We’re On The Move

Always a fan of double meanings.

This weekend, Claire, JTA, Binky and I are going over to the Real Ale Ramble in Llanwrtyd Wells. It’ll be fun. I just have to find some warm clothes and wash them, first.

But we’re also “on the move” in that Claire and I are going to have to move out of The Flat in January. Suppose we’d better increase our househunting efforts, then.

Any suggestions for a “Final Troma Night @ The Flat” themed party would be much appreciated. Get your thinking caps on.

And on that note, I’ll upload this weekend’s Dan & Alex comics and get “on the move”…

God’s Debris

Scott Adams (of Dilbert fame) has released as a free e-book God’s Debris, a short fray into religion and philosophy. I’ve read several of Scott Adam’s books before. Most of these have been comic books – compilations of Dilbert strips. Others have been his interesting, satirical books on office life and tongue-in-cheek guides to survival in cube farms. God’s Debris is somewhat different. It is a work of fiction which centres on the conversation between two individuals with, at least to begin with, radically different views on the nature of God and the universe. The elder of the two, the self-defined “Avatar”, talks little of his beliefs, instead choosing to speak widely and knowledgeably of facts he is privy to: facts based on assumed premises such as free will and, in a roundabout way, creationism. The younger – the protagonist and a blatant representation of “the majority” – is a non-commital monotheist who has neglected to put more than a modicum of thought into his beliefs. Like most of the monotheists I know, I guess. And, sadly, many of the atheists. The two talk about the nature of the universe through a series of short, well-written chapters, loaded with comprehensive analogies but with a significant amount of “thinker material” if the reader cares to delve deeper. The book is designed as a thought experiment, and has moderate success. Spoiler Warning – what follows is a discussion about some of the significant points of the book – if you’re going to read it (it doesn’t take long: I read the whole thing in just over an hour) then go read it and come back here later. Or to jump to the conclusion of my micro-review, scroll down until you reach the “end of spoilers” section. I’ve had a closer look at the chapters of the book:

