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10 rules for arguing in an effective, pleasant, and productive way. Thoughts of Dan. Disagreement and comments welcome.

1. Stating your opinions without backing them up is a very effective way of communicating your feelings, but is not very productive in advancing a debate. Explain why you think what you think.

2. Don’t assume that the other person understands the fundamentals you’re building on. Don’t assume the other person understands what you’re saying. Make sure the other person feels comfortable asking you questions: don’t shout at them for not knowing elementary things, and likewise, don’t put up with them complaining about your lack of knowledge – how can they sell an idea to you that you don’t understand. Assumption is bad.

3. If you disagree with a premise, challenge it before further constructs are built upon it. If your premises are challenged, be ready to explain them rationally, and be ready to be wrong. That’s okay.

4. There is no harm in being wrong. Apologise for your mistake, and do not berate others for their mistakes either. Sweep anybody’s mistakes under the carpet and forget about them: move on to the next point.

5. Louder is not equivilent to more correct. Sometimes the best ideas come from the quietest people. Sometimes they don’t. Either way, you can’t hear them if you’re shouting.

6. Personal quips are best left aside. All stereotypes run the risk of causing problems, whether these are about the intelligence or knowledge of the debators, their right to know or make decisions upon information, or the relevance or importants of topics being covered. Again, be ready to be challenged on anything, and treat such challenges with respect.

7. In the event of a conflict of understanding, be ready to accept the blame upon yourself. A misunderstanding always takes two people, but tempers can be kept low and order maintained if you swallow your pride and, instead of saying “You must have misunderstood me,” say, “Sorry, I mustn’t have made that very clear.” Showing off and dominance are not productive.

8. If you need more time to formulate your argument, explain yourself, do further research, or just to stop for the time being and take a break, that’s fine. If others ask the same of you, allow them as long as they need. A break helps everybody’s mind work, and while time can be precious, so is the ability to compose oneself.

9. The last word is not the best. Don’t fight to get the last word in, mutter something under your breath, or otherwise make yourself feel better by putting others down – it’s rude, selfish, and counter-productive. If you’re wrong, you’re wrong: move on to the next point. If you need more time, that’s fine, and you’ll be able to forgive the others’ for their rudeness by knowing that you are nice enough not to be so rude to them. Backstabbing is the fastest way to upsetting the balance of calm in a debate.

10. By respecting these rules, being polite, explaining yourself well, and being tolerant of others’ needs, you’ll be able to express yourself effectively and without degenerating into yelling and personal digs. But don’t expect others to do the same: not everybody finds it easy to keep a cool head in a hot debate. You’ll need to make up for them by remaining rational, re-iterating their points in your own words to ensure that everybody (even you) has understood them, and dealing with them fairly and pleasantly.

Be told.

Andy is putting together the logistics for the Pagan Wanderer Lu gig in Manchester this weekend, so here are the instructions for Team Aber. Please contact me if anything here seems wrong or needs clarifying!

Team Aber’s PWL Plan

Team Aber currently consists of:

• “Wheels” Claire
• “Steals” Dan
• Paul “The Hat”
• Matt “The Hat Copycat”
• And special guest member Sundeep (TBC)

The team will gather at The Flat at by 10am on Saturday for the drive Up North. We may or may not be going via Crewe to pick up Sundeep, depending on whether or not she’s coming, before we move on. We’ll either be going directly to Manchester (if we’re picking up Sundeep) or to Preston first (unlikely, unless we make really good time). Claire will be spending a little while rehearsing and other poncy musician stuff with Andy, so the rest of us will find some nice pub and have a sly pint while they do that. We’ll later be joined by Team Preston (my mum and her boyfriend) before we go to the gig.

After the gig, Claire (who won’t have been drinking, nudge nudge) will drive the 4.5 (avr.) of us back to Preston, where we’ll either be camping in my dad’s converted attic (preferable: reasonable amount of space and two spare beds – but I haven’t yet got in touch with him to confirm this as he’s been in Africa) or my mum’s house (less preferable: less space, filled with animals). If you’re in Team Aber and are allergic to dogs, cats, or chickens, let me know now in case we end up at my mum’s house! Bring a sleeping bag if you have one: we’re likely to be able to get a pile of bedding and whatnot but there’s still the distinct possibility that at least two people will be sleeping on the floor.

We’ll be travelling back South on Sunday (via Crewe, if Sundeep’s with us, otherwise via Chester Tesco – in accordance with the prophecy). If anybody in Team Aber has any appointments or comittments on Sunday, let me know, so we can ensure we’re back in time for you to make them.

How’s that?

This weekend’s Troma Night was brilliant: it was themed The Good, The Bad, And The Troma and we watched the original The Great Train Robber, from 1903, with Claire providing piano accompaniment, The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly (of course), the “Gunmen Of The Apocolypse” episode of Red Dwarf, and Kung-Fu Hustle, which was side-splittingly funny.

