The Revenge Of Zanatoth

The Revenge Of Zanatoth is a new WikiGame on the RockMonkey wiki. And for those of you who remember me publicising TromaNightAdventure, my first adventure-based WikiGame… well: The Revenge Of Zanatoth kicks it’s arse. It’s a wonderful little (heh) WikiGame that sends you on a quest to save Peter Hain from Zanatoth. During your travels, you’ll imitate oral sex in a gay bar, try to knit with goat’s wool, swap random items for all kinds of crap (hmm… very “Union Roof Scene” from TromaNightAdventure, there…) with Paul, buy beer from pet shop owners, eat fig rolls… the list goes on.

It’s an epic quest from the fevered imagination of Andy R. Go play it (you’ll need a [free] RockMonkey account – register here).

Strokey Adam

As Andy reported, we spent the evening with Adam (from Daventry… the planet Daventry…) last night. What Andy didn’t mention were the photos

For the benefit of everybody-but-Strokey (who won’t be able to see them until he gets back), here they are (click for larger versions):

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Paul – Prepare To Drool

Back in 1979, Atari came up with a design for a next-generation console called the “Cosmos” (you’ll find it on this list of handheld games consoles. This remarkable device, planned for release in the early 80’s, would have used holographic games in order to give an illusion of 3D, all in a hand-held unit.

In any case; only five prototypes were ever built (and only two of those ever had their electronics put in)… but one of “the three” has come up for sale on eBay on Buy It Now. I kid you not. Price is just short of £10,000. Don’t you just want one?

80’s Estonian TV Commercial

  1. Have a spare pair of underpants ready. Do not be eating anything.
  2. Be sure that you are not under the influence of any hallucinogens. Put that pint down, too.
  3. Take a deep breath. Remind yourself that you are in a safe place, and you can turn off your computer at any time.
  4. Watch this 80’s Estonian TV ad (about 5.3MB). I think it’s supposed to be shot from the perspective of a chicken on a bad LSD trip.

There Goes Your Data Now…

Database copy progress dialog with an animation of an arrow getting mangled by some cogs.

Is it just me, or does this dialog box, which appears when using a particular part of Microsoft SQL Server 2000, present a very bad metaphor? One that says, “this arrow represents your data, and here it is being minced by some cogs”. Or maybe it’s just me that thinks that, and winces a little every time another animated grey arrow goes through the mangle.

Just a thought.

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Firefox Finally Appeals

As you may all know, I’m a die-hard supporter of the Opera web browser, despite many of my friends now claiming that Firefox is superior. I’ve been following the Mozilla project for a long while (haven’t we all), and on the many occasions I’ve tried Firefox (and it’s grandparents) I’ve always been unimpressed. It’s always been the little things that Opera did that kept me coming back to it, time and time again.

With the full release of Firefox 1.0 (download Firefox here), there’s been an explosion in the number of Firefox extensions that have become available, so I decided to try to find a combination of extensions that would at long last give Firefox the capabilities that always kept me coming back to Opera. The theory is – if I can find enough extensions to give me the functionality I need in a web browser (which Opera very-nearly perfectly provides) in Firefox, it’ll make a convert out of me. Here goes –

    • Mouse Gestures 1.0 – One of the great things about Opera is that it really pioneered mouse gestures (waving your cursor in strange patterns in order to facilitate shortcuts), and led the way for years thereafter. Mouse gestures are infectious – once you’ve used them and you get the hang of “doing things faster” (particularly mouse-intensive activities like web browsing), you end up trying to do it elsewhere – I’ve frequently used friends computers (with Internet Exploder, or similar) and tried to do a gesture before remembering that I can’t.The Mouse Gestures extension for Firefox is fully-featured and highly-configurable. I found the original settings a little unresponsive, and had to increase the “diagonal tolerance” (slippage permitted in a non-cardinal direction) to bring it back in line with the speed at which I execute gestures, and of course I’ve customised some of my own gestures. Apart from that, it’s wonderful.

Firefox Downloads Window In Sidebar

    • Download Manager Tweak 0.6.3 – One thing I loved about my customised Opera configuration was that pretty much everything not directly related to browsing – my RSS-feed subscriptions (that let me keep an eye on all my friends’ weblogs in realtime), my downloads, etc. – were set up to all appear in the wonderful “sidebar”: a non-invasive way of keeping information “to hand”. Firefox’s download windows are chunky and ugly, only a little better than the hideous ones provided by Internet Exploder. This plugin allows you to move the download window to the sidebar – a far more sensible place for it – and manage all your transfers from there.
    • Web Developer 0.8 and Nuke Anything 0.2 – As a web developer, I love the web developer tools in Opera. The ability to switch stylesheets, emulate other browsers, change and test content on the fly, and manipulate cookies is invaluable when debugging large, complex web projects. Combining these two excellent extensions gives me all of this, and more. The Web Developer tools can do things like manipulate form data on the fly, edit offline HTML and CSS on-the-fly, simulate different screen resolutions, and validate source code – it’s fantastic. Nuke Anything allows content to be ‘removed’ from the page: a great way of digging through complicated source code to find how a particular trick is being achieved.