  • Introduction (Introduction, The Package, The Old Man) – the story is set-up well, quite obviously as a work of fiction. Several mentions are made to thought processes of the individual and behaviour in accordance with society’s rules, which will be referenced later. The writing style of the introductory chapters, like the rest of the book, is charming and welcoming, and approachable on many different levels. The deliveryman and the Avatar – the two characters in the story – are introduced, and the latter is done so with an air of mystery which I feel is possibly unbefitting of the status (“level 5”) he later declares. Probability, which forms a major part of the story and of the Avatar’s beliefs, is introduced through a coin-flip metaphor, but, again, the level of mystery and suspense induced is perhaps too much for a small, easy-reading volume such as this one.
  • Free Will and Determinism in Omnipotence (Your Free Will, God’s Free Will, Science, Where Is Free Will Located?) – The concept of free will is introduced; that is, that a thinking organism can have control over it’s own activities, and the discussion turns to that of determinism: if there is a single entity in the universe which truly knows everything, including the future, then there is no free will for any entity, but there can be an illusion of free will. As a determinist, I have no problem with this statement, which is presented as being bold and world-changing, however Adams seems to try to present it as something shocking; perhaps to cater to readers who may not have entirely followed the free will vs. determinism thought train through. However, the characters then go on to dismiss the idea of universal determinism, without further discussion, which left me feeling somewhat cheated. Thankfully I carried on reading regardless, drawn on by the excellent writing style, because (as you’ll see below) I found the book very enjoyable despite the fact that the author seems almost to expect that the reader will agree with him on basic premises like the existence of free will. These chapters go on to discuss God, the soul, etc. in a way that, for a moment, made me fear that the novel was going to continue to use these “woolly” terms to avoid having to talk about any real philosophical, moral, or religious issues at all! However, I was proven to be, again thankfully, mistaken…
  • Facets of Belief, and Religious Incompatibility (Genuine Belief, Road Maps, Delusion Generator) – The Avatar and the deliveryman go on to discuss the value of religion and where it comes from (again, of course, in the belief set of the Avatar), in what turns out to be a well thought-out couple of chapters. Analogies are drawn which let the reader begin to think about religious teachings and their place in our world, which are referenced wonderfully by the later chapter Curious Bees. Several well-written chapters. The nature of abstraction and the need for mental models through which to understand the world is touched upon, although not in a terribly detailed manner.
  • Understanding God, and The Avatar’s Beliefs (Reincarnation, UFOs, and God, God’s Motivation, God’s Debris, God’s Consciousness, Physics of God Dust) – At long last, the Avatar goes in to detail about the nature of the universe as he understands it: that there is/was (the temporal difference is subtle) an omnipotent God, and the only possible thing that an all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful God could be motivated to do is to bring about It’s own destruction (Adams repeatedly uses “He” when referring to God, which irks me slightly, but not enough to count against his book). The Avatar’s reasoning is this: that for such an entity, any other course of action or inaction is entirely pointless, as there is no motivation to do so. There is no motivation to do so because all possible other states can be conceived already, and, through their conception, they exist (that they exist as “thoughts” is irrelevant, because the perception of the universe as we experience it can not be demonstrated to be more than a thought belonging to some deity with a wandering mind). As a result, the Avatar reasons, the only experience different to universal omnipotence for a universally omnipotent entity is to cause Itself to become something that is not omnipotent: the Avatar believes that this is what the universe is – the remains of a God that destroyed itself.This line of reasoning doesn’t sit well with me. Wouldn’t an entity with ultimate power and knowledge in an (obviously) determinist reality equally be able to appreciate the results of even such an operation? And if not, It has demonstrated Itself to be subject to rules such as “existence”. As I see it, if there is an omnipotent entity, It has a form which resides outside of the rules of existence, which leads us back to the original conundrum that It would not be motivated to do anything at all, and it would be entirely undetectable in any form anyway. I’m far more comfortable believing in one of two God scenarios. The first is, as hinted above, of an omnipotent God of which the universe as we understand it is a fleeting figment of It’s perception. The second is of a non-omnipotent God, of the type that most theists seem to believe in (even if they think they don’t). A non-omnipotent, or, shall we say, flawed, God could have a great deal of motivation to do anything, including “working in mysterious ways”, creating a universe, talking to mortals, etc. As Adams says, it is an imperfect existence that causes motivation to act. And in every religious text I’ve read, the descriptions of God point to a belief in a non-perfect deity. In any case, I’m babbling, and the conflict between my beliefs and that of the Avatar do not make the story any less good. But from this point on, it’s important to realise that the majority of my interest in the book came from the same source as my interest in other people’s beliefs in general: that I’m fascinated by religion and belief systems.
