Seeing as it’s almost Valentine’s Day and by way of proof that I’m not always so serious as to write about important topics like WordPress’s CAPTCHA implementation or how I became a brony, here are some of the highlights of a conversation that Ruth and I just had (tapping in to our inner 12-year-olds, I guess: some alcohol might have been involved) about song lyrics that are immeasurably improved if you replace the word “love” with “butt”. Here are some of my favourites:
- Greatest Butt Of All – Whitney Houston
- Can You Feel The Butt Tonight? – Elton John
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Shower Me With Your Butt – Surface
Eww. - Big Butt – Fleetwood Mac
- I Would Do Anything For Butt (But I Won’t Do That) – Meat Loaf
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Too Much Butt Will Kill You
“Torn between the butter and the butt you leave behind.” Yes, you can totally turn “lover” into “butter”, but it’s the addition of the word “behind” that made me snortle. -
Thinking Out Loud – Ed Sheeran
“Will your mouth still remember the taste of my butt? Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?” - Butt Song For A Vampire – Annie Lennox
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Bleeding Butt – Leona Lewis
“Keep bleeding. Keep, keep bleeding, butt. You cut me open” - How Deep Is Your Butt? – Bee Gees
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Addicted to Butt – Robert Palmer
“It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough. You know you’re gonna have to face it: you’re addicted to butt.” -
One – U2
“Did I disappoint you, or leave a bad taste in your mouth? You act like you never had butt and you want me to go without.” - Lay All Your Butt On Me – ABBA
- Butt Stinks – The J. Geils Band
- Tainted Butt – Soft Cell
- Can’t Help Falling In Butt – Elvis Prestley
Okay, now I’ve got that out of my system we can carry on as normal.