For your stats: I got Switzerland and I guessed 6 million. I didn’t really think about it at all, but my geography’s terrible so I doubt that would have made a difference!

On the communication end of things, I always find it difficult to ask for what I want, and often in the past haven’t known what it is! My advice would be to know yourself first, because you can’t get what you want if you don’t know what you want.

Also, no amount of open negotiation can make incompatible situations magically resolve themselves. But as you say, you don’t know until you ask.

Another thing I want to point out is that sometimes you want something until it happens, and then you realise that’s not what you wanted. It’s very difficult to backtrack, yet some things have to be experienced before you can know how you feel about them. Can’t think of a solution to that one.

Lastly, beware the dangers of making lots of little concessions to the other person(s). It can snowball to the point where you lose yourself.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/fostering-the-right-attitude-know-who-you-are/

That’s about boundaries, and like the majority of suggestions touted by the monogamous community, it’s a tip that holds value for both monogamous and nonmonogamous relationships… but is naturally of more importance to those which are monogamous because they are more likely to depend upon one person.

Polyamorists do not have a monopoly(!) on thinking about relationships! I’m so tired of seeing poly pieces where the person says, effectively: “In poly, we do things this way, but you can use our great techniques in your monogamy too, though it’s inferior.” It’s incredibly patronising. Having lots of lovers makes you an expert at relationships in the same way than owning 6 guitars makes you Brian May, i.e., it doesn’t.

Sorry, that’s more at others than at you, Dan.