  • Free Will Revisited (Free Will of a Penny) – Now within the context of the Avatar’s viewpoint, we revisit the idea of free will, and apply the idea that the probability in the universe (alongside matter/energy, part of the remnants/being of God) is universal in scope, and that it is as valid to say that humans have free will as it is to say that a penny has free will to determine what side it lands on when it is tossed. The analogy is perhaps un-necessary, but, like some earlier examples, it would illustrate the author’s point in a way that is approachable to anybody.Surprisingly, these ideas are not put forward with the “shock value” that it felt some of the earlier ideas were supposed to: the writing style is changed in order to present the information more fluidly. I, for one, found this more readable, but I’m interested to hear how other readers found it – presumably we’re supposed to face the revelations of the previous chapters as facts for the purposes of understanding these ones. Which is fine.
  • Evolution, Skepticism, And ESP (Evolution, Skeptics’ Disease, ESP and Luck, ESP and Pattern Recognition) – What follows are the best-written chapters in the book. The Avatar and the deliveryman discuss skepticism and how inexplicable phenomena – such as extra-sensory perception (ESP) – fit in to the Avatar’s model of the universe. Some wide and varied explanations tease the reader with ideas that invite further thought and comment. ESP is described as the result of probability on the mind, or perhaps as the acute perception of forces elsewhere. Having already discussed gravity and magnetism, earlier, we are reminded that every thought is characterised by physical transformations in the brain – chemicals, electrical impulses, matter changes – which, of course, exert fields such as gravity into the universe. As a result, like it or not, thoughts do travel through the air, although this isn’t in a form that might be recognisable as a thought.
  • Light (Light) – A quick examination and hurried explanation of the more confusing points of general relativity follows. Those of a physics disposition or even a physics interest may find this a little patronising, but a point is made at the end, by way of excessive analogy. One is left wondering to what degree Adams – or, at least, his fictional Avatar character – understands some of the more interesting properties of light (such as that it is affected by gravity, or that it’s speed is not necessarily constant), and this casts a shadow of doubt across other things he’s stated as fact. Nonetheless, an interesting chapter.
  • Curious Bees (Curious Bees) – Using a great analogy involving bees looking through the different colours of stained glass window of a church, the Avatar talks about the nature of religion. Superficially, the chapter is similar to Road Maps, but goes into greater detail about the Avatar’s belief in the necessity of human models by which to understand the world. It’s also a lovely bit of writing.
  • Willpower (Willpower) – A further examination of free will and relativity, this time from the perspective of humans. Issues of the subjectivity of morality are hinted at, but not at a level that would excite a philosopher. The chapter uses some interesting metaphors, but if you’ve read books on philosophical morality before, you won’t find anything new here.
  • Prelude To The War (Holy Lands and Fighting God) – The Avatar incites a discussion with the deliveryman about the nature of religious artefacts and their irrelevance, and hints at the purpose of an Avatar – to facilitate improved communication between intelligent individual entities in order to get closer to the state of understanding of the God from which all probability originally came. It is implied that the Avatar believes this to be “the great plan” of where the universe is headed, and it makes fascinating reading, despite my inability to facilitate his beliefs. Later, it is implied that there is to be an important war, fuelled by religion, and I’m left wondering why Adams didn’t take the obvious opportunity to make reference to this idea before, during – for example – Curious Bees. Or maybe he did and I just didn’t notice.
  • Relationships (Relationships) – The Avatar dispenses some general advice on living life in a way that improves the value of the lives of others, and, by proxy, yourself. This doesn’t really feel like it belongs in this book, but is good reading nonetheless, particularly if you’ve had any formal training in skills like active listening.
  • Affirmations (Affirmations) – In another ‘aside’, the value of human thought and determination is explored. This ties in more closely with the rest of the story than Relationships did, talking again about ideas of probability and of noticing the results you want to notice (the same kinds of phenomena that cause superstitions to be reinforced). Good reading, but, like Relationships, you’re not sure why.
  • Fifth Level (Fifth Level) – In a slightly pompous way that feels unbefitting of it’s own definition, the Avatar declares himself to have reached the fifth level of consciousness, the level at which God’s nature can begin to be understood. In order to try to alleviate the tension caused by this revelation, the Avatar explains the importance of other levels, with particular reference to the most influential political and religious leaders, who are typically of lower levels (as it is valuable for them to be able to close their minds to particular outside ideas). The whole chapter’s a little woolly around the edges, but prepares the reader well for the final revelations.
  • The Religious War (Going Home, After The War) – It is implied that in the years that follow there is a great religious war of the kind alluded to by the old Avatar. Now the former deliveryman is the new Avatar, and he himself is old, having survived the religious war (who’s build-up is described, over several chapters, in terms that are chilling when explored in reference to the political climate of today’s real world). It’s suggested that the Avatar is responsible for ensuring that the war ends peacefully, as part of a longer-running plan to reunite the many distributed facets of humanity into the “great plan” of a re-assembled God, but other suggestions are hinted at, too.

