Penguins

Funny picture. Just needs a caption.

Several emperor penguins standing around looking at a penguin plushie

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The Scat Men

Don’t usually go in for these memes, but this one was too funny not to publish.

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The Scat Men Stats

Formed: 29th June 2005
Split: 10th September 2011
Best Album: ‘Supremo’ 7/10 in the NME
Best Single: ‘Unstates’ 6/10 in the NME
Records Sold: 169,413 in total (84,172 albums, 85,241 singles).
Reputation: Obscure
Groupies: vikingjim recently won a contract with a blue conglomerate to market dildos towards the over 60’s market.
Other After realising how shite ‘God Save the Queen’ really was, Queen Elizabeth II instated ‘Barge’ as the new national anthem. Another shit song for a shit country.

The Scat Men Member Profiles

bryn_s

bryn_s sounds like a delicate cross between a recently castrated chicken and Johnny Rotten.
restlessboy

Unable to pick strings individually, restlessboy had to resort to beating the shit out of all of the strings at once to contribute in any way to The Scat Men’s din. And even then…

reaperkit

It is fair to say that reaperkit is a stroppy old bastard. They’ve threatened to pack The Scat Men in after they received a death threat from the ghost of Mother Thersea who reportedly said in a whispered tone “I’m trying to rest in piece here yer prick! Cut with the bollocks before I smear yer pod in shite!”

scatmania

scatmania’s manages to make an epileptic speed freak from Inverness look co-ordinated.

eskoala

eskoala posesses the unique ability to detune pianos by simply looking at them.

Single Releases

# Title Date
39 Outgnaw Deflower Enfaces Lyingly Aug 2005
39 Risky Decimate Sep 2005
26 Unstates Oct 2005
31 Glamor Clutch Civilize Carotins Fallouts Dishfuls Nov 2005
31 Repoured Myeloma Usance May 2007
22 Stage Aroused Talcky Patch Blocked Jun 2007
30 Cilium Anurous Aug 2007
25 Sunups Tocsin Wooler Sep 2007
N/A Unawaked Firms Sep 2008
40 Parers Oct 2008
N/A Overlent Croceins Depicted Dec 2008
N/A Bocks Briskly Boras Rebuff Feminist Feb 2009
N/A Nauplii Mar 2010
N/A Turacos May 2010
N/A Crossed Abstract Showroom Khaddar Treks Jul 2010
N/A Barge Oct 2010

Album Releases

# Title Date
74 Supremo Jun 2005
33 Ceboids Mar 2007
27 Nibs Rooftree Jun 2008
N/A Enduring Unusual Wissed Chicle Subbings Dec 2009

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Dan And Alex

Dan & Alex comic

People have been asking me if these comics are actually related to my co-worker, Alex. Of course the answer is no: I would never say anything so unflattering about such a great and able worker as Alex, nor would I ever call him RetardBoy. And obviously these comics aren’t based on actual events: it would just be wrong to imply that these conversations actually happened in any way, shape or form.

Honest.

Keep Away From Fire

I hadn’t noticed before, but my jeans have a little label in them, sewn in right by my crotch. It reads:

Keep Away From Fire

Yeah; no shit – that’s my knob we’re talking about. Like I need a warning.

Dan’s Dingbats Challenge II – Results

Great turnout for Dan’s Dingbats Challenge II. Thanks for playing, all of you who did! Here’s the scoreboard:

Position Player Time Taken Right Answers Total Time
1 The Amazing Wonko
Best score, great time to boot… beat Jimmy by just three seconds.
3mins, 42secs 13.5 4mins, 2secs
2 Jimmy
Fastest overall time and a very good score. So very close to winning…
3 mins, 25secs 13 4mins, 5secs
3 Dimmer 3 mins, 51secs 13 4mins, 31secs
4 Claire 4mins, 36secs 12.5 5mins, 36secs
5 Paul 4mins, 41secs 12 6mins, 1sec
6 Gareth @ SD 5mins, 32secs 13 6mins, 12secs
7 JTA 5mins, 57secs 13 6mins, 37secs
8 Ruth
Unfortunatley for her, her second attempt [total time 3mins, 1sec] doesn’t count)
3mins, 46secs 9.5 6mins, 46secs
9 Andy K 5mins, 6secs 10 (two half-marks) 7mins, 46secs
10 “scatman”
(not me!)
4mins, 10secs 8 8mins, 10secs
11 Jen W 5mins, 52secs 8.5 9mins, 32secs
12 Matt @ SD 6mins, 24secs 8.5 10mins, 4secs
13 Hagen @ SD 10mins, 28secs 11 12mins, 28secs
14 Hayley 10mins, 51secs 9 14mins, 11secs
14 John K 9mins, 50secs 7 14mins, 30secs