Sage Extension For Firefox

  • Sage 1.3 – Now here’s a stunning piece of software. Thanks to Jon for suggesting this one.A great feature of Opera is it’s use as an RSS reader. RSS is a wonderful way to “subscribe” to news sources, weblogs, and the like, and be notified when they’re updated or even have the new content delivered directly to your desktop. It’s so good, that I rarely use Abnib or my friends page any more. Opera makes it easy to set up and manage your subscriptions, and delivers them in the way that suits you best.Now Firefox does natively support syndication, but it doesn’t do a very good job of it. It’s system – “Active Bookmarks”, relies on use of it’s bookmarks list, lots of scrolling, etc. Plus – and here’s the big problem – it doesn’t pass your browser cookies when picking up the feeds – this means that you can’t have it, for example, pick up restricted “friends only” feeds from your friends’ weblogs. Without this feature, there was no way I’d be leaving Opera behind.But Sage pulls it off. It pulls in the feeds and presents them in a brilliant way. It’s default options are a little weird, and it doesn’t support automatic “timed” feed collection, but it still does a great job of this newsfeed lark. I think everybody with Firefox should install Sage.
  • Session Saver – Simply put, this allows Firefox to remember what tabs you had open when it was last closed (even if it crashed or there was a power cut), and re-open them when you run it again, in a very Opera-esque way.
  • MiniT 0.4 – A pet annoyance, but one that would have really annoyed me, is the inability to re-order the tabs while using Firefox’s tabbed browsing. I mean: why wasn’t this included with the program? Most other programs that use the dynamic “document” tab metaphor allow the user to click-drag-reorder them, including my beloved Opera. But no, you need a plug-in like MiniT to do this. It’s good: not as “fluid” as Opera, but quite satisfactory.
  • TabBrowser Preferences 1.1.1 – It didn’t take long of playing with Firefox, particularly on the EasyNews web site, to find another thing which, to me, is a big problem. When people (very rudely) make hyperlinks that request to be opened in “a new window”, Firefox does exactly that: opens them in a new window, rather than in a new tab in the current window (fitting with the tabbed browsing metaphor). I tried a couple of plug-ins to prevent this from happening, but none of them worked consistently (for example, catching JavaScript pop-up windows and tabbing them, for example), as Opera does, until I found this lovely little extension. TabBrowser Preferences has all kind of options I don’t use, but for this one, which I do, it’s wonderful.
  • LastTab 1.1 – By this point, I had very few quirks left unsatisfied on my “web browser wish list”. One was that, in Opera, pressing CTRL-TAB takes you first to your most-recently used other tab, and then (if you keep pressing tab) through the others you have open. This makes sense to me, because you can then use CTRL-TAB as a two-tab “flicker” (like the “last channel” button on a TV remote): perfect for use as a “boss key” (if you don’t know, you don’t need to know). Satisfied.

This only leave one “big” niggle that still pisses me off – I can’t find a plug-in that will allow me to hold down a particular key (e.g. shift) and click on a tab, to close it (really useful for closing multiple tabs at once, after running and completing a multi-tab information seek). If anybody can suggest an extension that does this, let me know!

So; I guess I’m a Firefox convert. I knew it would happen someday, but I’m just surprised it happened so soon.

The Subtle Art Of Beer Snobbery

Thanks to Jon for showing me The Subtle Art Of Beer Snobbery. Can’t help but feel that our favourite TastyLager guzzler is trying to make a point, hmm?

Went out few a few last night with Andy R, Claire, and Bryn to welcome Strokey Adam and Emma into town (they’re visiting this week – but not staying for Troma Night <shocker>). It was great to be able tp tag-team with Andy in an effort to make Adam laugh so hard that he wet himself. We didn’t quite manage, but we came pretty close.

Poor Strokey. He’s no less terrified of me than he ever was.

