are you using?”
Client: “The server.”
Me: “Do you have Excel installed on the server?”
Client: “No.”

Thanks to Task Tracker, SmartData‘s funky in-house timesheeting tool, and it’s drill-down reports, I’m able to look back over the last year and work out exactly how much more work I’d have gotten done if our clients were even slightly computer-literate and didn’t need to keep calling up for help with trivial things every ten minutes. Ah well.

Statto Plays With Blacklight

Statto has an article on his blog about using his digital camera to take infared pictures which is worth a look, if you’re even vaugely interested/bored/geeky/a physicist/all of the above. He’s taken some fascinating pictures of infared remote control beams and things through filters, and provided a little bit of an informative background as to why it all looks like it does, too. Go look.

Man And The Machines

There’s a fascinating article on LegalAffairs.org (the self-styled “magazine at the intersection of law and life” on artificial intelligence and legal/ethical/socialogical considerations relating to it. Despite disagreeing with a few of it’s points, it’s well-written and excellently-presented. Go read it.

In case the site stops publishing the article, I’ve made a copy, below. Click on the ‘next page‘ link to read it here.

Scoville Units For Dummies

For the benefit of they that asked: a Scoville Scale worth seeing. I’m impressed that I own a bottle of the hottest sauce they do that’s actually intended for consumption.

If I had £140, I still wouldn’t spend it on a bottle of Blaire’s 6A.M.… when a pepper sauce is contains three times the capsaicin level of police-grade pepper spray, it’s not designed to be used as food. I mean, really.

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Bug In Internet Explorer… But How Do I Tell Anybody?

This morning, I found a bug in Internet Explorer. I wasn’t using it, of course, but I’d sent a Macromedia Flash file to a colleague by e-mail, who opened it in IE, but couldn’t.

It turns out that Internet Explorer can’t cope with opening Flash (.swf) files from the local file system, if the filename contains an apostrophe (e.g. “Dan’s Pictures.swf”). Crazy little bug, but I’ve tested it a little and it seems that this really is the case. But how do I report it?

Microsoft‘s web site, despite a redesign, is a sprawling mess. Eventually I gave up and submitted it as a ‘feature request’. I submitted PNG-support as a feature request, too, because it would be nice if sites like Abnib looked as good to the unwashed masses of IE users as it does to users of real web browsers.

Which D&D Character Are You?

I Am A: Chaotic Neutral Elf Mage Druid

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral characters are unstable, and frequently insane. They believe in disorder first and foremost, and will thus strive for that disorder in everything they do. This means that they will do whatever seems ‘fun’ or ‘novel’ at any given time.
Race: Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.
Primary Class: Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.
Secondary Class: Druids are a special variety of Cleric who serves the Earth, and can call upon the power in the earth to accomplish their goals. They tend to be somewhat fanatical about defending natural settings. (could equally be secondary class: Bard)
Deity: Azuth is the Lawful Neutral god of wizards and mages. He is also known as the High One, and is the Patron of Wizards. His followers believe that a systematic approach to magic is the best, and they strive for calm and caution in order to avoid accidents. They wear shimmering robes, and are well-versed in magic, as well as typical priest spells. Azuth’s symbol is a hand with a raised, glowing index finger.

Which D&D Character Are You?

I still loathe D&D.

Nightmare Day, Part Two

The horror continues:

1. Still no fix for Andromeda. SmartData‘s web site is currently a temporary holding page I knocked up, and everybody’s e-mails come to my desktop to be sorted and delivered to them by hand. The hosting provider still hasnt gotten back to me with anything but excuses, despite my calling them every hour to “remind” them to pull their collective fingers out.

2. I have a killer headache, which is making thinking through this morning’s problems somewhat more difficult than it should be. And I haven’t even started the work I need to get done today, yet.

Nightmare Day, Part One

1. Andromeda (Smartdata‘s main online server) goes down, taking our web site and e-mail with it.

2. The hosts are slow and arsey and aren’t much help at all. “I can ping it,” says one. “Yes, well I can ping it too,” I reply, coldly, “But apart from that, it doesn’t seem to have any purpose other than to help keep your building warm!” I finally persuade them to go and look at it.

3. Oh yeh – did I mention that this happened, taking (as I said) our web site down, just as we launch some national publicity? My boss doesn’t look happy.

4. Why do letters with windows in them so rarely contain, like, Christmas cards and other fluffy things? Mine, today, was from the council, insisting that, no, really, I do have to pay them one-and-a-half people’s council tax for the next two and a half years.

Kittens Are Cute

Kittens are immensely cute. See below.

Three Sleeping Kittens

That aside, and now I’ve gotten the attention of all of you, I’m not going to write about kittens at all. As those of you who read Abnib (or otherwise read both Bryn and my blog), we had a little kerfuffle yesterday about the Welsh language. I thought I’d probably get a chance to post first, before he did, but I’ve learned very well not to post when drunk, and waited ’til this morning… by which time he’d written his own. In any case…

On The Value Of The Welsh Language

I agree entirely with Bryn that Welsh is indeed, not, definitively, an old dead language. In fact, I was surprised to find that usage of the language is increasing in many areas of Wales (which, to be fair, I find hard to understand the reasons for – I would have always have suspected it of being a language in decline). Statistically speaking, Welsh usage in Aberystwyth has fallen in the last 10 years (source: 1991/2001 census), but this can be attributed to the fact that the survey methods used between these two censuses has changed – for the first time, in 2001, students were counted by their term-time address (which is, to be fair, typically where they spend most of the year), rather than their home-time address. A deeper look at the statistics shows that the number of Welsh speakers in Aberystwyth has increased pretty much in-line with the population over the last decade. A great demonstration of what can be ‘proven’ with statistics.

