The Ball and The Box

After what has been a surprisingly okayish Christmas, I had a moment today in SuperStore. Saw a lady who reminded me of my 92yo grandma, who even in the early stages of dementia, completely understood that my mom died.

I thought I’d share the Ball in the Box analogy my Dr told me

So grief is like this:

There’s a box with a ball in it. And a pain button.

And no, I am not known for my art skills.

In the beginning, the ball is huge. You can’t move the box without the ball hitting the pain button. It rattles around on its own in there and hits the button over and over. You can’t control it – it just keeps hurting. Sometimes it seems unrelenting.

Over time, the ball gets smaller. It hits the button less and less but when it does, it hurts just as much. It’s better because you can function day to day more easily. But the downside is that the ball randomly hits that button when you least expect it.

For most people, the ball never really goes away. It might hit less and less and you have more time to recover between hits, unlike when the ball was still giant.

I thought this was the best description of grief I’ve heard in a long time.

I told my step dad about the ball in the box (with even worse pictures). He now uses it to talk about how he’s feeling.

“The Ball was really big today. It wouldn’t lay off the button. I hope it gets smaller soon.”

Slowly it is.