End of spoilers – if you skipped the bit above, it’s safe to start reading again here. The book is an interesting one, with some well-presented ideas (behind a little bit too much woolly thinking). I’d have no problem with recommending it to anybody with an interest in religion, or to anybody who needs their theism or atheism challenged. However, if you’ve explored an interest in philosophy or religion before, you’re unlikely to find much that is new or that can excite you in this book, except for the story it wraps inside it. The book takes a very direct route to it’s destination without exploring any of the alternative beliefs: for example, I disagreed entirely with one of the earlier premises, but the story as told by the protagonists left no room for dispute, and just pushed onwards towards it’s inevitable conclusion. This made little difference to me: I was reading it because I enjoy trying to understand the beliefs of other people – even fictional ones – but I can see how it could infuriate people who don’t expect their beliefs to be dismissed at the drop of a hat. On the other hand, it’ll only take you a few hours (at a maximum) to read it, and it’s free, so go download God’s Debris and make an afternoon of it. I’ll be delighted to discuss in finer detail the book with anybody who’s read it.

Naruto Night

Yes, Naruto Night is on tonight.

That is all.

Snow!

Okay, so it isn’t actually snowing, so the title of this post was a little bit of a lie. But it has been: walking to work this morning, I passed a number of cars (presumabley having come down from the mountains) with small drifts of snow on their rooves (not just frost, like those in town have). Winter’s picking up pace. The weeks and weeks of rain we’ve had have at long last stopped, giving us a week of clear skies and frosty, crisp days. Wonder if we’ll get snow in Aber this year. I want to have another try at getting Claire sledging.

Went, last night, to the future history of the future of the thing that was historically The Future History Of Comedy, “Gorilla Monsoon”, Aberystwyth’s alternative comedy/open-mic thingy, with Claire, Jimmy, Matt, and others. Matt’s said a lot about it already in his review, so I won’t go over old ground by telling you everything in as much detail as he already has, except where I disagree with him.

Our MC was Bryan Patrick, who I found to be good throughout. His quips at things were spot on and his crowd interactivity was good, and he seemed to do a good job throughout of getting the crowd motivated and making them feel connected with him on a personal level. I’ve seen Danny Furness a couple of times before at Future History, and his performance has always been… variable… but last night he really shone: a particularly spectacular act which repeatedly made me laugh out loud. Anton Pique was next up. I saw this guy once before at Future History, where he did a wonderfully morbid and dark act which was one of those “funny but you don’t laugh at it” things we see so rarely, like Chris Morris’ Jam. Last night, however, he seemed to be struggling – perhaps trying too hard to maintain a dark, subtle humour while simultaneously trying to appeal to a wider audience. Perhaps not. All I know is that he didn’t tickle me quite so well as he did when I first saw him. Nick Page was our headline act, and, as Matt says, he was very good, delivering a stream of well built-up, developed, thought-out gags with a hint of “what-next, graduate?” loss that I can’t help but empathise with. Witty, intelligent humour with which to finish the evening.

Here’s a thought: who’s Wes Packer (he claims to have been performing last night)?

Not Quite Where We Planned To Be

Claire and I are in Preston. Let me explain how this came about.

As I mentioned, we spent Friday night and most of Saturday in Gregynog, a beautiful stately home owned by the University of Wales and used as a conference venue. Every year, the Computer Science department ships almost the entirety of the second year out there to learn how better to get a job, in anticipation of hopefully getting an industry year placement the following year. Claire, as a department staff member, was invited along to help organise a group of students. I was invited along as an representative of the computer industry, there to give mock interviews to students of the kind that they might expect when applying for computer science related jobs for their industry year or for graduate positions.

