This repost was published in hindsight, on 11 March 2019.
Yesterday morning I finally got around to going to visit Mark Ratcliffe. Apparently he never got the email I sent him the day I made the decision, which explains why he never got back to me.
Nearly broke down crying whilst talking to him, which made me realise something was horribly wrong. I came out of Llandinam and went running into the girl’s toilets in Phys Sci for a good cry, despite not being upset about anything. After a short while I realised this was a stupid way to behave, and decided to go home and sleep for a bit to see if that made me feel any better.
When I emerged from the toilets, Matt was waiting. I’d passed him as I entered the Phys Sci building, but gave him the brush off. He waited anyway, yay! We walked as far as Block 5 together, and he kept making me laugh, which certainly helped. However, by the time I got back to JTA’s room I was crying again. Lay on the bed bawling my eyes out (still for no obvious reason) until I fell asleep. When JTA got back, I tried to explain but I don’t think I was particularly lucid and anyway I didn’t really have an explanation. I had become extremely tired and shaky, but decided I had to go down to Llandinam and talk to Adrian Shaw (who Mark Ratcliffe referred me to). Only got that far by leaning on JTA, and when we reached Shaw’s office I didn’t feel up to talking to him. Consumed Cola, then came back, clinging to my composure by a thread. Mustered the courage to knock on his door…
…and the bastard wasn’t even in. Hmph. JTA practically dragged me up the hill, by this point I was in such a state that as we came out of block four a random passer by asked if I needed medical attention (and this started me crying again. Honestly, I don’t normally start crying just because somebody I don’t know talks to me). Then I slept lots.
Sometime after seven, Bryn rang to ask if I wanted to go to the beach. I agreed, I had been awake for about five minutes at that point and was feeling heaps better. It was a good evening, described in further detail by Dan. Today I feel better, and have had an email from Adrian Shaw arranging a meeting on Thursday. This leaves me with two spare days.
Today I am going to sort out some stuff for a meeting this evening, tomorrow I’m going to get out and have some fresh air and exercise by walking along the coast to Borth. If anyone wants to come with me, let me know.