The other evening, I was woken (yes, I was asleep at 6pm, might blog about why that was on a later date) by a man from one of the energy companies trying to get me to consider changing my gas supply to them. I’m not keen on door-to-door sales at the best of times, which, coupled with my why-have-you-woken-me-up attitude and a hint of my mischievousness, lead to a conversation that I’m sure he won’t soon forget.
Gas Man:
Hi, I’m from [name of energy company – he was keen to show off his shiny ID badge] and… oh; I’m sorry, have I just woken you up? Is this a bad time?Dan:
/yawning/ Yeah, but I’m up now. What can I do for you?Gas Man:
I might be able to save you money on your gas bill. Can I ask who you’re with now?Dan:
I’m with [name of my energy company].Gas Man:
Right, and do you pay quarterly or monthly?Dan:
Monthly, by direct debit.Gas Man:
Okay. Do you know how much you spend per month on gas?Dan:
Hey, do you have any samples?Gas Man:
What? Umm… I’ve got a leaflet if you’d like…Dan:
No: samples. Of the gas your company provides.Gas Man:
/laughing it off as a joke/ Ha! No… so do you know how much your average bill…Dan:
/completely serious face/ I’m afraid I’d have to smell your gas before I could make any kind of decision.Gas Man:
/stunned silence/Dan:
I’ve been with a few different gas companies over the years. When I first moved in I was with [name of energy company]. Their gas smelled like walnuts, and I don’t like walnuts, so I switched to [name of another energy company], and their gas used to smell like cottage cheese, which was fine, but eventually it started smelling like it had gone off which means it probably was actual cottage cheese: which is great, but you can’t just put cottage cheese in your pipe and never replace it, can you? So that’s when I switched to [name of my energy company], about three months ago. Their gas smells like watermelons, which is perfectly good. I like watermelons./pause/
So you see; I couldn’t possibly buy your company’s gas unless I could smell it first.
/I continue staring at him with wide, “I inhale flammable gases for fun” look/
Gas Man:
Umm. All the gas is the same. It doesn’t matter which company supplies it: it’s all the same gas.Dan:
Oh./puzzled look/
Then I guess I’ll stick with the gas I’ve got, if yours is no different. Goodbye.
/closes door/
(I assumed he’d already have head of this, of course)