It was a lot of fun. I met some interesting people and, with their help, got to grill students. Perhaps my favourite part was successfully catching out students who had… how shall we say it… exaggerated a little on their CVs. One fellow, I remember, had, while boasting about his web development proficiency, stated that he was familiar with HTTP. So I asked him what the fundamental differences between a GET and a POST method were. I’d have accepted something about request parameters being visible on the address bar, but no: no such luck. It was also good to be pleasantly surprised, such as by the database-proficient claimant I met who successfully, with a pause, disassembled the huge database relationship diagram I gave to him. My co-interviewer says I’m evil. I replied that I was merely thorough.

On Saturday night, in accordance with our plans, we continued on to Warrington to visit Gareth and Liz‘s new place. Gareth didn’t seem quite ‘with it’. But the food was good and I regretted eating so well at Gregynog that I couldn’t guzzle more, and the company was even better. After the party came to a quiet end, we dropped off Jimmy at his home in Runcorn, and decided to move on up to Preston to say “hi” to my folks.

Needless to say, my mum was at least a little surprised when Claire and I waltzed into her bedroom. We didn’t waltz, mind. More of a polka. But she was surprised, regardless. My dad returns from Vietnam today, so we’re hoping to catch him and have lunch before we return to Aber.

Paul: I bet, despite her trying to remind herself on several occasions, Claire’s still forgotten to call you to tell you that we’re unlikely to make the 2:30 screening of Howl’s Moving Castle at the Arts Centre, so I hope you read this before then.

Off To Gregynog

Right; I’m off to Gregynog and then on to Wolverhampton for Gareth and Liz‘s housewarming/Liz’s birthday party. I’ve uploaded a few episodes of Dan & Alex to keep you all amused for the weekend (but I apologise in advance for them being a little self-referencial).

And while, of course, I can’t say much on here, those who know will understand when I say that my meeting at the University on Wednesday afternoon didn’t turn out well after all. Which is a pity, but hey.

Ah; Friday…

In the words of Bender, “…another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.” It’s feeling a little that way. Last night’s brownout knocked computers offline, and this morning BT severed a cable, depriving us of phones and internet access. It’s an hour and a half into the day already and I’ve got nothing done so far.

The worst bit is, having been told that the phones were down already: when I discovered that the outbound fibre optic link was down, I picked up the phone to call the facilities manager. Whoops! In an age when everything is connected and digitial, it’s easy to forget that things don’t always work as they should.

Add to this the fact that I’ll be leaving early today, and you’ve got a recipe for underproductivity. Which is a word, now, thank you very much. I’m off this evening to Gregynog, a University of Wales conference centre, as a guest interviewer, to give mock interviews to second-year Computer Science students. These interviews are supposed to be reflective of those given in the industry, in order to better prepare them for ‘real’ interviews and give them feedback… so I’ve been devising a list of some of the nastiest Comp. Sci.-centric interview questions ever devised. Here’s some of my favourites:

  • How would you explain a database to a 10-year-old child?
  • When choosing between programming languages with which to implement a specific project, what are the most important factors and why?
  • Pseudocode me an algorithm to detect whether two rectangles (with known top, left, bottom and right) overlap one another.
  • What is bytecode? Can it be reverse-engineered?
  • What is the sum of all numbers from 1 to 1000?
  • Do you make mistakes? Tell me about one of them.
  • Are you smart? Why do you think that?

I can’t write too many of the really nice fun ones here, because (a) there’s at least one person I’ll be interviewing who I know reads my weblog and (b) I’ve got some questions which depend on demonstratable code samples, which I can’t be arsed to upload anywhere.

Anyway; things look like they’re all booted up now, so I’d better get on with some work.

My Weekend

Following up on Andy’s post, this weekend I have to:

  1. Write some PHP for an online auction site I’m doing some work for, in order that I might actually have some money this month.
  2. Tidy the flat up: there’s a viewer interested in buying the building who’ll be visiting at 2pm on Sunday
  3. Not play Age Of Empires III – it didn’t really “do it” for me – perhaps it’s just the piece of history (colonisation of America) it tries to convey not interesting me. Give me Civ IV any day.

