More great questions! I think. The first one confuses me a little:

So you guys just got a house was that a 3 way split?

I’m not sure what you’re asking. I think you’re asking about ownership of the property? In which case: yes, we’ve collectively got a mortgage on it and own it in equal shares. Interestingly, we don’t pay equally for it: we’re clearly all of a socialist bent because we use a means-assessment based system of dividing up our household costs – over the course of each month, everybody puts their household expenses (mortgage, family car, utilities, insurance, shopping, family holidays, etc.) into a Google Docs spreadsheet which then divides them up proportional to our relative incomes and tells us how to settle the difference (which, given that the mortgage, utility, and car payments come directly out of my bank account usually means that they both owe money to me at the end of each month). I wrote a blog post explaining it in detail (which includes a sample sheet to adapt) back in October, if you’re interested.

Alternatively, I figured that you might be asking about the physical layout of the house? What we’ve got is a large (for the UK) house that consists of a main house plus an annex that was originally used as a separate flat, but we’ve pulled down the dividing doors and turned its living room into a dining room, making it all one big house. It confuses people that our ground floor has a “loop” and that our two ground-floor-to-first-floor staircases take you to separate and otherwise disconnected first floors. (Apologies for the use of British English in the naming of parts of the house and floor numbering.)

Does she have any interest in another boyfriend?

I think she finds two, plus an infant, more than enough right now!

(or girlfriend; both my partner and I are bisexual, although that’s completely unrelated to our relationship structure)

What will happen if you find another girl? has that been ever addressed?

We’re in a relationship that is nominally “open” (i.e. we’re all theoretically “available”). I mention this because it shouldn’t be taken for granted: there are people in “closed” polyamorous relationships just like there are people in closed monogamous relationships, whose relationship is built on rules that preclude additional parties.

However, despite being theoretically open, we’re all pretty busy people (I, for example, have employed work, freelance work, voluntary work, a kid to help look after, a girlfriend, and a couple of hobbies competing for my time) and finding time to “date” is a stretch! I’ve typically had about one “first date” per 18-24 months, these last few years, and only one – with a woman who lives in the other side of the city – has progressed to anything beyond that. That relationship is nice, but I don’t get to see as much of her as I’d like for all of the above reasons plus her own time constraints (husband, school-age child, work, etc.): my partner jokes that if I have a ‘type’, then it’s apparently “married women with kids” (which is clearly false but certainly looks that way to outsiders).

There have certainly been times that there were more people in our network, though: for about a year, long ago, we formed a “square” of four people. For a short while after that we were a line-of-five (if we’re a “V” now, then I suppose we were a “W” then). This last 5 years is the only time for any of us that our entire committed network have lived in the same home, though.

Oh, and safe sex: we have a “fluid bonding” arrangement whereby we practice only barrier sex with people outside the three of us (and we all got tested for just about everything possible when we started doing so). And anyone(s) ever joining that fluid bonded group would need everybody’s agreement, a fresh round of re-testing for everybody, abbe to accept the same rules going forwards.

My partner’s husband has tried his have at dating around, too, from time to time, but I feel like he’s a little less self-confident than me and that works against him, even though he’s perfectly dateable and lovely. I should be a better wingman.

Thanks for the interest! I imagine that I’ve opened a while fresh can of worms with those answers: sorry!