I Don’t Think This Will Work

I received this e-mail from a co-worker this morning. I don’t think it will work, so I’d like to do a test – Jon is particularly good at locking his keys in his car (he managed to do so on Saturday, while driving it, which is quite impressive), so perhaps he’d try this out for me:

> Apparently this works. Good to remember
>
> This only works if your car has remote controlled locks. Also
> you need a CELL PHONE handy at your car.
> Ever lock your keys in the car? If you lock your keys in the
> car and the spare keys (remote) are home, call someone at home on
> your
> cell phone.
> Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have
> the other person at your home press the unlock button on the remote,
> holding it near the phone on their end.
> Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your
> keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles
> away,
> you can reach someone who has the other “remote” for your car,
> you can unlock the doors (or the trunk!)
>
> Editor’s Note: * It works fine! We tried it out and it
> unlocked our car over a cell phone!)

I think this is a hoax – as I understand it, these remote central locking devices send a radio signal, not an audio signal (capable of being carried over a telephone). And before anybody suggests ultrasonic, remember that telephones – and particularly mobile telephones – have a low dynamic range, designed to cater for the human voice (ever noticed how shit music sounds over a mobile phone): this is the same reason that conventional modems can’t be used on a mobile. But now I’m curious, so somebody try it and tell me what happens.

Bryn’s Challenge – Looking Back

Well; today, Bryn’s Challenge came to an end – so those of us who were participating (and didn’t give up along the way) can go back to our regular amount of fast food once more. I, for one, will be enjoying a Tex Mex burger at Burger King this evening (you’re all welcome to join me) before the Pagan Wanderer Lu gig at The Bay.

I’d like to say that Bryn had given us some kind of life-changing challenge, but he hasn’t. I saved a little money, I partially (I hope) eased Claire off her Burger King addiction, and it was fun: it actually gave me an excuse to be bothered to try things out and come up with a few new recipes where I might not otherwise have.

It looks like it’s going to be a busy weekend for me. I’m helping out with training some students to do volunteer work, Troma Night promises all kinds of fun with the themed “Is this post-modern genius, or just really, really stupid?” night, Geek Night as usual (perhaps we’ll actually play a board game this week!)… plus I’ve got a heap of code I’d like to write for about a dozen little ongoing projects. Busy, busy, busy.

On the up-side, it turns out that I have enough overtime banked that I could actually take a week off as flexi-leave. That’s crazy! Now all I need is there to be little enough that needs doing that I can actually take the time off without feeling guilty!

By the way; I texted AQA (who’ve re-vamped their web site, I see) the other day:

Me: Other than “Day Of The Triffids“, what film has walking plants in it? (Audrey II from “Little Shop Of Horrors” doesn’t walk, it hops)

Several hours later.

Them: AQA: Sorry for the delay. The AQA service is dealing with your question and you should receive an answer shortly.

Later still.

Them: AQA: AQA could not find any other films with walking plants in. Steve Sekely, director of Triffids, also directed Lady in the Death House and Amazon Quest.

If they were going to go for a cop-out answer, they should have gone for Poison Ivy (played by Uma Thurman) in Batman and Robin. Ah well.

Card Protector

Feel free to put this ad banner on your own web site or weblog. And make sure you take advantage of this great service, yourself, too. (by the way, you can’t see this post on Abnib, you’ll have to click here to see it).

The content of this post depended upon Flash, a now-obsolete technology. The joke was that it was a “banner ad” style form advertising a service that checked if your credit card details had been stolen online; all you have to do is enter your card details into this strange suspicious form and it’ll tell you whether your card details have been stolen!

So I’m Sat At Work…

…minding my own business, and some random guy walks in through the office door, looking lost. Nobody seems to get up to see to him, so I – in my new desk, which is quite close to the door – go over to greet him. “Is there;” he begins, sounding a little unsure of himself, “Is there a ‘Scatman’ here?”

Oh; fucking hell, I think. For some reason, I’m reminded of the last time somebody wandered up and confirmed my identity by addressing me by my “blog name”, and it turned out to be a scary stalker type. I try to think back about what libellous thing I might have said this week.

“Hi; I’m from Unigryw (another company in the Technium),” he begins, “I was looking at your web site -“

Scatmania.org,” I reply, pronouncing the hyperlink with surprising clarity.

“Yes,” he continues, “I was hoping I could use your review of Nice ‘N’ Naughty on LocalTVi.”

So, I let him. Pretty much all the original content on my weblog is covered by a creative commons license anyway, but I just told him he could do whatever he liked with it. And if only LocalTVi had an RSS feed, I’d keep an eye out for my review appearing on it, too. I thought everything had an RSS feed, these days. Ah well.

Thai-Style Turkey & Rice

I’ve always been drawn to trying to prepare a fried-rice dish, but I’ve always been put off by the risk of burning it (I’d have imagined that it would be difficult to prevent rice from over-cooking and sticking to the pan, which would make for far-from delightful cleaning, later). But having watched Ken Hom preparing some egg-fried rice on a TV show earlier this week (he made it look so easy), I thought I’d have a go at concocting a Thai-style fried rice dish.

