Golf

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Runners will talk about how much they enjoy the feeling of wind in their hair. Boxers won’t shut up about the grace and art of their profession. Even soccer players can be moved to wax poetical about how enjoyable it is to be part of a truly great game.

But all golfers ever talk about is how little golf they hope to play. A typical pre-match interview will go something like this:

Some guy in a blazer: Great to have you here with us, what are your goals for the first round this morning.

Golfer: Well today I hope to play as little golf as possible. Mathematically speaking the course could be done in 18 shots but that is probably physically impossible. But ideally as close to 18 as I can get. Any additional golf is bad.

Blazer: What is your strategy for avoiding the golf.

Golfer: I have a guy who follows me around to help share the burden of all this damn golf. He is going to help me out by suggesting ways to avoid playing any more golf than we have to. Of course, I pay him but his real motivation is to bring this sorry excuse for a pastime to the speediest conclusion.

Blazer: Better you than me, but good luck out there.

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