Troma Night is on as usual.

Duality

Duality, my main desktop PC at home, has been misbehaving, and I’ve had to take it to pieces, both virtually (tracing driver DLL calls – yum!) and physically (computer components littering the floor, etc.). It’s been two years since it’s last reformat/reinstall, which is a pretty long time for a Windows XP box treated the way I’ve treated it, so it’s definately time for a rebuild.

Shame I couldn’t have done it sooner/later, as it’s put a dent both in my NaNoWriMo writing and in my ability to investigate some code for a client I’m dealing with “on the side”. It’s going to be a busy little weekend.

In other news, I’ve been playing with Gosu, a sprite animation/drawing layer module for Ruby. Ruby’s execution speed (within an object-oriented paradigm) lends itself well to 2D animation and games. Here’s a Flash animation showing a recording of what I came up with:



Yes, that really is the sprite for Dan in the Dan & Alex comic.

If you’re really sad (and using Windows – I haven’t tested it under other operating systems and can’t be arsed packaging up the C-layer stuff for them, yet), you can actually have a play. Just install Ruby 1.8.2-15 For Windows (15MB) and the game itself (740K).

If I get really bored or suddenly find a lot more free time, I might actually finish making a game out of the engine I’ve put together.

Edit: The download link for the game has now been fixed. If you downloaded it and just got error messages when you tried to run it, try again now.

The Bad And The Good

The Bad
I’m working very hard for stupid hours and not getting paid for it. I’m not sure where my job is going, but it’s driving there pretty fast and the only room for me is if I squeeze into the boot. Which is full of socks, for some reason.
I have no time to work on my NaNoWriMo entry because any free time I have is spent looking for or quoting for the bits of contract work I’m hoping will help me to avoid starvation.
Not to mention the other projects I’d like to spend time on: Jukebox and Binky’s Big Adventure, among others.
Duality is misbehaving. This displeases me.
I accidentally bit my tongue quite badly (as in: spitting out heaps of blood) last night, and it hurts a lot and I can’t talk properly today, which is always a disadvantage when one had to run a training session in content management. Drinking is painful. I haven’t dared try eating yet.
As a result of all of the above, I’m remarkably stressed and keep snapping at people. If you’re among the snapees (yes, it’s a word – because I said so, that’s why), I apologise.
We can’t afford to come up to Jon’s bonfire.
I still haven’t got around to arranging stuff I need to for the Abnib Real Ale Ramble, and we really need to send the forms and things off this weekend.

The Good
Contract work is looking promising: if I get everything I’m quoting for I’ll actually earn almost double this month than I would for my “day job”. That said, the odds of getting everything is pretty damn low.
I’m feeling carelessly optimistic about a particular chunk of work that might become available to me next Wednesday.
Claire’s being supportive (both emotionally and financially) and useful. And, on a probably-unrelated note, sex is particularly fantastic of late.

So; a little bit of disbalance in the lists, but I’m hoping I can clear that up next week. Otherwise, it’ll be the corned-beef-on-toast-week all over again.

Fresh Ground Café

Hot on the heels of the news that the café below us is for sale, a new café has opened just across the road, where Serendipity (a restaurant I never got the chance to go to) used to be.

Fresh Ground Café can now be found at number 14 Cambrian Place. Claire thinks it’s name is clever because they’re on new and on the ground floor, but that seems a little contrived to me: rather, I think that they’re trying to play upon the fact that they feel they’re bringing some “fresh ideas” to the Aberystwyth coffee shop ‘scene’.

Fresh Ground Café Sign

And they’re certainly giving “fresh ideas” a go, at least as far as Aber’s concerned. They open from 10am ’til 11pm, so you can have a late-night coffee and cake before getting back to a long night’s code-hack/NaNoWriMo-writing/Civ IV game. They’re getting wireless internet access, so you’ll be able to surf the web while you much your croissant. They do hot and cold food (both light meals and snacks) throughout the day. They have board games to play. They have huge leather couches. And most of the produce seems to be organic and/or fair trade.