It was absolutely wonderful, by the way – if you only ever follow one of the recipes I’ve put on my blog, make it this one.

Thai-Style Turkey & Rice
Serves 2/3
Ingredients
3 portions boiled rice (can be ‘leftovers’, or whatever – sorry I can’t give you a real measurement; I always measure rice by guesswork)
300g turkey breast, cut into bite-size chunks (or any other white meat)
~10 medium-sized closed-cup mushrooms, quartered
3 eggs, beaten
1 onion, diced
1 red pepper (I used a ramiro pepper, ‘cos they taste great), diced
1 medium-sized red chilli pepper, thinly sliced and de-seeded
2 tablespoons nam pla (or substitute: soy sauce will do)
Hot red chilli powder
Dried ginger
Dried garlic (would have loved to have used fresh garlic and ginger, but couldn’t be bothered)
Dried lemongrass and kaffir (lime leaves) or generic Thai 7-Spice (or similar pre-mixed spice)

Method
Liberally oil a wok or frying pan and fry the turkey pieces, mushroom, and onion (and garlic and ginger, if using fresh rather than dried) and fry until the turkey is cooked (white all over). Add the pepper and chilli pepper and stir rapidly, while adding dried ingredients (chilli powder, ginger, garlic, lemongrass, kaffir) and nam pla to taste. Don’t be afraid to add more oil if you need to (as the rice will gobble it up when you add it, in a moment).

Reduce the heat and add the rice to the pan, covering all of the other ingredients. Push down firmly upon the rice with the back of a wooden spoon, to force it in among the meat and vegetables. After a few minutes, when the rice has begun to re-heat, pour the eggs over the entire mixture and increase the temperature. As the egg begins to cook (looks like scrambled egg), break it apart with the spoon and stir into the rest of the mixture, mixing all of the ingredients together.

Heat through, and serve.

Flipping marvellous.

Future History Of Comedy

Went to the Future History Of Comedy last night. I’m not going to write about it here, because this is what I would have said.

That post by Andy subsequently got made friends-only, so I’ve republished it here to save you dragging it off archive.org:

Went to a student-run comedy night last night on the promise of seeing Matt in the Hat do some open mic. It was surprisingly good, given that it had the potential to be utterly awful. Only one of the acts was genuinely excrutiating, a girl called Narin who didn’t actually appear to have written anything at all. She basically apologised for her last stand up routine ‘being all about sex’ then went on about how she never got sex because she moaned too much. then went on some obscure tangent about a picture of Clint Eastwood in a Semiotics lecturer and how her lecturer was gay (i think i’ve had that lecture). Anyway she elicited nary a titter.

The other acts were surprisingly good. The compere Barry Pigeon had a confident, if studied, delivery, lots of shouting and swearing and recurring jokes which worked well. The lead balloon/genuinely funny ratio was about 50/50 which is pretty good, and he didn’t let the clanging silence after the shit jokes put him off.

Then there was some guy who’s name i’ve forgotten but who had a pony tail, who wisely tailored his routine to the crowd. “We’re all Students right? That means we like to get DRUNK” kind of thing but managing to be genuinely funny a good portion of the time. A drama student, his obvious confidence helped him through a lot of joke-free waffle between gags. His routine about the Ship and Castle was laboured and lampooning students for talking about thundercats is nothing new, it went down a storm but then i guess the freshers in the audience probably hadn’t heard that kind of thing before.

Next was someone (i think) called Anton, who got talked over a lot so a lot of what he said was lost on me. He talked about cats and cheese and seemed to go down well. He had a very intimidating dark manner, standing very still but he allowed his pose to go a few times by chuckling along with the audience.

Then came an open mic section which Matt apparently decided not to bother with. It began with a guy called Liam who was probably the best of the night. though i can’t really remember much of what he said. routines about circumcision and not being able to dance. He was the most consistently funny but still suffered from nerves when a joke didn’t go down well, and had a touch of waffle about it.

The final act was Goatboy, which was a dramatic two-man sketch show featuring pony-tail guy, and another man who i took an instant dislike to because he was wearing a t-shirt which said ‘Your mum!’. They were good, very much in a League of Gentlemen vein. One sketch in which a man tries to contact his dead mother via a medium and apparently ends up talking to Mr T. Finishing off with a skit in which two monks allude darkly to ‘the curse we do not speak of’ (it turns out to be being gay with each other).

