How to have a good time after returning from a tiring holiday and even more tiring return journey:
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Return home delighted to see that Paul has tidied up your entire house.
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Relaxed and refreshed, throw yourself backwards into a soft, comfy chair.
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Talk to a friend about a sensitive issue in a safe, relaxed environment, making use of a whiteboard as an aid to discussion, knowing that it’s easy to remove the evidence afterwards with a bit of paper towel or a board wiper.
How to fuck up the above plan:
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Throw yourself backwards into a soft, comfy chair that’s just a few inches to the right of where you remembered it was, banging the back of your head quite painfully against the wall.
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Accidently write all of the most sensitive details of your discussion on the whiteboard in a permanent marker, because during the house tidy up, all of the permanent markers have been mixed in with the whiteboard markers.
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Scamble to find a solvent with which to remove the data from the whiteboard before somebody sees it who shouldn’t.
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Find paraffin. Accidently get it in your eye and have to wash it out.
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Have to scrub hard at the whiteboard to remove the rapidly-setting permanent marker lines, working hard to ensure that the information is removed in order from most to least incriminating/embarassing.
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Push the whiteboard too hard, dislodging a large metal sign mounted above it, causing said sign to plummet down into an empty pint glass (which shatters). The sign’s fall is broken slightly by your head, which is cut and begins to swell.
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While applying first aid to your head (now injured front and back and somewhat grazed by it’s collision with the sign), hurt yourself by swinging your elbow into a door handle.
I’m convinced that my house doesn’t like me right now.
In other news: if anybody fancies a post-BiCon, post-Edinburgh catch-up natter session, get your arse around to The Cottage!