Here are the answers. Click on any of the dingbat thumbnails to see the full-size versions:

Dingbat #1
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Just like the previous challenge, this one began with a particularly difficult puzzle. The words “bird” and “two” appear inside the words “hand” and “bush”, respectively, and the equals sign states that they have equal worth. Devillishly difficult, but an impressive number of people got it. Half-marks for “a bird in the hand beats two in the bush”, because it was so very nearly there.

Dingbat #2
Three cheers.
Finally, a dingbat that everybody can get.

Dingbat #3
Rock around the clock.
It’s a clock, with the word “rock” repeated around it. Well?

Dingbat #4
Drinkin’ to forget.
The word “drink” appears in the phrase “24get” (“to forget”), so “drink in 24get”. Anything vaugely close got the marks, but “some kind of low fat drink” didn’t, and neither did “24 hour drinking”. Difficult.

Dingbat #5
Head over heels in love.
The word “head” over two (different, just to be confusing) kinds of “heels”, inside a heart (love). Most people got this one, but “feel it head to heel” and “grr argh” remain the two most spectacularly wrong answers.

Dingbat #6
History repeats.
I thought this one was really easy, but apparently it isn’t. “History follows history”, “history is history”, “two versions of history” and “past” are all wrong answers.

Dingbat #7
Mixed vegetables / tossed vegetables.
Everybody saw the word “vegetables” in here, it seems, and even “chopped vegetables” is worth a half-mark. I thought it would be tougher to put the word back together than it obviously was.

Dingbat #8
Once in a blue moon.
Easy, again: the word “once” on a blue-tinted moon. I’ve had complaints from two colourblind participants, but they both got it right anyway.

Dingbat #9
Green with envy.
More complaints from colourblind participants, one of whom had to hold up something that they knew to be green and squint at them both together to be sure they were actually looking at something that was green.

Dingbat #10
Capital punishment.
The word punishment written, quite clearly, in capital letters. “Punishment takes a lifetime” is very, very wrong.

Dingbat #11
Backseat driver.
My favourite from this set. It’s the words “seat driver” written backwards. Many participants hunted for inner words, anagrams, and all sorts, not bothering to try to read it from right to left. My favourite wrong answer was “Argh! It looks like revision! Help!”

Dingbat #12
Tickled pink.
Unpopular again with the colourblind participants. Nonetheless, everybody got it right.

Dingbat #13
Big Trouble In Little China
The correct answer, which only a few people got, was “Big Trouble In Little China”: it’s the name of a film. “Big Trouble In China” and “Trouble In Little China” miss the bigger (or littler) picture, and only get half-marks, while “Trouble In China” gets none. Get over it.

Dingbat #14
No harm in trying.
My second-favourite in this set; one which many people got wrong. The word “harm” is being crossed out from the middle of the phrase “tryharming”, which of course leaves the word “trying”, with no “harm” in it: therefore, “no harm in trying”. Wrong answers included “self harming”, “out of harms’ way”, and “trying to disarm”.

So, thanks again to everybody who participated, and big congratulations to The Amazing Wonko! Congratulations also due to Jimmy (great fast time – if only you could have shaved three seconds off it or got one more half-mark you’d have one) and Dimmer. Also well done to all those who participated in this and the last one, and got better as a result of the practice.

I’ll leave things there for awhile, but I think that Andy may be working on his very own “Dingbats Challenge” (or something like it) in the near future. Watch this space.

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