As a night designed to give wannabe student comedians a chance to perform amongst a crowd it was excellent. There were long spells with crap jokes and no jokes but when they hit the mark they were all genuinely good, and surely the point of the exercise is to let them see how different jokes and routines go down. Whether it merits a fortnightly slot remains to be seen. A non-professional comedy night with inexperienced performers relies heavily on the goodwill of the audience, which might not last. Some people last night clearly lost interest and talked through pretty much the whole night (fuck off downstairs if yr not gonna listen) and the danger of this happening will increase as the novelty wears off. The promise of different performers at each night is good but some consistency is likely to bring back casual punters (such as myself) and will give them a chance to build on what they’ve done.

Overall good. I’ve always wished i could do stand up, I’m pretty sure of my ability to make a room full of people laugh as part of a conversation but the moment i start trying to think of what i would say onstage with a mic in my hand i draw a blank. maybe i’ll try and chuck something together for the next one.

Nice ‘N’ Naughty

Claire, Matt, Paul, Sian and I visited Nice ‘N’ Naughty, Aberystwyth’s second sex shop, as it opened at 9am this morning. Other folks who’d promised to come along, such as Jon and Hayley, Andy, and Ruth and JTA, were nowhere to be seen. What follows is, essentially, my “review” of the establishment:

The shopfront itself is moderately discreet, with several mannequins (sporting revealing underwear which – were they not dummies – wouldn’t leave much to the imagination) occupying the window, and a second, inner door carrying the obligatory “18+” warning sign.

Once inside, it’s apparent that a lot of thought has gone into making this shop – like those in it’s chain, apparently – more accessible to those who would not consider themselves “enthusiasts”. The shop is cleanly laid-out and very well-lit, with two different counters: one occupied by a sales assistant of each gender. The nearest counter, which houses the checkout, has several small bottles of “room odourisers” (let’s face it – nitrate inhalants – the only ‘drug’ items sold in the shop), condoms, climax and stay-hard creams, and aphrodisiacs. Before the checkout, on both sides, is a large array of clothing – mostly latex, plain-chain, rubber, and speciality costumes (e.g. nurse). Opposite the checkout are various restraints, spanking paddles, and the like, and beyond them to the right are lingerie items. Some of these were quite amusing and charming, such as the lacy women’s underwear with two tiny bronzed bells hanging from cotton at the front, with the words “tinkle my bell” embroidered above.

Opposite the lingerie begins the range of sex toys. The range is significantly better than that provided by Little Amsterdam: even comparable to that of many websites. The novelty gifts – “romance kits”, phallic and vaginal-shaped soap-on-a-rope – are nearest the checkout, and away from this point stretches an array of dongs, vibrators, pumps, pussies, suckers, ticklers, double-ended-dildos, clamps, crimps, squeezers, beads, strap-ons, eggs, pillows, balls, stimulators, sleeves, plugs, rings, nubbies, straps, and dolls. The prices are comparable to most sex shops, and just a little more than you’d typically find online.

In the centre of the shop there’s a rotatable tamber with a selection of lubricants. Some, such as ID Glide and ID Pleasure (which is highly recommendable) we’re familiar with, but we were tempted into buying a bottle of ID Millenium – the big brother to ‘glide’, which is a non-sticky, silicon-based, premium lubricant that carries a warning, “surfaces, such as bathtubs and tiles, may remain dangerously slippery for days”. Heh.

The staff were open and friendly, and carried a real “can I help you, sir”, attitude, casually chatting with customers who were comfortable with such an approach, recommending products, and always on hand for any questions; but they also kept a sensible distance – not pressing themselves on customers who didn’t seem so eager to talk to them. I spent some time talking to the staff about the store, it’s approach, and it’s plans for penetrating <ahem> the already sex-shop-hostile marketplace here in Aberystwyth.

A little further back, through a passageway at the back of the store, they keep their magazines and DVDs. They’ve currently got a small selection of soft-core porn, but they’re forming their application for a license to sell hard-core porn, too (which, of course, requires special dispensation in the UK. To this end, they’re forming a petition to the council, to illustrate that there is demand in Aberystwyth for hard-core porn (on which, following our visit, there are several signatures).

In the end, Claire and I bought the interesting lubricant and a couple of toys, including the bizarre-looking “Vibrating Rock Chick“. Some of the other folks in our group got things, too, and some didn’t.

So; it’s a nice shop: go visit it, talk to the nice people, but remember, you might get a better price online (if less-good customer service). The “free gift” for the first hundred customers turns out to be a gift voucher of a randomly-selected value, but they haven’t been printed yet, so we’ve been invited to go back and claim them at a future date. Which I’m sure I’ll be doing.