Geek Night, the day before, was good too – we got to play Lord Of The Rings, which is a rarity for us these days, and we lost, again. It’s a horribly difficult board game, but through the efforts of us all – and most us dying so that Claire might live – we made it to the foot of Mount Doom before we got royally buggered by the cruel rules.

And on Sunday, we went to the Arts Centre to see Mr & Mrs Smith, which was a surprisingly good action comedy with some suitably silly scenes, after which we christened Claire’s new barbeque on North Beach. Burgerlicious.

And now it’s back to the grindstone back at SmartData. Bored already. Who wants to cut work early and go to the beach?

Last night Jon came onto the RockMonkey chat room at just before 5am, having just come back from a rave and full of “love and party drugs”, as I’m sure he’d say. Because he asked so nicely at the time (down near the bottom), here’s a transcript:

(I’ve emboldened some of the bits that are “lovey”, rather than just “chatty”, but the transcript is otherwise ‘complete’)

<JonA> So, I’ the only one to get in at 5 am from a rave?
<JonA> Really, I feel so much love for everyone.
<JonA> Especially Bryn and Gareth. They’re the best.
<JonA> PEASE LOVE UNTIY.
<JonA> I suppose I shouldn’t be getting totally fucking wrecked on the party drugs before I start work on Monday, but I just love everyone so much.
<JonA> Let me hit the A-Z or people I love.
<JonA> Wait, 1 sec, while I put on some music…
<JonA> Okay, sorted.
<JonA> Right, I’ll try to do the A-Z.
<JonA> Right…
<JonA> C.
<JonA> Claire.
<JonA> Wait.
<JonA> That’s not right.
<JonA> B.
<JonA> Bryn
<JonA> Brynley, you’re a total ginger hero. I mean, really. You don’t meet many ginger people who are as cool as you. You’re chilled and caring and I can tell your friends mean a lotto you. Keep that up. It’s the best you can be. Really. People appreciate you because you keepyour friends close. Seriously. Hero. Integrity. Love. Unity. You knows it.
<JonA> Now, C.
<JonA> Claire.
<JonA> You’re by far the most intelligent person I know.
<JonA> I mean, really.
<JonA> You just fucking ju-jutisu any argument which is wrong. And that’s good.
<JonA> Because you’re keeping people thinking, which is the greatest gift of all.
<JonA> That and you don’t compromise your beliefs.
<JonA> You really make everyone think about their opinions. You challenge us all. You can’t give more than that.
<JonA> Oh, and it’s also generally considered you have a great rack :-)
<JonA> D.
<JonA> Dan.
<JonA> You, too, afre a superhero. You care. And I mean, CARE. You’ve made such a difference to everyone, just be making everyone reappraise their own value systems, tomatch with yours.
<JonA> sp/be/by
<JonA> You add so much energy to everyone, you’re a spiritual dynamo.
<JonA> Right, next, G.
<JonA> Gareth.
<JonA> You’re so old.
<JonA> But totally not in a bad way.
<JonA> You give us all perspecitive, and thA’s something we all appreciate. I particularly appreciate the way you’ve stretched me and made be think beyond the boundaries of mysmall field. You’re at once political, technical and spiritual, and everyone needs your love. Notleast me. Tschus.
<JonA> J.
<JonA> JTS.
<JonA> Whoops. JTA.
<JonA> My god, you’re the epitome of the victorian gentleman. And everyone needs someone like you to get back to roots every now and again.
<JonA> You add some laid-back opinion to the discussion at all corners. And the thing is, you really THINK about what you say, which gives us all a sense of well-being. We all love you,we really do.
<JonA> Paul.
<JonA> Well, fuck.
<JonA> You really do mean more to me than anyone I’ve met in Aberystwyth.
<JonA> You’ve shown me that being what people want you to be means nothing.
<JonA> And that individualtiy really does make people love you. I know more people in Aber who really need you and consider you a friend than I can comfortably count. You’re turlyone of those once-in-a-lifetime people who I will rememeber for ever. You’re a man of suchintegrity, honsety and good humour, I worry that no-one I ever meet again will match up toyou. Don’t ever change. Really. Not ever.
<JonA> *truly.
<JonA> Well, the sun is coming up now.
<JonA> I haven’t been to bed in about three days.
<JonA> I love you all so so much, keep on with the PLUR.
<JonA> Someone (Dan) needs to weblog this in the morning, so everyone can see it. I love you all. Good night, it’s been my genuine pleasure.
<JonA> Oh, shit, I just realised I missed out Ruth, so I’ll add to you tomorrow. Because you’re totally an incredible person too. Really.
<JonA> *sigh*
<JonA> Oh shit, I just nailed another huge line.
<JonA> I’ll probably be here now until 10am.
<JonA> I’m listening to the *huge* new Pendulum album. It’s taking my soul so much higher.
<JonA> Everyone needs a copy.
<JonA> http://www.mininova.org/tor/72519 Get it while it’s hot!.
<JonA> Hmm, who should I phone?
<JonA> Maybe someone in the USA…
<JonA> right.
<JonA> Jason.
<JonA> *Dials*

So that, as they say, is that. Thanks, Jon.