In any case, Bryn’s blog entry meanders around the topic a little – if his post is directed (as I assume it is) to me, then he makes the mistake that I am comparing the Welsh language to British English, a dialect of English spoken by approximately 15% of English speakers worldwid… and, in fact, we spent a little while later in the evening finding fault with English – which, let’s face it, with it’s non-phonetic structure, crazy spellings, inconsistent double-letters, and double-meanings [right?], isn’t difficult – at which point the comparison came between Welsh and other phonetic languages; in particular Russian (which uses the nightmare Cyrillic alphabet) and Latin (which really is a dead language, sadly), and – kind of – Esperanto.

In the end, I think it’s important for Bryn to realise that it was not him I was trying to spark a debate about (which, in the end, is my only aim when launching with a contraversial point such as the one I made), but a language which he happens to speak (and which, given any kind of free time in my life, I’d still love to learn – something I’ve been promising myself for about four years now, but the most I’ve managed is a brief, free introduction). English is the third-most common “first language”, but then, Windows is the most common “first operating system”, and I don’t think that Bryn would have walked out if I’d have said that the operating system he uses was “old and dead” – to the contrary, this would probably have led to a lively debate about the relative merits of various operating system choice.

It seems that somehow my attack on the Welsh language was seen by Bryn as an attack on him, which it wasn’t. And perhaps more importantly, it doesn’t mean that what I implied is what I mean, only that this could get people thinking and talking about things they might not otherwise think twice about.

On ‘The Video’

Not one to split things into multiple posts if I think of them at the same time, I thought I’d also say a word about the video Bryn mentioned: sorry about that, but again – it’s not you or what you do, it’s just a bit of fun that I think got out of hand amongst the Troma Night troops. Not that that’s going to stop me showing next week’s mini-video (which I don’t think features you, Bryn).

Sorry there, old man. While I stand my ground on the Welsh language icebreaker, and I apologise profusely for letting ‘the video’ get out of hand, I still ought to have thought about your feelings, too. And you shouldn’t have walked out.

Aren’t kittens brilliant? There’s one more for you to look at, here.

SmartData On BBC News Online

From an article on the BBC:

Aberystwyth TechniumSmartData UK aims to create software and database solutions.

Company spokesman Gareth Hopkins said: “The move to Technium Aberystwyth has facilitated an expansion of the company and we believe this opportunity will open up a whole range of possibilities.

“The package offered by the Technium will assist us in creating more jobs and expanding into the international market place.”

ATOM Feed Of Your GMail Inbox?

Checking my GMail account this morning, I noticed an unusual icon in the lower-right corner of the browser window:

Atom feed icon showing in a web browser viewing GMail

It turns out that Google‘s GMail service seems to be testing an ATOM feed – a kind of syndication feed (similar to those used by weblogs and news sites – see Scatmania’s ATOM feed) that can be ‘subscribed’ to from your desktop computer.

Right now, the GMail feed looks pretty bare:

ATOM feed from GMail

Nonetheless, this is an interesting turn of events – didn’t Google recently say that no other automated mail checking tools were to be used except for their own GMail Notifier (sorry, can’t find a news story to link)? But now it looks like they’re working on developing a format by which anybody can ‘subscribe’ to their own inbox (although probably only using a web browser – the non-browser-based XML readers seem to have difficulty with cookies, which are likely to be required.

It’s all interesting.

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Security Engineering

A secure password does not make a system secure. No password – in fact, no authentication system – is entirely bulletproof. The key when designing a password-based access system, and choosing passwords, is to balance an equation. You must make the effort required to crack the password more valuable than the data the password protects. This will force the attacker to attempt another approach – there is no value in them continuing to try to break the password.

When laying barbed wire, we do not attempt to completely block access to the defended area (the enemy will just stay put and bring in tanks), unless we want to bring in enemy tanks (to, for example, ensure that they aren’t elsewhere!). We lay out barbed wire in a pattern that requires infantry to take a longer route in order to get in, in order that we can shoot at them more on their way. When laying barbed wire, there is never any doubt that the enemy will penetrate it, given enough effort.

When I tell people that no password is completely secure, and describe all that is above to them, they sometimes don’t believe me, or see the relevance. So here’s another example I came up with this morning:

When people install burglar alarms in their houses, they think they are doing it to prevent burglars. But this doesn’t work, otherwise the number of burglars would be expected to go down as the ratio of houses with burglar alarms has increased. No; a burglar alarm does not prevent burglars – what a burglar alarm does is makes the effort (in this case, the chance of getting caught) not worth the data protected (your TV, VCR, computer, etc.). So the burglar goes elsewhere – perhaps to steal less valuable stuff, but from somewhere that the effort is substantially lower. Burglar alarms don’t stop burglars – they redirect them.

But if the value of the data you’re protecting increases, then the equation disbalances, and it becomes worth the effort. If you start keeping stacks of gold bars in your living room, our burglar will probably risk getting caught to try to nab them. Or they might spend time getting the experience and equipment needed to disarm your alarm first. Or they might watch your daily patterns; see if you sometimes forget to arm the alarm, or maybe they’ll bribe your ex- to share with them the code.

There’s the basics of security engineering. Now, here’s the bit I missed:

Hackers are a very complicated set of people, of all manner of ages, disciplines, experience levels, and motivations. An important factor with many hackers is that, regardless of the possible value of the data, the effort taken to break into the system is irrelevant as a deterrent! Many hackers see more challenging systems as a ‘challenge’, and try to break into these systems just to prove that they can. Imagine your suprise when you find that your house has been broken into and all the gold bars in your living room have been autographed by some greyhat.

Now go change your passwords.