Guess What Kind Of An Idiot I Am?

Something that happens with reasonable regularity at work is that the caterers, who bring delicious sandwiches and cakes for the many meetings that take place in the building and the building next door, have excess food at the end of a meeting (particularly if it’s a Welsh Assembly meeting, as they seem to be particularly good at cancelling their meetings and forgetting to cancel the catering service). And, as always, when this happens, a co-worker and I race down to the ground floor kitchen to get at the best of the remains – the delicious cookies and cakes (by the way, I can heartily recommend Madeline’s for cakes and buffets: even if I didn’t occasionally get their fabulous food for free, it’d be awesome) – before the folks from the other offices do.

Of late, there’s been particularly tough competition. These days, SmartData is on the top floor of our building, with a fabulous view of the marina and the nearby beach (at which my boss, a keen windsurfer, can sometimes be seen staring wistfully on days when the conditions are just right for watersports). And while this is all good from the perspective of having a great view, it means that we have a lot further to go to loot the remains of abandoned buffets on the ground floor than, say, some of the hungry-man-filled companies on the first floor. And so they sometimes get their first and eat all of the tastiest leftovers, if we let them.

I’ve gotten pretty quick at getting to the ground floor, though. A co-worker and I have discovered that, by using the fire escape and leaping down about four steps or more at a time, we can be from our office to the ground floor kitchen in a little over 25 seconds (I don’t know why he bothers, personally: he’s allergic to just about everything in the world, and only gets to eat tiny nibbles of anything that we’re able to scavenge). And herein lay the imminent, inevitable disaster.

This afternoon, I’d just put on my coat with the intention of going across the road to the shop where Paul works, to buy some lunch, when the call came in: there was food left over in the downstairs kitchen. Already ready to leave the office anyway, I was off like a shot, rocketing out and into the stairwell of the fire escape. And there, somewhere between the second and the first floor, is where I tripped, and fell head-over-heels down an entire flight of stairs.

There was quite a bit of shouting and grunting before I tried to stand up again. No good – my foot gave way beneath me with even more pain. Realising I was in the fire escape and not somewhere that anybody might look for me, I pulled out my phone to call the office, upstairs, and get some help. I hadn’t got that far, though, when somebody from one of the middle-floor offices (conveniently, from a first-aid perspective, a volunteer lifeboatman) heard my pained grunts and came in to find out what was going on.

A quick trip to casualty later, it turns out that it’s not fractured, thankfully, but is (as I already knew) too painful to walk on, so I’m stuck at home with my leg in the air and crutches to move around on. It’s really quite remarkably painful, as I keep forgetting when I’m happily dosed-up on painkillers and laying back, playing Wii games (although not the high-energy, active ones, of course), until I try to hobble to the toilet or something, whimpering as I go. Oh, and why didn’t anybody tell me (I’ve never used them before) that crutches are actually pretty hard work? <sighs>

(on the upside, and you know I always look for an upside, I met a cute radiologist with a hot Scottish accent)

So; I’m feeling kind-of useless and at least a little bit stupid. I’d write more but I don’t have time, because I’m going to try to pull myself together enough to get to Rory‘s birthday meal and I suspect it’ll take me a while to get my boots on over my enormously swollen foot. Here goes…

5 replies to Guess What Kind Of An Idiot I Am?

  1. You great daft lump!

    And to the question:

    “Oh, and why didn’t anybody tell me (I’ve never used them before) that crutches are actually pretty hard work? ”

    ….can I just say i’ll happily deliver the new full length carpet (rolled up of course) to the Cottage this afternoon. You’ll have fun getting over that on crutches every time you need to cross the room (ring any bells?).

    Seriously though I hope you feel better soon. Only cure for a badly sprained ankle as actually keeping OFF the foot altogether for several weeks so lots of rest with the leg up (even once you are back at work) is the only answer… and no more galloping down the fire escape! Love you, Mum xxxxx

  2. So thats the way to get crutches… I’ve been waiting for 6-odd weeks to get seen by physio to see if I need them for my hip, should have just chucked myself down the stairs clearly…

  3. I’m sick of hobbling round on a crutch. Sure, it was an interesting novelty for the first couple of days, even despite the fact that I got almost no sympathy from folks (and, to be fair, I deserved none – what kind of idiot cripples himself while chasing after cake?). But now I’m just sick of it. Today, two weeks after my tumble, is the first day that I’m walking around outdoors without a crutch (and without being in pain). I still need a little bit of help from one when going up or down slopes (but not stairs), so I’m still carrying my happy little aluminium pole around with me, but I’m able to support my entire weight with either foot once more, so that’s a big step forward.

    Helped out with Aberystwyth Samaritans fundraising event at Varsity, although as I wasn’t quite up to walking around on my bad foot I wasn’t able to go around shaking buckets, but I did end up with “24:7” face-painted on my forehead, and apparently a decent sum of money was raised by the event, so not all bad.
    I bought myself an EeePC 1000 this last week, too. I’ve never had a very good relationship with laptops, but I felt that it was probably time to give one another go, and in particular I wanted something small, light, cool, and quiet, with a fabulous battery life, so the Eee 1000 it had to be. I’ve been really very, very impressed with it so far (at least, having stripped off the silly OS that came on it and replaced it with Eeebuntu). I’ll try to find time to write more about it in due course.

    The only other little bit of excitement for me, apart from being nicknamed “Hobbles” by just about everybody down here, was seeing the new Star Trek film at the Commodore last night. And while I thought the story was compelling and well-written and that the film was pitched right for a new generation of Star Trek fans, I can’t help but take issue at the artistic choices made by the director and by the special effects team. For example, whose clever idea was it that to show the vast, empty, hostility of space, the best way to shoot was entirely in close-ups? I’m pretty sure the only wide shot in the entire film is of the Academy! And what’s with all the lens effects? Barely a scene goes by without some digitally-added bloom or glare or lens flare. They were cute to begin with, when we’re panning across the bridge of the Enterprise in all it’s “this is what the inside of your iMac looks like” glory, but by the seventh or eighth time, it’s easy to get sick of. All in all, it’s a mediocre to good Star Trek film, not worthy in my mind of all the hype it’s attracting.

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