@Steve:

I can see how that works for you; it’s a ruleset that really feels like it comes from a solo poly/RA place. But it’s not incompatible with more tightly-knit poly strategies either. For example my polycule and I practice a frightfully boring and domestic kind of kitchen table polyamory; we ocassionally date “outside” but as relationships progress we generally expect to end up at the very least meeting new metamours.

Hypothetically: suppose you and I were in a relationship. So long as you were clear about the way you play the game and our expectations were clear (y’know; good communication!), there’s no reason it wouldn’t “work”. That’s what I mean when I say that your approach might not be like some other people’s, but it’s compatible.