Bryn Looks At The Menu Paul sips a flavoured milk drink

Bryn, Paul and I each ordered the soup of the day – tomato soup – which turned out to be a deliciously thick and delicately spiced soup that was more filling than we’d expected. Claire ordered a cream cheese bagel. Bryn and Claire tried out the coffees, Paul had a warm-milk-with-syrup drink, and I sampled the hot chocolate, which sent me giddy for most of the evening.

Tomato soup with bread and cheese Menu and table decorations Claire's cream cheese bagel

Later, we examined their selection of board games: just the typical “family games pack” affair: a chess set with plastic pieces, a copy of “snakes and ladders”, Chinese checkers, backgammon etc. I taught Bryn to play Arimaa while Claire and Paul played checkers. Not much to excite board game geeks like ourselves, but the large tables and availability of freshly ground coffee might make the cafe a suitable venue for games of Chez Geek, Chrononauts, Fluxx, and other (friendly, civilised – Munchkin is out!) games.

It looks like this new café is trying to tap into a so-far-undiscovered market in Aber: for an evening venue without alcohol or smoking in which one can enjoy a civilised drink with friends. The prices are a little more than we’re used to – we paid just under £20 for 2 coffees, 2 teas, a hot milk drink, 2 hot chocolates, a ribena, three bowls of soup, and a bagel – from the likes of MGs or The Mecca, but are still quite reasonable. The venue itself is pleasant, although it may be a little “out of the way” for some patrons and will certainly have to compete with MGs for some of the business lunchtime traffic (I note that the Fresh Ground Café has already launched a reward card scheme very similar to that of MGs).

Worth a look.

1000/50000
Words written: 1000 / target: 50000
× × ×

Gents Toilets Mystery

The gents toilets on the first floor of the building where I work is a complete mystery to me.

That’s not strictly true. I know where the stalls and the urinals are. I know how to make the taps – little push-button ones – work. I know that the hand dryer to the right typically warms up a lot faster than the one on the left. I know to check that there’s toilet paper first (because there frequently isn’t) and that I can liberate some from the overstocked disabled toilet down the corridor if I need them. I know all this.

What’s got me confused is the automatic lighting. Whenever I enter the room, the lights come on.

There are no sensors on the door, so far as I can see, and there is no optic sensor that could have spotted me (the only optic sensor I can see sits above the urinals and regulates the flush, so it doesn’t waste water when nobody’s in there – but the lights always seem to come on before I’m far enough into the room to be within the line of sight of this sensor). There is an optic sensor inset into the ceiling of the antechamber between the corridor and the toilets, but it can’t be this that’s responsible for the lights because I’ve tried to trigger that one (without entering the toilets themselves) and it doesn’t seem to do anything. There doesn’t seem to be a pressure sensor or anything. And the most mysterious bit of all: if you hide in the stall where a sensor might not be able to see you… or if you stand very still… the lights still stay on until you leave. I’m pretty sure it’s not activated by sound, as the car park can be pretty noisy sometimes and I’ve never gone to the toilet, that I can remember, and found the lights already on when I got there: I always see them flicker on.

Yes, it’s true: I’ve spent the afternoon so far playing hide and seek and musical statues with myself in the gents toilets. But I’m of an inquisitive mind and this is a mystery that needs solving. Perhaps there’s some kind of concealed optic sensor, or infrared tripwire grid across the entire floor (I’ll try standing on the seat of the toilet for awhile, later). Maybe there’s a body heat sensor of some variety. Maybe there’s a little imp hiding in the wall cavity with a remote control. Maybe it’s entirely random. Maybe I’ll never know.

I’m going to go to the toilet again…